Teenager not working at Uni

[Busymum45]

I have a lovely lad who started uni in September, problem is we just found out he's not done any of the assignments and only attended 28% of lectures. Asked him and he said he struggled to get into the routine, kept missing things and now feels so.far behind he doesn't know what to do

We sat down together and he wrote an email to.his lecturer to ask for a meeting. Hopefully he will go and get something sorted.

I fear he can't cope with uni and really struggles to study independently.

Getting myself so stressed over it as pretty sure he will fail the year .

Is it something I should help him with or leave him to.it? They.may be adults at 18 but he is not mature enough yet?

Any advice welcome xxxx

What’s he hoping to do after uni?

He has a choice

Either he drops out and looks for a job
Or drops out and restart next year
Consider and open university’s degree
Find an apprenticeship with a degree course
Or take a gap year

Have you asked him?

If he’s at uni he’s basically an adult.

He can make the decision to kick his arse into gear. Or he can decide not to. And face the consequences.

He sounds too immature to be at university.

It’s upto him. He’s an adult and has to stand on his own two feet.

How did he keep missing things?

Don't protect him too much. He knows, like we all do, that university is there for us to have fun, get pissed, sleep all day, go to lectures and get work done.

He now needs (and will probably get it) the short sharp shock of realising he didn't do those things in the right order.

Best case scenario he is given the chance to catch up. Worst, he has to resit the year.

He will already have been contacted probably more than once about his non attendance and not working. They're not left to sink or swim. My university sends emails out after 2 consecutive lectures are missed.

I used to work at a university and I don't think this is particularly unusual, but he does need to sort himself out pronto, or he could end up failing his first year. The thing is, though, your son needs to realise this for himself and develop his own strategies for self-management, you can't do it for him.

Maybe the best compromise in the short term is to get him to come up with a detailed plan of how he is going to get back on track x supported by a weekly call with you to ask if he is sticking to the plan (i.e., someone to hold him to account). However, only do the call if he thinks it would be helpful. He needs to know that he is putting stuff in place for himself, and not for your benefit.

How did he get through his A-levels? Did he organise himself effectively then or were you still quite involved? Ideally, it should be a gradual process whereby children learn these skills so that they can manage independently by the time they get to university, so if you have younger children, that might be something to start working on now.

Thanks he failed A levels , just got one and somehow got an unconditional offer where he is now !

It could be he is finding it too hard if he did not really get the grades he needed to begin with. I sat this as my daughter did not get the grades she needed however he university still offered her a place even though her offer had been a conditional place upon getting higher grades than she got. This has meant she has found it really really hard going.

If he couldnt hack A Levels, he'll struggle at uni. Are you sure it's the right path for him? Schools try to push every kid to get a degree, but the fact is some people just aren't that academic and would do better just getting a job, rather than wasting years and tens of thousands of pounds.

Tbh if he failed A levels it may well be that uni is not for him.
Maybe let him know that it's ok to give up. Might be the kindest thing and not the end of the world either; uni isn't his only option.

We've chatted today , he wants to pass this year (foundation) so he can decide what to.do.after. will see if he can get caught up?

Hmm, that puts a somewhat different slant on it, OP. These unconditional offers are so irresponsible, the universities really are setting people up to fail - and given that they're paying such high fees now, that really isn't fair.

Why do you think your DS failed his a-levels? Was it a lack of work ethic or was he struggling with the work?

If he simply didn't work for them, you're right that he probably isn't mature enough for university, and he'd be better to drop out for now and consider going back later when he's ready. Dropping out will have an impact on future student finance, though, so he should seek advice from the students union and/or university's money advisers.

If the issue was that he struggled with the work, then it might simply mean that an academic path isn't the right one for him. There is no shame in this, and vocational options shouldn't necessarily be seen as the poor relation - they're the best possible choice for some people. What is he really good at?

Just seen your latest update. Is he getting a student loan at the moment? If so, I'd definitely encourage him to speak to an adviser about potential implications for future student finance if he ends up failing this year. At least he will then be able to make an informed choice.

Wow! Expensive mistake!

So it is not even a full degree course but a foundation year? He needs to find out from his tutor whether the ground he has lost is recoverable, assuming he is prepared to study now, so that he can still pass well enough to have options or better to drop out now? If he did similar with A levels agree that a degree apprenticeship may be a better option than studying independently. What did he hope to study and do after uni? Did he not really want to go or might he have any undiagnosed learning issue?

Hi thanks so much everyone.
I agree about unconditional offer too. He's v bright but doesn't put the work in. Sailed through GCSEs with little revision but didn't manage to do it at A level.
Will see what happens with seeing the lecturer and if he can do this. Lecturer said he gets finance for the 4 year course and a spare year

Is it an actual degree course? How on earth did he secure an offer with a single A Level? . That really should have warned you both that he wasn’t up to it?! Shame on the university that took him on.
Managing to “miss” 72% of lectures is just nonsense.

He gets funding for the four year course plus a spare year? And he reckons his lecturer told him this??

Yeah, there is a provision in Student Finance rules for a "spare year", but students often fail to understand this properly, so I would definitely recommend that he seeks professional advice - don't rely on the lecturers as their knowledge of the student finance regulations is often a bit limited, whereas an adviser will look at your DS's specific situation. I can't emphasise this enough - I lost count of the number of students at the university where I worked who were unable to graduate as planned due to a poor understanding of the student finance rules. Please don't let him leave it to chance.

This could be my son next year I fear. He too sailed through GCSEs (all 7s) with very little revision. Has the same non existent work ethic with A levels but has low predicted grades as a result - wants to do a foundation year. I've said to him he'd be better off getting a job as I'm certain he'll be in exactly the same situation as your son. Trying to let him find his own way but it's such a waste of potential.

I work at a University. In my department we have done a lot analysis of those coming in with lower tariffs and there performance on the courses, we found those that came through with low tariffs actually did better than those with higher grades. We took someone on who had incredibly low grades and they have out performed everyone on the course with an average score in the 80’s.
It’s all about attendance and engagement, those that attend and put the work in do well, those that don’t fail. It is really simple.
There is still time for him to sort this out but he needs to put the work in. We find a lot that come to university do not have the maturity at 18/19 to do well and most are better off taking time out to work first.
I would recommend letting him sort this out for himself but being there for him if he needs support/has questions.

He is absolutely mature enough. What the hell is doing instead of going to lectures?

Treating it like a holiday camp?!

What course was it, OliveJuice? It’s hard to imagine any rigorous course accepting those with incredibly low grades in the first place.

Engineering and Surveying courses. You might find it hard to imagine but we interview and get a better understanding of their work ethic, passion for the subject etc, rather than those picking a course without really understanding what the industry is about and the future prospects

In fact, I’m dubious about op’s ds getting on any degree course worth the paper it’s printed on with a single A Level.

Isn’t that more of a diploma? It’s hardly rocket science.