Teenager not working at Uni

[Busymum45]

I have a lovely lad who started uni in September, problem is we just found out he's not done any of the assignments and only attended 28% of lectures. Asked him and he said he struggled to get into the routine, kept missing things and now feels so.far behind he doesn't know what to do

We sat down together and he wrote an email to.his lecturer to ask for a meeting. Hopefully he will go and get something sorted.

I fear he can't cope with uni and really struggles to study independently.

Getting myself so stressed over it as pretty sure he will fail the year .

Is it something I should help him with or leave him to.it? They.may be adults at 18 but he is not mature enough yet?

Any advice welcome xxxx

I did an Access course back in the day. It was for over 18’s who’d not got A Levels. It got me onto a degree course.

I think op (sorry, op) confused the issue by saying he’d gotten unconditional offers and was currently doing a degree.

We all know that children develop at different rates. It's the same with young adults. While 18 is the legal age for adulthood they are still a 'work in progress'. There is definitely a Mumsnet assumption that all 18year olds are the finished article ready to take on the world and deal with all the pitfalls.

Going to university is hard, whatever anyone says. Imagine yourself moving to a new town, living somewhere new where you don't know anyone and starting a new job and having very little money. It's no wonder that some 18 year olds need more support. Some, will ask for support from their uni/tutor/friends/family and others won't.

@Busymum45, your son has made some poor decisions but that doesn't mean to say he's written off. He still has lots of options and he has time on his side! Encourage him to use all the support available to him (including you!) and there will be a way forward.

I think op (sorry, op) confused the issue by saying he’d gotten unconditional offers and was currently doing a degree.

He is, but it is one with a year 0. The foundation year gets you on to a single course (with some exceptions) at a single institution. An access course is more like A Levels in that it is a more general qualification, the most specialism would be something like an access to nursing course, you do specific units but you can take them to any uni.

I dont think you need write him off OP but neither do you have to be the one to sort this out. Let him feel the consequences of his actions .

Oh, I’m confused again, sashh. Op says he has offers from other institutions for next year?

You can look to move to start year one, or your 'proper' degree if you like , at a different institution. However, the foundation year offer works on the basis that if you pass year zero, you automatically proceed to year one of your subject degree course at the same institution, which is what most students in that position do. It's like changing bank accounts; most people stay put once they've signed up with one place (which of course is the reason for the unconditional offers being made by universities).

Right. Got it 😊

Update - not going back in September, going to take a year to.work, maybe travel and decide what to.do. Offers he has now will be deferred to 2021.

That sounds really positive BusyMum, glad to hear it!

Thanks , my mum.is worried he will.end up.in a dead end job doing nothing I think but dh.and I feel it's a good decision x

A year getting good work experience will be invaluable. So many youngsters are graduating with little work experience and struggling to get decent jobs.
Customer service, volunteering, computer skills- all key to employability.
And working to earn money to travel ( not funded by bank of mum and dad) is a great life lesson

I think realising things are not going well, making a plan for change and executing it means that he won’t end up in a ‘dead end job’.

I think your mum isn’t very helpful...

She just worries but says as long as he passes his foundation yr should be ok. We want him to get that as it gives much more choice for uni later.

Your mum probably has the view that a degree is an instant gateway to a good career. When less than 10% of the population went to uni in the 80’s etc it was more true if not certain. Now approx 50% of the population go to uni there is far less guarantee unless the degree is vocational. A year building employability skills will be invaluable.
Graduates often struggle to get into graduate posts because if competition. He should use this year to think about where he wants the degree to take him and get some relevant skills and experience to help him achieve that.

Thanks, I think it's a great idea. Be good experience and as you say, invaluable. I went to uni.but not many did then, now it seems everyone goes !!

Is is psychology ? If he is thinking about using this in a career then he could get some really useful volunteering in to help him see if this is really for him. Do- it.com etc.
Several recent psychology grads I know are working in minimum wage jobs whilst building up volunteering hours to enable them to pursue a clinical/ further study career.
Sounds like he needs to develop some self management skills which will be invaluable.