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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should 14 year old make their own lunch and snacks?

144 replies

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 15:32

My DS14 says as I’m his mum I should prepare all his food including easy things like sandwich, toast, pasta, pasty’s and pot noodle etc.

I think he should be able to do this himself and I just prepare the main dinner in the evening. He says it’s my job as his mum to look after him which includes feeding him. If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat. I’m scared to carry this on as he’s already skinny - which is part of his build not necessarily because he under-eats.

I don’t know what to do, does he have a point or is he just a lazy sod?

OP posts:
Wonkydonkey44 · 29/12/2019 15:35

He’s a lazy sod. My 7 year old makes her own packed lunch and can get her breakfast.

Baboutheocelot · 29/12/2019 15:35

He’s a lazy sod

Toomboom · 29/12/2019 15:35

He's being a lazy sod! If he wants snacks etc he is more than old enough and capable enough to do them himself. It is his choice if he refuses to eat.

If I am making lunch, then I will make it for whoever else is in the house. Otherwise they sort themselves out.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/12/2019 15:36

He is lazy. If I were making my own lunch if happily offer to make a sec9nd portion of the same thing - but if he wants something different he can do it himself.

strawberry2017 · 29/12/2019 15:36

Yes, he is old enough to help with all food prep and house work too:
Start him learning now and one day he will be a nice partner for someone. Keep enabling him to be lazy and whoever he ends up with won't thank you for it!

gh621 · 29/12/2019 15:37

At 14 he should definitely be capable of making his own lunch but are you not already making lunch for yourself/rest of the family? In which case it’s easier to make his too rather than be in each other’s way in the kitchen?
That’s what we do but the kids (13 and 15) will make their own lunch/dinner if for some reason we aren’t eating with them or are out (at work during school holidays for example)

Normandy144 · 29/12/2019 15:38

He is being lazy. Teach him to prepare his lunch etc and cook a few simple meals. What happens when he moves out of home and gets a partner? Do they have to cook for him because it's their job to look after him.

Dozer · 29/12/2019 15:38

Nice try, DS!

Make sure he becomes competent at all domestic work.

Original poster
Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 15:39

But when I refuse he says ‘well I wont eat then’ - which makes me feel guilty and worry because he doesn’t seem to eat much anyway

OP posts:
handmademitlove · 29/12/2019 15:39

Tell him that your job as his mum is to prepare him for adult life and that includes being able to feed hinself.. mum does not equal slave..

Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2019 15:40

He is well old enough to make his own lunch and he should be doing MUCH more than that. He should be doing his own laundry, hoovering, whatever else needs doing. Don't allow your son to grow up to be yet another useless man child.

DramaAlpaca · 29/12/2019 15:41

He's lazy. I hope he's doing jobs around the house, he should be at 14. At that age, in the school holidays my three boys were each expected to cook one evening meal a week. It's a good way to learn to cook.

Normandy144 · 29/12/2019 15:41

He is trying to guilt trip you and it is working. He knows you're so worried he won't eat that you will eventually capitulate. He has you wrapped around his finger. At the end of the day he eats an evening meal and presumably breakfast although you don't mention this. Try teaching him.a few life skills.

00100001 · 29/12/2019 15:41

"But when I refuse he says ‘well I wont eat then’ "

Call his bluff... He won't die missing one meal

Curiousmum69 · 29/12/2019 15:42

My 10 year old makes food including breakfast, lunch and sometimes a light tea
and my 14 year old makes the family dinner once a week.

You're son is lazy and entitled

perhapstomorrow · 29/12/2019 15:42

All my dc make their own snacks. My youngest (10) even makes his own packed lunch for school. I see being able to feed yourself as a basic life lesson.

gh621 · 29/12/2019 15:42

But when I refuse he says ‘well I wont eat then’ - which makes me feel guilty and worry because he doesn’t seem to eat much anyway

He will eat when he’s hungry

SimonJT · 29/12/2019 15:42

My four year old made himself roti wraps for lunch, they had hummus and salad leaves in. He also made himself a ‘milk’shake. Does he want to be less capable than a four year old?

Don’t feel guilty, he won’t starve to death.

Powerplant · 29/12/2019 15:43

As a mum you need to teach him how to survive in life therefore food prep. You’re not doing him or future partners any favours by cooking all his meals. He definitely won’t starve

fedup21 · 29/12/2019 15:43

If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat.

I’m sure a little bit of hunger will motivate him!

I make dinner and if they are around, I’ll make lunch if they want what we’re having, but snacks?? Surely he can get to the kitchen without adult help!

cheesewitheverything · 29/12/2019 15:45

Both my dc could cook a meal at that age!

teenagetantrums · 29/12/2019 15:46

Yes mine at younger than 14were doi g own snackes . Packed lunch and dinner once a week for whole family. To be honest if he doesn't want to eat leave him to it. All the 14 year olds l knew when mine were that age would clear the fridge in mins. At least you know you will still have food when you open the fridge 🤣

Normandy144 · 29/12/2019 15:46

I went to uni with a guy who couldn't even make a sandwich. His mother had done it all for him his whole life. He stayed in halls for the whole three years because he was too lazy to move out and cook for himself. I dread to think what kind of partner he's turned out to be.

MyDcAreMarvel · 29/12/2019 15:47

He should make his lunch if you are out the house/sick etc, but otherwise then yes of course as a parent you should prepare meals for your dc.

stripeypillowcase · 29/12/2019 15:48

of course he should

where does he get the idea from that preparing food is your job?