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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Should 14 year old make their own lunch and snacks?

144 replies

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 15:32

My DS14 says as I’m his mum I should prepare all his food including easy things like sandwich, toast, pasta, pasty’s and pot noodle etc.

I think he should be able to do this himself and I just prepare the main dinner in the evening. He says it’s my job as his mum to look after him which includes feeding him. If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat. I’m scared to carry this on as he’s already skinny - which is part of his build not necessarily because he under-eats.

I don’t know what to do, does he have a point or is he just a lazy sod?

OP posts:

cookiemonster5 · 29/12/2019 16:35

My 13 year old have been making his own lunches for years. He had even cooked tea for the whole family before too.

It's your job to teach him how to be self sufficient.

If he chooses not to eat then leave him be. He won't starve by missing a few meals now and again. He is playing toy like a fiddle knowing he can manipulate you to making food for him.

1066vegan · 29/12/2019 16:38

He is being incredibly lazy. Don't give into the emotional blackmail.

Dd started making her own breakfast as a toddler and her lunch on weekends/school holidays from about half-way through primary school.

At 14 she was cooking dinner once a week.

It's not just getting kids to pull their weight; it's preparing them to be independent adults.

Spacerader · 29/12/2019 16:39

My ds 13 and dd 12 make thier own school lunches. If they want snack in between meals they make thier own. And they have been known to make thier own dinner if I am late home or if ds is being fussy and wont eat what I have prepared for the family he has to make his own. I have always tried to make them independent and self sufficient.

I wont clean or change thier bedding either they have to do it themselves. They both know how to use the washing machine as well.

happycamper11 · 29/12/2019 16:39

Well my 6 year old does so.....

Heismyopendoor · 29/12/2019 16:40

Well you need to stop feeling guilty! I can assure you, if you 14 year old teen is hungry, he will go and eat something.

He is being a bit manipulative and I wouldn’t tolerate that.

My 7&6 year olds can make their own sandwiches and wraps, slice their own fruit and veggies etc. My 11 year old makes meals for the whole family! She made homemade gnocchi a few weeks ago! I’m sure your 14 yo can manage a pot noodle.

What else do you do for him? Does he do chores and pitch in around the house?

Starlight456 · 29/12/2019 16:45

Does he actually know how to do this stuff?

I would assume lazy however if you have always done it does he actually know how to?

He might need you in the kitchen or to be told to read the instructions?

If there was no food for him feel guilty..He can't be arsed not your problem

What is he doing instead?

Tighnabruaich · 29/12/2019 16:48

Your job as a mum is to raise a child who is capable of transforming into a fully-functioning adult. At 14 he should be already able to do all these things - do you want him to grow into a man who expects the women in his life to cater for his every need?

happycamper11 · 29/12/2019 16:50

I'd understand him needing instructions for a more complicated recipe but toast, a sandwich/wrap pitta bread or crackers and cheese is doable by anyone over the age of 5 ASN aside.

Tahitiitsamagicalplace · 29/12/2019 16:57

My 5 year old goes to a special school and has ASD, and he can make his own sandwiches, peels potatoes, helps me clean and make dinners. Other ds is 14 and cooks all sorts of things on his own. I had to show him how obvs, and that's what you need to do.

Don't let him walk all over you, you're doing him no favours. It's your job as a parent to raise your kid to be a functional adult.

PresidentBartlett · 29/12/2019 17:01

My 10 year old sorts her breakfast and school packed lunch. My 5 year old can get his own breakfast most mornings ( depending on what he wants) and my 3 year old clears off his dishes from the table. At 14 I'd be expecting them to help if not cook a meal for the rest of the family ones a week.

Let him not eat- he'll soon change his mind and start getting his own food. He won't starve himself. He's just trying to guilt trip you.

kiki22 · 29/12/2019 17:02

He sounds spoiled entitled and manipulative.

Sort him out before he's set loose on the world abusive people very oven have these traits it would worry me if my sons acted like this. They are 7 and 3 and we are now teaching the 3 year old to go collect his own yogurt/biscuit/fruit. 7 year old is nearly 8 and will be learning to make hot food this year.

smemorata · 29/12/2019 17:05

My DS has had to make his own lunch since he was 14 (at least on some days) as I work part time and he has to come home for lunch.

AuntieMarys · 29/12/2019 17:05

Mine were making their packed lunches in year 4 aged 8.

Original poster

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 17:10

I am fully aware that part of being a parent is preparing your child for adulthood- I have taught him how to make simple meals amongst other things. He used to knock up the occasional omelette or bowl of pasta when he was about 12 but I think he just can’t be arsed anymore.

I’ve told him I won’t be making him any snacks for him so he’s gone to his girlfriends where he said she’ll make him toast so not entirely sure that went to plan

OP posts:

Yestermost · 29/12/2019 17:12

Well he's a bit of work in the making...

AltheaVestr1t · 29/12/2019 17:14

What about other things, like folding washing and putting away, changing beds, doing dishes, house work? Do you do literally everything? I sense this might be a bigger issue than just the snacks.

Yestermost · 29/12/2019 17:15

That would be a 100% ban on all breakfasts, lunch and snacks and hw would make dinner once a week. My kids do that most days and are 9, 12 and 14. His girlfriend will tell him to sod off soon enough.

SunshineDays2019 · 29/12/2019 17:15

Wow. Don't tell me he's gaming when the food demands are given, and you take it to him? I expect you pick up dirty clothes from his bedroom floor as well. Does he manage to wash himself?

superram · 29/12/2019 17:19

I’m currently skiing. My 10 year old daughter’s sandwich was too buttery. She is happily making her own tomorrow. He needs to grow up-parenting isn’t a job.

Dementedmagpie · 29/12/2019 17:20

My DD is 13 and makes her own breakfast ("make" is rather over-used since it either requires pouring cereal and milk into a bowl, or putting a croissant in the oven. ) I've recently got both DC involved when we have lunch at home. If I'm cooking something, or we're all having the same, I would generally do it but often they want different things or want something cooked when I was planning snacks, then I ask them to pitch in.(open a tin, grate some cheese, put the oven on etc) If DD has an inset or half day she is often at home on her own if I have to work. She makes her own meals (usually fairly simple things like chicken nuggets and chips or a jacket potato with no vegetables in sight )

Original poster

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 17:21

Sunshine that’s quite presumptuous- no he’s not into gaming and he does manage to put his laundry in the basket- unlike a lot of teens he’s very clean and showers daily probably to smell nice for his gf

OP posts:

rededucator · 29/12/2019 17:22

By playing along with the charade you are teaching your son that emotional blackmail of women gets him what he wants. Please think about that. Do you genuinely think your son will sooner starve himself to death than boil a kettle for a pot noodle or put in some toast? You're enabling him.

Grasspigeons · 29/12/2019 17:23

Ita nice to do things for family and as a parent you need a balance of looking after and preparing for independence - but my 12 year old makes my breakfast and his lunch on a regular basis.

BitOfFun · 29/12/2019 17:24

The wee chancer! Wise up .

Original poster

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 17:24

No I’m not enabling at all and not teaching him that emotional blackmail of women gets him what he wants

OP posts:

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