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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should 14 year old make their own lunch and snacks?

144 replies

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 15:32

My DS14 says as I’m his mum I should prepare all his food including easy things like sandwich, toast, pasta, pasty’s and pot noodle etc.

I think he should be able to do this himself and I just prepare the main dinner in the evening. He says it’s my job as his mum to look after him which includes feeding him. If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat. I’m scared to carry this on as he’s already skinny - which is part of his build not necessarily because he under-eats.

I don’t know what to do, does he have a point or is he just a lazy sod?

OP posts:
Meneenamenana · 30/12/2019 20:08

My 13 year old ds makes his own snacks and can make his own packed lunch but normally has school dinners. He can cook meals with supervision- the supervision is more about me controlling the mess than his inability to do it! He is not great at cleaning up after himself. Oven food like pizza, nuggets, chips he makes alone. And he’s very clumsy, bit immature and forgetful so if he can I’m sure your can too!

midwintermorning · 30/12/2019 20:51

Lazy sod!

Karlski · 31/12/2019 13:20

Just repeating what everyone else has said...

...Lazy sod

Rocsand03 · 31/12/2019 14:17

Let’s just remember he is somebody’s child whatever the opinions ....

Original poster
Susiebluesy · 31/12/2019 14:50

I’ve refused to prepare him any snacks since posting and he’s refused to eat 😕. Although there’s always a main meal here for hi. Every evening he’s always at his gf’s for the evening.

I presume he’s eating at his gf’s house, he says he is but in the next breath says he doesn’t like her mums cooking.

He won’t even eat something that takes no preparation like an apple or banana.

Not sure what else I can do. I need to remain consistent but am so worried as I mentioned in a pp he’s skinny anyway.

Thanks to everyone who has been helpful or constructive.

OP posts:
Letseatgrandma · 31/12/2019 15:16

A 14 year old who is at his girlfriend’s all evening every day?
A 14 year old that won’t eat even an apple without it being handed to him?

This is very odd!

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 31/12/2019 15:35

Let him get on with it. Eating disorders aside, I doubt any teenager is going to starve himself through stubbornness

rededucator · 31/12/2019 15:53

It’s only been 2 days. At this stage it’s a battle of wills. Stay strong and remember it’s for his own benefit in the long run.

MyMajesty · 31/12/2019 22:36

You're not refusing to give him food, remember, you're refusing to behave like a servant as he wants.

Have you any idea why he thinks you should do that?
Is he aware that mothers of teenagers don't normally act as servants?

Continue to provide food in the normal way. It's up to him if he eats it, or not.

sashh · 01/01/2020 04:32

Stick to your guns OP

I'd also say email the school because he's probably going to tell someone you are not feeding him.

Dozer · 01/01/2020 07:46

Manipulative of him. It would be doing him no favours to pander to it.

Why is he at his GF’s so much?

Copperblack · 01/01/2020 07:50

I had one like this. I dutifully made him a super healthy quinoa and raw veg bowl for his lunches. He soon decided he could make his own pot noodle.

AllInTheBestPossibleTaste · 01/01/2020 20:53

Don't break OP, he won't starve, just don't break

JustDanceAddict · 03/01/2020 16:19

Mine is 15 and perfectly capable - and does - make a simple meal or snack. If I’m around and not busy I’ll make him
Lunch but if not, he will.
What happens if you’re out? Does he not eat anything?

user1494670108 · 04/01/2020 17:53

I suspect he won't want to look too skinny so don't be held to ransom by him as he won't let it get too far.
Maybe emphasise that he'll look skinny/ scrawny etc

Catapillarsruletheworld · 04/01/2020 21:06

I’ll make the dds lunch if we’re having the same thing, but if they’re having something different then they make their own. Dd2 makes her own packed lunch for school, but I do seem to mostly end up making dd1s as she’s never down in time to do it.

Dds are 15 and 11.

Eustacecraig · 04/01/2020 21:29

I presume he’s eating at his gf’s house, he says he is but in the next breath says he doesn’t like her mums cooking.

Course he's eating. I know if must be awful, but all he's doing is trying to worry you so you cave in. He won't starve himself.

At 14, my mother wouldn't have allowed me to go to a boyfriend's house every night. Can you not just say 'no, you're staying in tonight to help with the washing/changing the beds/cooking the tea. Surely GF's parents are getting a bit annoyed?

Also, have you got GF's parents' contact details? If so, ring and ask if he's eating.

TheHagOnTheHill · 06/01/2020 03:46

Your job as a mum is to ensure he becomes a capable adult.This means he should prepare food,keep his own room clean,tidy up after himself and start to grow up.His gf won't be very impressed with him if he complains that his mum won't peel his bananas.

HalfManHalfLabrador · 06/01/2020 03:58

He is both lazy and manipulative. I pity any partner he ends up with if he carries on like that

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