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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should 14 year old make their own lunch and snacks?

144 replies

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 15:32

My DS14 says as I’m his mum I should prepare all his food including easy things like sandwich, toast, pasta, pasty’s and pot noodle etc.

I think he should be able to do this himself and I just prepare the main dinner in the evening. He says it’s my job as his mum to look after him which includes feeding him. If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat. I’m scared to carry this on as he’s already skinny - which is part of his build not necessarily because he under-eats.

I don’t know what to do, does he have a point or is he just a lazy sod?

OP posts:
slothbyday · 29/12/2019 15:49

Of course he should be able to cook and prepare meals by now. My 7 and 12 year old cook for the whole family at least once a week each (obv we support oven/knives for 7 yo but 12yo is totally independent).

I do make pack lunches for school because we'd never make the bus otherwise but I'd rather they did that them selves too!

Op, think it's time to call out the entitledness - let him go hungry, he will soon learn!

(Btw, one of the best things we ever did was instigate cook nights where each person has responsibility for feeding the rest of the house one night a week - we have had a few beans on toast meals but also had Katsu chicken, macaroni cheese, roast dinners! It worked better than we imagined it would and I would totally recommend trying it in every house)

Mintjulia · 29/12/2019 15:54

Cheeky little sod. You are not his flippin’ hand maiden Hmm
At 14 he should be able to make beans on toast, an omelette, pizza & salad and soup & bread.

My ds is 11. Occasionally, I get him to shop for and cook all the food for a Saturday.
It usually turns out as frozen pizza, a reasonable salad and pancakes with maple syrup, so not desperately healthy but I know he won’t starve if I get bad flu.
He also helps with cricket teas so can turn out ham & mustard sandwiches at speed.

Your ds should be able to do the same. It’s not hard.

Ohyesiam · 29/12/2019 15:55

But when I refuse he says ‘well I wont eat then’ - which makes me feel guilty and worry because he doesn’t seem to eat much anyway

Well stop feeding him now while he has a few more years under your jurisdiction, because if he leaves home STILL unable to make himself food, you won’t be there to pick up the pieces. It’s part of parenting, handing on life skills, you can’t send him out into the world with the skills of a primary school child. If you do you will have failed him.

He knows he can control you because you fall into guilt, just say “ ok then” a few times and he’ll get off his arse.

CrazylazyJane · 29/12/2019 16:00

What an utter chancer you've got!

As others have said, he is plenty old enough to be feeding himself. Let him starve... he won't. He'll instead get off his lazy ass when he realises that you're his mother and not his slave. Be prepared for him threatening not to eat or eating a load of junk. Don't fret and panda to him.

Do not feel guilty for refusing to cook for him. Part of being a parent is preparing your (almost adult) son for life and that includes learning to fend for himself.

Mintjulia · 29/12/2019 16:16

Op, make sure there is cheese, bread, butter and tomatoes in the fridge, and then go out for the day. Better if there are no crisps or peanuts, so he has to improvise. Smile

He’ll be fine.

ConfusedAndStressed95 · 29/12/2019 16:17

I've been cooking most of my meals myself since I was 11. Unless my mother had company or was making a big tea. He's old enough and should be capable enough to make his own meals.

mumwon · 29/12/2019 16:17

hmm op I think you feel a bit ill - flu perhaps? Ds needs to make your meal & tea - otherwise he can starve - as a parent (tell him) its your job to make him independent or would he like you to bathe him & wash his hair too? (time to push baby bird into learning to fly so he can look after himself!!!)

iklboo · 29/12/2019 16:18

DS14 makes his own tea on occasion never mind sandwiches and snacks.

Lipperfromchipper · 29/12/2019 16:19

Why don’t you start off by doing it with him and then slowly ease yourself out of the equation as such. Or if you are making something then offer it to him. Do you not have lunch or breakfast?? I mean when I was 18 if my mum made porridge she asked me if I would like some if I didn’t then fair enough I did my own thing. And vice verse.

iklboo · 29/12/2019 16:20

He should make his lunch if you are out the house/sick etc, but otherwise then yes of course as a parent you should prepare meals for your dc.

Why? Does he live in The Hilton? How is he going to learn to cook / fend for himself if OP is going all Downton Abbey for him?

Piixxiiee · 29/12/2019 16:21

Emotional blackmail! He wont starve himself- might go a while without but he'll be fine. My 3 year old does this my 6 year old does snacks a d lunch herself sometimes 3 yr old can do sandwiches with help. A 14 year old should be able to cook a meal for you a few times a week!

HarrietThePi · 29/12/2019 16:22

He should make his lunch if you are out the house/sick etc, but otherwise then yes of course as a parent you should prepare meals for your dc.

That's ridiculous. He's 14, he can make himself a sandwich whether or not his mum is home. And he should be.

Longdistance · 29/12/2019 16:22

He’d starve in my house.

Dds 10 and 8 make their packed lunches the night before. The go downstairs and make their own breakfasts.

Your ds is a lazy toad.

OhMsBeliever · 29/12/2019 16:25

He's hilarious! Mine have been making their own lunch since they were about 7. If they said that to me I'd tell them to ahead and not eat. Or I'd tell them they were going to make dinner for the whole family as they obviously need to learn to cook.

MapMyMum · 29/12/2019 16:25

My 14yr ds cooks quite regularly spaghetti, macaroni, pizzas etc all from scratch can also bake. My 8yr old also helps out and is keen to start doing more too

Allow him to go hungry, lazy sexist boy! Does he expect his dad or any other male adults to cater his every whim?
Is this because he is gaming or stuck in social media so he cant get off his ass to make food by any chance? Or what is he doing that is so important

FinallyHere · 29/12/2019 16:27

Surely your job as a parent is to bring D.C. up to be functioning adults. That would include feeding them when they are too small to know how and expand into making sure they know enough to feed themselves.

Ideally, to demonstrate that ability and contribute to family life by making (and clearing up) a meal for the family once a week. Among other domestic duties.

ps v v unlikely to die of starvation, so long as you don't give in to the attempted blackmail.

madcatladyforever · 29/12/2019 16:28

You what?.........He's going to make someone a wonderful husband. Learn to say no. You are not his personal servant and maid and this entitled behaviour is very bad for him.
He will eat if he's hungry.
My son would never have dared to talk to me like that.

OhMyDarling · 29/12/2019 16:29

My 14 yr old does her breakfast and lunch. We all take turns to cook the evening meal or one of us peeps and puts in oven, the other checks it and dishes up, the third one washes up.

In my social circle the teen boys seem to get away with being very lazy and do little for themselves let alone the rest of the household. It’s no wonder they have trouble as adults.

Cut those apron strings, in fact pass him the apron. He won’t starve and he might even discover a love of cooking and a possible future career.
Doing everything for him deskills him and diminishes independence.

cricketmum84 · 29/12/2019 16:29

He's a lazy sod and is using emotional blackmail. Stay strong though - in my experience teen boys will not stay hungry for long and will break long before you will where food is involved.

FWIW my now 15 year old would happily offer to make a complex evening meal for the whole family from 13. His Thai curry is immense.

madcatladyforever · 29/12/2019 16:31

Somehow I don't think he is going to starve to death when he leaves home.

andannabegins · 29/12/2019 16:32

If I am making things then of course I will make for all but otherwise they are capable of sorting themselves out. My 14DD is capable of doing tea for the family if I am at work!

BrokenWing · 29/12/2019 16:32

ds(15) for the last couple of years makes his own porridge/banana for breakfast and easily things like sandwiches, cheese/ham omelettes, poached eggs on toast, pizza, sausages, anything that goes in oven/microwave etc.

He also helps with meals, but usually only veg chopping, stirring, making gravy from granules and does dishwasher duty.

It is time for some basic lessons on taking care of himself! Is his dad around? If he is he should be taking an active role in the training!

tigger1001 · 29/12/2019 16:32

My 13 year old sorts his own breakfast and can cook basic meals so can easily sort lunch/snacks. I will make lunch if home and all eating, but he often wants something different to what I am making so will sort that himself.

He does love to cook though, has his own recipe books and currently has an orange chocolate cake in the oven.

It's my job to prepare him for life as an adult. That means being able to cook/clean and look after himself. It's absolutely not my job to be his servant (different when they are younger, but still can help do basic tasks) as that just encourages laziness

justaweeone · 29/12/2019 16:32

Cheeky boy!!
I'd be getting him to do his own washing, change own bed as well!

Inanothertime · 29/12/2019 16:33

My God.
Yes, by all means prepare family meals for everyone if you are cooking in the family but snacks, pot noodle, sandwiches? Not a chance. You are his Mum, not his skivvy.

If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat.
Then he will very sadly starve won't he.
Put a stop to this entitled manipulative behaviour quickly.

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