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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Should 14 year old make their own lunch and snacks?

144 replies

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 15:32

My DS14 says as I’m his mum I should prepare all his food including easy things like sandwich, toast, pasta, pasty’s and pot noodle etc.

I think he should be able to do this himself and I just prepare the main dinner in the evening. He says it’s my job as his mum to look after him which includes feeding him. If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat. I’m scared to carry this on as he’s already skinny - which is part of his build not necessarily because he under-eats.

I don’t know what to do, does he have a point or is he just a lazy sod?

OP posts:
Steerpike902 · 29/12/2019 20:10

And honestly if he can't he bothered to make himself some toast he's going to have a rude awakening when his gfs don't find it so cute anymore. There's been a huge push from women in their 20s not to accept this behaviour. I'm 31 and I don't think a single one of my friends would accept this. So nature will sort him out if he's too rude to you.

selmabear · 29/12/2019 20:12

No child will starve. He's trying to control you OP by threatening to not eat I'd you don't prepare him a meal. Next time he says that you just say "fine" and leave him to it. He wont last long.

RUSU92 · 29/12/2019 20:12

I think he’s pushing his luck as I do everything for his brother who’s 13 (he’s disabled). As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have taught him life skills and he is able, but I agree he is a complete lazy sod, I think maybe there is some jealousy or deeper issues going on which of course I will talk to him about. Sounds like you've nailed it!

FWIW my DS1 is very much "I didn't choose to be born, you're my parent, you have to do xyz, that's your job!" Cheeky shit gets told but he still insists on this attitude sometimes.

The other DCs (younger at 13 & 15) are very helpful and laugh at how helpless DS1 is around the house "you've never put a clothes wash on?! Good luck to your GF when you move out!" He's slowly growing out of it, but I can imagine that if yours sees you having to do everything for his DB and feels like he's having to be self sufficient it must be hard for him.

Certainly in the school holidays I announce at the beginning that I will be making ONE meal each day - a proper dinner - but brekky, lunch and snacks are up to you. If anyone whines that they're hungry I point them to the kitchen and tell them to make me some lunch while I'm working.

Rocsand03 · 29/12/2019 21:30

Mine is 14 too and like you I make the main meals. There’s no harm in them making their own snacks etc. We buy in the food so we are looking after them. It’s up to them to eat it x

Inanothertime · 29/12/2019 22:30

I’ve told him I won’t be making him any snacks for him so he’s gone to his girlfriends where he said she’ll make him toast so not entirely sure that went to plan
Followed by...
No I’m not enabling at all and not teaching him that emotional blackmail of women gets him what he wants

Where is he getting his attitude from? His attitude stinks.

Rocsand03 · 29/12/2019 23:52

I’ve just forgot the past hour being as stubborn as my son barking demands at me to mdd as I’d him dinner as he couldn’t be bothered getting up today.... I simply wanted the magic word. Would he give in? Took ages and it was killing him not giving in. I said well I can wait all night and you’re getting nothing til I’m asked politely. He said fine, so did I. Then minutes later he decided he was going in to use the oven to make himself something.. he does know how to use it but hasn’t quite got to grips with timing etc. I said do how you going to do that, he said I’ll read the instructions.... ok then. I waited ... couple of minutes later came marching in to his room passed me and said ok PLEASE (barked!) can you make my dinner!! Grin ..

Rocsand03 · 29/12/2019 23:53

Grrr phone sorry ... spent the past hour, not forgot! Angry

Melodymay · 30/12/2019 00:02

My DS is also 14 and he makes his own packed lunches for school to ensure he gets what he wants to eat. No fuss. You are not his servant, he needs to learn how to do things for himself. Teaching children life skills is one of our jobs. That includes cooking and cleaning up after yourself. Easily said. But it can be done. Especially when they get hungry.

Celticrose · 30/12/2019 00:06

When I was 14 sometimes when I got home from school my mum would be away shopping in another city and I would let myself in. If it was winter I would light the fire and sometimes I would have to go out the back to the coal shed to fill the bucket. Then I would make myself something to eat usually pasta.

rededucator · 30/12/2019 00:07

Roscsand03 well done for holding firm! Hopefully that’s a lesson learned for him. If you want to take it a step further don’t assist helping him until the please is even more genuine than a ‘bark’. Excellent move on your part, the absolute way to go Smile

rededucator · 30/12/2019 00:09

A victory is a victory though! Smile

TrainspottingWelsh · 30/12/2019 00:09

From dc being 10 or so I've only made snacks and sandwiches for them if I am making something for myself, same as dp and I do with each other.

Think it's slightly ott to assume from one post that op is raising a man that expects all women to wait on him. It's a typical teenager response. If she'd refused to provide him with shots, fake id and a lift to a nightclub he'd no doubt have responded in the same standard way, going elsewhere because they would cater to him. And no reason to think he's being anymore truthful about the toast.

Rocsand03 · 30/12/2019 00:31

To be honest I’m a disabled mum and I came from a large family. Mostly boys but me and my older sister too and she was the second oldest and basically besides my mum was the one who was expected to do things around the home. Mum did all the cooking etc but she did a lot of the chores. I always wanted to cook but was always kicked out of the kitchen because I was in the road. I never ever was expected or taught how to cook or take care of the house ... let alone a child! So it is so important to me that my own son is independent in life. Admittedly I haven’t made him do too much around the house but I have taught him how to cook some stuff like pasta, snacks etc and how to cook following instructions. Like I said before he hasn’t really got to grips with timing yet but we’re getting there. As for the housework etc, he’s actually always been really good at cleaning his room and I’m hairy enough with that but yes I intend to change things to get everybody helping out... including the husband! Smile

Rocsand03 · 30/12/2019 00:32

Happy! Grin

Iwantacookie · 30/12/2019 00:33

Yanbu he is lazy. If I'm making something to eat and dc are around I'll make them something too. If not well tough this isn't a hotel with room service.

doritosdip · 30/12/2019 00:42

What a lazy sod!
Ds 13 makes his own lunches and breakfasts Monday to Friday and is expected to cook for the whole family once during the week and once at weekends. (Same rule for his sibling)

MyMajesty · 30/12/2019 00:42

I sense this might be a bigger issue than just the snacks.

Is it part of some "cool guys" notion he and his mates have about women being there to serve men?

If it's jealousy of his disabled brother, that's ridiculous.

Toppedtoo12 · 30/12/2019 00:45

Give him a kick up the backside . At that age I was cooking entire main meals for my whole family . And not just oven food .

Gingerkittykat · 30/12/2019 00:45

Show him this video, if a toddler can cook Nasi Goreng for his sister then he can make himself a sandwich.

Inanothertime · 30/12/2019 07:38

The boy in the video isn't a toddler (I'd say 8/9) but nevertheless, young & very impressive!

Echobelly · 30/12/2019 07:40

DD has been making some of her own meals since she was 9. Honestly I so welcomed once she could even make a sandwich, makes life so much easier!

KatherineJaneway · 30/12/2019 07:43

Lazy sod.

sashh · 30/12/2019 07:55

Sit him down with a box set of masterchef junior and stop feeding him.

If he asks you for a snack ask him if his penis is a disability that stops him using a toaster?

Foghead · 30/12/2019 08:03

My 14 yr old often makes breakfast and lunch for himself. Sometimes he makes it for his younger siblings too.
I think every family member should do their bit.

Oblomov20 · 30/12/2019 08:38

Shock Come in OP!

Ds1 has been making his own sandwiches for school since day 1 of secondary.

Ds2 makes his own snack pot of grapes etc and he's in primary!