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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Should 14 year old make their own lunch and snacks?

144 replies

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 15:32

My DS14 says as I’m his mum I should prepare all his food including easy things like sandwich, toast, pasta, pasty’s and pot noodle etc.

I think he should be able to do this himself and I just prepare the main dinner in the evening. He says it’s my job as his mum to look after him which includes feeding him. If I don’t make him all his food he refuses to eat. I’m scared to carry this on as he’s already skinny - which is part of his build not necessarily because he under-eats.

I don’t know what to do, does he have a point or is he just a lazy sod?

OP posts:

rededucator · 29/12/2019 17:27

I'm afraid to say you seem to have been up until today. And what's been the result? He's off to his girlfriend's who will make him toast, I presume he's tried the same tactic on her and found it to work.

BlueCornsihPixie · 29/12/2019 17:27

As a parent it's your job to provide food for your child

However that doesn't mean making them everything they ever have to eat. It just means making sure enough food is available. Providing bread and cheese/ham etc. to make himself sandwiches is fine.

At 14 I would expect them to make their own breakfast and lunch. If I was making lunch e.g. soup I would make extra for them if they wanted, however would still expect them to get said soup into their bag + any additional food (fruit, roll etc).

You wouldn't be expected to pour milk onto this cereal, this is the same. The food is there for him, you have done your job. Up to him to feed himself.

My only thought is he's not using this as a way to avoid eating? You said he doesn't eat much anyway?

rededucator · 29/12/2019 17:28

And what's more, he's boasting about it to you.

willowmelangell · 29/12/2019 17:28

Better late than never OP, to teach basics.
Buy some pizza bases, tomato paste, an onion and cheese. Ham, peppers and mushrooms optional. Show him how to grate cheese, slice onion, peppers and mushroom. Assemble and put on a tray in a hot oven.

Show him once and leave him to it once a week.
He is a lazy sod.

strawberry2017 · 29/12/2019 17:44

Great that he can put his washing in a basket but does he know how to put the washing on; sort it and iron his own things?
If he does then he has some serious learning to do.
As someone who is married to a lazy man child believe me you are doing him no favours!

Original poster

Susiebluesy · 29/12/2019 17:45

I think he’s pushing his luck as I do everything for his brother who’s 13 (he’s disabled). As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have taught him life skills and he is able, but I agree he is a complete lazy sod, I think maybe there is some jealousy or deeper issues going on which of course I will talk to him about.

OP posts:

bullyingadvice2017 · 29/12/2019 17:47

You will be back in 4 years with a 18 year old brat who says "why should I get a job. You choose to have me you pay for me!"

He would be on a very steep learning curve in my house. If he's old enough to be all grown up with his girlfriend he's wayyy old enough to make some food. Lazy manipulating shit. He has learnt this is acceptable from somewhere.

ThunderboltandLightning · 29/12/2019 17:50

He is definitely developing some sexist attitudes about whose role it is to prepare meals. Mum has put her foot down so he is off to get the girlfriend to do it. He does sound indulged and entitled.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 29/12/2019 17:51

Yep. He's a lazy sod. My youngest has made her lunch since she was 12. I can't remember what her brothers did but I'm sure I just directed them to the fridge.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 29/12/2019 17:53

so he’s gone to his girlfriends where he said she’ll make him toast

I would be asking him why he believes he is less able to make toast than his girlfriend.

iklboo · 29/12/2019 17:59

so he’s gone to his girlfriends where he said she’ll make him toast

I would be asking him why he believes he is less able to make toast than his girlfriend.

Maybe he thinks toasters, washing machines etc are DNA locked to the female genome.

TheLittleBrownFox · 29/12/2019 18:02

Please, for his future girlfriends' sakes, start raising him to learn that he can't manipulate the women in his life into doing all the wife work.

TheLittleBrownFox · 29/12/2019 18:03

Oh. For his current girlfriend, too. Apparently.

AllInTheBestPossibleTaste · 29/12/2019 18:11

So he would rather trek to his GF rather then pop some bread in the toaster....sounds like a catch. Wonder how long she and her family will put up with that entitled behaviour.

crochetandshit · 29/12/2019 18:13

Well he's a sexist lazy pig isn't he?

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 29/12/2019 18:18

Maybe he thinks toasters, washing machines etc are DNA locked to the female genome.

Yes, "woman's work". But I would like to hear him actually say that.

FanSpamTastic · 29/12/2019 18:19

DS is 13 - he makes his own breakfast, packed lunch and can rustle up a hot lunch too. Though his repertoire is basically anything in a can on toast. Or microwaved pasty/pie etc.

SMaCM · 29/12/2019 18:23

It's not all or nothing though. My DD liked it when I made her packed lunches, but was also perfectly capable of doing it herself. She didn't take it for granted that I would do it.

FruitcakeOfHate · 29/12/2019 18:27

Then let him starve. His girlfriend would be getting a flea in her ear about pandering to sexist lazy sods from me.

eeyore228 · 29/12/2019 18:29

I’m sorry but your sons attitude sucks! My DD’s who are 10 & 8 respectively make their own breakfast and lunch. They help me when I cook. They give me a hand with washing. I think it’s so important that they learn life skills, they can’t be older if they only want some of the fun and none of the responsibilities. Not only that l, what an attitude to have towards his mum. He needs to grow up a tad!!

CaramelMama · 29/12/2019 19:27

Definately needs to do more himself. My DS is 6 and makes sandwhiches, toast and small meals himself and even enjoya making cookies, cakes etc with onky a small amount of supervision. My DS seemed shocked that his friend from school of the same age couldn't make a sandwhich. If I'm doing a snack I would do him one but if I'm doing aomething else he never insists I do. It he will just make it himself or make us both one. Your child is 14, he isnt a child anymore he is a young adult who needs to take responsibility. Tell him to grow up or go hungry, he wont starve if you refuse to do it for him, he is still getting main meals.

HarrietThePi · 29/12/2019 19:37

He's gone to his gf's house so she can make him toast?! I hope she's not actually doing that.

Stay firm op, I'm sure he won't be able to go to her house everytime he gets hungry and he'll start to do it for himself eventually.

Starlight456 · 29/12/2019 19:52

Your responses are very defensive op. Based on op you have been enabling him.

I do make my Ds meals ( 12) most the time but it makes it more balanced but does cook or help me cook sometimes.

If I was making lunch I make it for everyone in the house. But weekends when we have more time he might do it.

The fact his gf wil make him toast suggests he thinks it below him to cook.

Steerpike902 · 29/12/2019 20:06

Just ignore it. He can make himself a sandwich, or nothing. Throw a cereal bar and some vegetable sticks in his bag for his lunch and he'll soon be making it himself. Don't worry about it, he's just being a cheeky sod as he's a teenager and pushing his luck. He might have a huff but he'll get over himself.

Fatted · 29/12/2019 20:09

I was making all my own meals from about 14.

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