DS15 not come home and it's 3.17am

[worriedmum80]

Not sure why I'm posting here just need some positive hope and words.

DS15 went out with mates at 5pm told me he'd be back at 10pm.
I texted him at 9.40 asking him not to be late as I was going to bed with DD8mnths. He replied I'll be 40 mins my phone battery is on 2%.
That's the last I've heard from him!!

I'm been trying his phone and it's obviously off now, I e ring the police and reported him missing now I'm just sat here shaking, worried thinking the worst. What more can I do, I feel hopeless! Can't go driving looking around for him, the baby's in bed asleep.

He's not the best behaved teenager, admitted he goes to party with his mates, they sometimes have a few drinks just the usual "teenage" stuff.
Now I'm worried he's got drunk passed out somewhere or been in a fight and in a bad way somewhere. Why would he say he'd be 40 mins. The latest he's ever been is maybe 11-11.30

These years are never easy but you did great with your ds.

Have RTFT. WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles says it brilliantly.

Lay it on, relieved as you are. Explain sanctions and add what you’ll do if he does it again.
My son started this sort of behaviour at 14/15 and in the next couple of years I collected him from police stations several times.
An inspector gave me a glimmer of hope. She said most kids who go off the rails suddenly stop before their 17th birthday when they would be treated differently by the law. She was right.
I hope your son has the sense to change his behaviour now.

OP - I do realise your son didn’t do anything illegal.Nor did mine the first time! It depends what his friends are like.

Ignore the perfect parents brigade. You did the right thing. 👍😁

*Having 'a few drinks' at 15 years old, and getting "really drunk" let alone "He was that drunk he couldn't get his phone out to put it on charge!"- he is a 15 year old child!

That, is simply NOT normal teenage behaviour. That is a 15 year old child with an out of control binge drinking/alcoholic disorder.*

Well it might be that but it is more likely a pack of lies in terms of the degree of inebriation and he just didn't want to go home at the time.

Glad to hear all's well worriedmum80 I have had this sort of caper with my DD's as because of the pile of pox iphone she has that never gets charged I have most all of their mates numbers in my phone! Now that might seem a bit odd but if her phones dead then one of the others will almost certainly have their phone on and charged and will respond to a text, usually to say "we've decied to go somethere else and your DD2 is staying over at mine tonight" or a similaer thing anb thanks DD* for letting me know!

Well it might be that but it is more likely a pack of lies in terms of the degree of inebriation and he just didn't want to go home at the time
I think that's very likely. They do tend to exagerrate even to each other.

I can't believe the police have time to chase around drunk teens pushing boundaries. I'm glad he got home safely but what a horrendous waste of police time.

I can't believe the police have time to chase around drunk teens pushing boundaries. I'm glad he got home safely but what a horrendous waste of police time

Thank God it was a 'waste of police time' to be honest.

The police weren't called because he was drunk it was because he was a missing child. Thank goodness he didn't turn out to be stabbed, drowned or lying somewhere with hypothermia because his mates had abandoned him drunk and unconscious (happened to someone I know).

TBH it’s the police and the call handlers job to decide what they have the time and resources to do. If they didn’t think this was their business they would have politely told the OP to jog on.

They didn’t so I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.

So glad he is home safe! I'm not surprised you were worried!

I am surprised by the more judgemental posts though! I thought this was meant to be a supportive place!

He's at an age where I think you need to talk "adult to soon-to-be adult" and let him know that it's most important to get in touch with you so you aren't sick with worry and reporting to police. Kids break curfew, stay out, disobey at that age. It's all testing limits. Not the time to overreact. Ultimately you just NEED to know he's safe. All else can be dealt with calmly and rationally at a different time. He's more likely to respect and be respectful of your rules and feelings if you discuss things rationally and give real reasons for your decisions. I'm so glad it worked out. I have 16, 17 and 18 yo's. Its a tough time parenting a changing relationship.

I was holding my breath until I saw the update. Really glad he's ok, as for anyone saying he's got a drink problem, pff really! I used to have a good drink at that age, loads of my friends did, my god if my mum knew what I got up to! But she allowed me a certain bit of freedom and there was some mutual respect there, I didn't take the piss and usually told her where I was, unless I didn't want her to know 🤭. If they want to try a beer or two they're going to, and making it so forbidden will make it seem all the more tasty.
If I'd have been in your shoes though I would be distraught and possibly wanting the police helicopter out for my boy so well done . Xx

Aren't there some bizarre comments on here? And a good smattering of snobbery, inverse or otherwise. No one should ever assume that they know everything about what their teen-agers would or wouldn't do (even Norman Bates's mother didn't know him as well as she thought 😆). And there is nothing superior about knowing what areas have higher crime rates and being concerned that your child is spending time in those BV areas, especially when they're not contactable. Unless of course you're so entrenched that you can't see the wood for the trees. Makes me think of a line from a Pulp number 'Nobody wants to be your friend because you're not from round here, as if that was something to be proud about '

Just to be clear, the drinking is normal
Just to be clear, it isn't for everyone. Why is it so difficult to accept that, for some, it's just not normal.
IMO, yes this kind of thing happens, no it is not great, but 15 is the hardest age. I have scooped up boys from our lawn after a little “gathering” (age 15-16) who somehow managed to get drunk despite my supervision/only providing shandy
Providing alcohol to a bunch of 15-16 year olds is probably WHY it is 'normal' and just something 'teens do'.

I cannot understand the derision aimed at those who don't agree that drinking at 15 is normal. It truly isn't in my world so I will never see it as "oh, they're all doing it" "perfectly normal behaviour" Shit like this doesn't help either Show me a parent who hasn't had at least one terrifying moment with a toddler or a teenager, and I'll show you a liar I had a few terrifying moments with mine as toddlers so I guess I'm not a liar by your definition but the implication is still there that I am doing something wrong if my teenager doesn't go off the rails, or drinks, runs away, disrespects or ignores me.

In many instances, I think it is just lazy parenting. Easier to just go with the "oh, what can you do" hands in the air approach. I don't know if that applies to anyone on this thread and would prefer posters keep their faux outrage contained if it does not.

I actually have nothing but relief and happiness towards the OP that her child is home and is safe so will end on that note

Hope he is back safely. My eldest did this to me all the time. Hence my grey hair. Used to listen for the night bus hopefully bringing him home. But he finally came good. Degree, job, etc. Wishing you well.

Glad he’s ok OP

As a post teen parent I find the certainty of the pre teen parents here a joy to behold. To those of you who are dogmatic - be grateful to the people like me. Your children end up in houses like mine when they're drunk but won't go home for fear of a drubbing. Nothing illegal happens in my house, but I repeatedly find myself looking after teenagers who are the worse for wear. Even the loveliest of kids go awry occasionally and I know several really nice and caring families who have had to call the police for a thoughtlessly missing teen. It's a complicated stage of life.

Worriedmum80 I must apologise for coming in the tail end of this but I had to say how much I admire the way you’ve dealt with all of this. I wish I had your resolve and maybe my one time teen would be in a better place now. I would have been hysterical and belted the baby into the back seat and be scouring the streets wailing at 1 am!
You did an excellent job and I hope errant son has learnt himself a life lesson

I can't believe the police have time to chase around drunk teens pushing boundaries. I'm glad he got home safely but what a horrendous waste of police time

If you think that the police shouldn't "waste their time" looking for missing children, what do you think is a better use of their time? There is certainly no inanimate object more precious than a child.

CjsGoldfish do you have teenagers yet?

My dd is now 17 and fortunately hasn’t yet disappeared for a night but that’s more to do with her being such a home-bird. She has got monumentally pissed though and I could honestly see her forgetting to charge her phone and passing out. She also gets high now sometimes too which troubles me more in a way. Before she was a teenager I may have been quite smug and preachy about what I would ir wouldn’t allow but now I’m humbled like the rest of teenage parents focusing on damage-limitation.

Parents of teenagers I meant to say.