DS15 not come home and it's 3.17am

[worriedmum80]

Not sure why I'm posting here just need some positive hope and words.

DS15 went out with mates at 5pm told me he'd be back at 10pm.
I texted him at 9.40 asking him not to be late as I was going to bed with DD8mnths. He replied I'll be 40 mins my phone battery is on 2%.
That's the last I've heard from him!!

I'm been trying his phone and it's obviously off now, I e ring the police and reported him missing now I'm just sat here shaking, worried thinking the worst. What more can I do, I feel hopeless! Can't go driving looking around for him, the baby's in bed asleep.

He's not the best behaved teenager, admitted he goes to party with his mates, they sometimes have a few drinks just the usual "teenage" stuff.
Now I'm worried he's got drunk passed out somewhere or been in a fight and in a bad way somewhere. Why would he say he'd be 40 mins. The latest he's ever been is maybe 11-11.30

Glad to read he's OK, and equally glad his friends were responsible enough to bring him to a safe place to sleep it off.

Hi op so glad your son is home.

Why did the other boys parents not let you know last night, how can you let a 15 year old stay overnight without letting their parents know.

If the other boys parents were in bed, unaware your son had arrived at their house, don’t they care where their son is all night.

I’m shocked at this behaviour, my 15 year old has never had a drink, if he went to a party he would be taken and picked up. 15 year olds don’t roam around the streets anymore, times have changed from when we were young, or at least they have here. Shocked to here children this age going out and staying out until midnight. What area do you live in? Are you not worried about all the violence and stabbing amongst youths.

Op what a relief! I would've done exactly the same as you, calling the police for a 15yo is not ott imo.

I read once that it can be useful with teenagers to ask them to come up with their own suggestions of punishments. They will often come up with something harsher than a parent would suggest and are more likely to stick to it. And if they suggest something silly, you tell them why it's insufficient and then impose your own. But you give them the chance to take some responsibility by suggesting their own punishment first.

So pleased he's ok. I would have done exactly the same as you.

I did exactly the same OP. I was 15, my parents told the police to pick me up, which they did. I don't blame them.

They then as punishment made me to go ikea with them the next morning, puking and hungover. Harsh punishment. 😄

SarahNade, I would be very interested to know if you have teenagers this age

IMO, yes this kind of thing happens, no it is not great, but 15 is the hardest age. I have scooped up boys from our lawn after a little “gathering” (age 15-16) who somehow managed to get drunk despite my supervision/only providing shandy.

It happens

Glad he is safe

I’d be so upset that he was scared to come home and instead went back to a friend’s (who presumably wasn’t scared).

I will beg mine that no matter what mess they get themselves in to, to never hesitate to call on me / come home. And I will swear that no discussion at all until the next day

OP I’m with you 100%. I would have completely beside myself. The fact the police brought him home is vindication of your actions.

Ignore the idiots.

@scubadive I asked where his friends mum was and he said he friend was home alone with his 19 year old brother. He said they got the last bus home and got in around 12.45am and fell straight to sleep. He didn't charge his phone till this morning when he woke and texted me straight away.

I don't usually allow him to parties unless I know who's it is and where it is then I will be him up. I told him he wasn't allowed to this party, he told me he was meeting some girls with his friends and prob go for food. That was a lie. He told me this morning he plan on going to the party but they bumped in to more friends whilst out so they all ended up going together.

Yes I worry myself to death with all the violence and stabbing that go off these days that's why I like to know at all times where he is, he's usually quite good at telling me where he is and they usually just hang around the food court in local shopping centre and near enough always back for 10--10.30 who's he said is harsh cos all his mates are allowed out till apparently 12 midnight!!!

We live in Sheffield, our area isn't to bad for crime but some of the areas these so called parties are at is, that's why I'm strict with him going

@Lovemenorca I told him he doesn't need to be scared to come home. I would rather him ring me to come and get him than for him to stay out. He said he thought I would go mad . Yes I would've but at least I'd have known he was home and safe. He understands that done

Don't know about your kids but drinking at 15 is not normal to me .

Mine have never even had any, apart from some bucks fizz at Christmas . So many liberal ones here, no wonder so many young are little self centered gits.

You’ve handled it well. He has made a mistake and he needs to learn from it. You haven’t overreacted so he will hopefully communicate better the next time.

DS1 is 16 and most of his friends drink occasionally. They are also keen sports people and doing well in school so I don’t think they are sliding into a drunken abyss at this stage.

* He said he thought I would go mad . Yes I would've but at least I'd have known he was home and safe.*

Yes, you would have been reassured. He would have for a blasting.
If you really want him to call you when the sh*t hits the fan, he needs to know that he is not going to get a bollocking if he does call.

WhenRabbits

What a nasty comment about young people. DS1 and his friends are kind and pleasant.

Rabbits - here, have a chocolate medal for services to society. It has ‘I blame the parents’ inscribed on it. Please wear it with pride. We could all learn how to parent better from you. Thank you.

Oh @pictish I am with you. Nothing like the Monday (or Saturday!) morning quarter backing of a MN missing teenager thread

Teenagers are terrifying as the stakes are so much higher. My top tip (FWIW, and from bitter experience!) is that no one leaves the house without a fully charged portable power bank for their phone. The "my phones on 2%" thing gives me the rage.

(I also think the rise of mobiles, as well as being positive, can make us all more worried as we are so used to real time updates and knowing where they are and if plans change, immediately). So when they're out of contact, it's even more worrying.

Glad he's home safely.

In my world, teens drinking too much, staying out all night, not staying in touch etc seems to be "normal" for around half of DS's school friends, and absolutely unacceptable/wouldn't cross the minds of the other half.

And it mainly seems to be who their friends are, and which group they hang around with. My friend and I have boys in Year 11 at the same school. They got in with different group of friends early on, and what is "normal" to them is now wildly different.

Oh wind your pompous necks in will you ?

Its MY opinion on a forum . We all have one .

Attack dogs.!

I see others have picked up SarahNade's comments so I won't do so again.

But just to add for general info, it's not a class thing either. DS & his mates are all from "naice" families and at good schools. They all start experimenting with alcohol around 15, and most come out of it just fine.

Most parents I know allow them to drink under supervision at home.

I think you under reacted

You felt the baby sleeping was more important than going to the location you could see he had been at and didn’t ring the hospitals etc yourself
Not being horrible as you are clearly a lovely caring mum but I mean I think we have normalised 15 year olds bunking out to parties with Unknowns and it coming home all night

That isn’t normal and not is the heavy drinking at 15

Am sure I’ll be told it’s all part and parcel of being 15 but it really isn’t ok

I'm so pleased he is home. I have a 15 year old and their logic baffles me. Why would he think it's better not to come home and leave you worrying than get told off?

Mine have never even had any, apart from some bucks fizz at Christmas . So many liberal ones here, no wonder so many young are little self centered gits.

Great, your teens don't drink. Let's hope they don't have your superior attitude though. What a horrible way to go through life.

The thing I have found, is that teenagers can be a bit like toddlers in surprising unexpected behaviour. Like "oh she can't even lift her neck up yet, but she rolled off the changing mat" and "he couldn't crawl but I turned my back for a second and he had got to the bottom of the stairs".

People can sometimes think "oh my DS would never act like that" and then the next Friday morning it's 2am and you haven't heard from them...

And it's a feeling akin to the feeling when your four year old disappears from sight in Sainsbury's in the split second when you lean over to put the broccoli in the trolley.

My motto has always been to only trust a toddler or a teenager to a certain extent but it's still possible to do this while expecting good behaviour.

Show me a parent who hasn't had at least one terrifying moment with a toddler or a teenager, and I'll show you a liar

(And being smug is a sure fire way for it to backfire, btw...)