DS15 not come home and it's 3.17am

[worriedmum80]

Not sure why I'm posting here just need some positive hope and words.

DS15 went out with mates at 5pm told me he'd be back at 10pm.
I texted him at 9.40 asking him not to be late as I was going to bed with DD8mnths. He replied I'll be 40 mins my phone battery is on 2%.
That's the last I've heard from him!!

I'm been trying his phone and it's obviously off now, I e ring the police and reported him missing now I'm just sat here shaking, worried thinking the worst. What more can I do, I feel hopeless! Can't go driving looking around for him, the baby's in bed asleep.

He's not the best behaved teenager, admitted he goes to party with his mates, they sometimes have a few drinks just the usual "teenage" stuff.
Now I'm worried he's got drunk passed out somewhere or been in a fight and in a bad way somewhere. Why would he say he'd be 40 mins. The latest he's ever been is maybe 11-11.30

Just jumping on the thread to say I'm glad he's safe OP and it sounds as if you handled it the way you should. The criticism on this thread is completely unjustified and unnecessary imo.

Rabbits No one thinks teens drinking is good. No one wants teens getting drunk,

Many people if all classes have tried your (liberal) approach: a small amount within the home: others try a total ban.

I never gave mine alcohol at Christmas til they were 16 or 17, a bit of fizz. They now tell me that they used to drink cider and try rum at friends houses from 14.

Other kids I know hate the idea of alcohol, don’t like the taste and don’t touch it.

Anyway god knows where you got the idea that teens drinking is a mc phenomenon. 🤣

Well my 15yo ds hasn't ever had alcohol.

But I can assure you I ain't smug! He's been offered it and the tastes on edge of his grandads beer bottle was enough for him to decline! My brother always affects him a shandy when we have meals together. Ds still declines. He also says he's never drinking.

I'm intelligent enough to know that there's a distinct possibility in the next 70 odd years he'll have too many one night

In fact I'll bet it'll be sometime in the next 2-3 years

Bahahaha my parents used to say that about me.

I still hate bees and red wine.

Didn’t stop me wearing myself onto neat vodka at 14...

I’m a respectable pillar of the community now and I appeared like one then too. Especially to my parents.

Shit I apparently can’t type though- and I haven’t even had a drink yet today 😉

So glad he is home safe you must have been out of your mind
One thing that worked with me & my Mum was a rule that no matter how late in the evening it was if i wasnt coming home then i was to send a text letting her know i wouldnt be home so that she could read it in the morning & not worry. I was a few years older than your son tbf but it did really work- it meant i didnt have to avoid phoning her cause i was drunk garyed out my eyeballs and her worrying.
Better a text and then it can all be sorted next day than being blanked completely.

Glad he's home...

I was naughty at that age - snogging older men, smoking... didn't drink much, but I nearly got myself into a very dangerous situation when a man tried to get me into his car after a night at the pub. I didn't get in, because my dad was picking me up, but it was only years later that I realised how dangerous the situation could have been.

Give him a huge cuddle! These things happen. Most importantly he’s okay xxx

Oh Fishflame, so did I! Had a few near misses. I used to hitch hike too, all over the country, when I was 15.

It's frightening on looking back and seeing the risks through adult eyes.

I still don't have a clue what Rabbits was talking about, poo pah boo or something MC. Hee hee maybe she'd had a bit to drink before typing.

@Lovemenorca I have made mention of my husband before, and my 2 children.

Sorry, but according to the consensus, I have it right on in this thread.

As for drinking, I think it is better to try to teach him to look after himself.

Unfortunately underage drinkers are more at risk of alcoholism for a start, because of the way their immature bodies process alcohol. People are also more likely to have unprotected sex when drunk, with all the risks involved from an unwanted pregnancy to HIV.

Talk to him honestly about drugs and alcohol and then trust him to make intelligent decisions. And if he opts to drink, don't tell him off.

At this stage, he needs you as a confidante to help him maneuvre his way into adulthood.

@AppleKatie

Your second post made me laugh!

I could have typed your first one - bees and all on several occasions in days of yore.

I barely pass for a pillar of the community despite being 98% teetotal (bar the odd toast or Pimms in summer) for nigh on 20 years.

Perhaps I ought to crack open the gin ...

@Scautish Sat 23-Nov-19 13:08:51

*Nice bit of ableism there. Why is Asperger’s relevant? I also have Asperger’s, but happen to disagree with SarahN’s stance (and you will see I have added supportive comment above.

my opinion not valid? Should we ask MN to add a ticket that identifies those of us on the autistic spectrum so our posts can be discounted.

Please be more considerate / though with the amount ignorance and misunderstanding of autism, particularly autism without learning difficulties, on this forum, sadly your ableist comment is not atypical.*

Thank you, I've reported that poster for doxxing and for disablist comments and I suggest others do so too. I've mentioned my husband before, and my children. That my stance that it is not normal for a 15 year old child to be regularly drinking would cause some nasty person to search (not that I care about that, I have nothing to hide) and bring up information says a lot about them, nothing about me. Believing - due to experience with children and teens - that it is abnormal for a fifteen year old child to be regularly drinking is hardly a remarkable view, in fact, I dare say it would be in the majority. It certainly doesn't deserve ignorant and disablist comments. And even if I didn't have children, which I do, does that mean my work in my community, my experience running teen groups, counselling etc doesn't count for something? Are only neurotypical parents allowed to comment here? That poster's behaviour is low but says everything about them, and nothing about me.

Blue - oh goodness, you went hitchhiking? I wonder if folk do that these days?

My aunt's flatmate got murdered whilst hitchhiking, back in the 60s..,

My best friend from school hitchhiked her way across France in the late 1980s... she lived to tell the tale, but she had some terrifying experiences!

Glad he's ok OP. Bloody dread the teenage years

Most teens do this to you at some point, hopefully just the once and they realise it's not about control it's about caring. We had a system where they had to text us whenever they were at a private house with the address, as they got older they have to text if they aren't coming home (both have serious boyfriends) and equally text me if they have brought visitors back (so I'm decent going to the bathroom!) we have had drunken incidents, we've had their friends staying at mine to scared to go home
but I make them text their parents. An excellent Christmas gift is an emergency phone charge, they are super compact now

I would have felt frantic and done the same OP. Glad he's home and safe.

@SchadenfreudePersonified made me laugh with this though "one night as I peeped round the door my DS said "Mother - I am 14 years old. The probability of cot-death is rather unlikely. Can you stop sticking your head round my door!"

Yes fishflame, I came from London and hitchhiked to Cornwall where I stayed two weeks before being picked up by police for having no fixed abode at 15; also went to Scotland, Bath and back. Anywhere I wanted to go I hitched. It terrifies me to think of it now, so dangerous.

When the horrendous crimes of Rose and Fred West came to light I was traumatised just imagining what those girls went through, the Wests looked out for possible runaways - as well as abusing their own family.

Not all teens cause worry- no need to fear these years.
The toddler years are the worst!

Yesterday, when I was shopping in Lidl, there was a young teen begging outside Lidl. I'd estimate her age at 14/15. She was clean and well dressed, and was sitting on a little handbag. She's been on my mind ever since. I figured she's either trafficked or a runaway (given how clean and well dressed she was). She didn't appear to speak English.
She was there when I went into Lidl, so when I came out, and she was still there, I asked her was she ok. She didn't speak - just held out her hand (she also had a coffee cup in front of her). So I gave her a pound and some loose change that I had. She didn't say thanks, but immediately started counting the money. That's why I figure she doesn't speak English.
I'm sorry I didn't do more, but since she seemed uncommunicative, and it was right at the very busy door of Lidl, I didn't really want to persist.
I just wonder today still, what is her story. I wish I had tried to ask her. Where I live is certainly not an area for a female homeless teen to be begging or even out alone. It was the middle of the day about 2pm, but when it got dark, I wonder had she somewhere to go. If she was homeless, she was recently homeless as her clothes were clean and her hair tied back neatly etc.

I hope maybe someone reported her to police now that I think of it, so that they could take her somewhere safe. I should have done it at the time, but it has only crossed my mind this morning while thinking about it.

So basically, while it's not ideal that your teen is drinking to excess, at least he had a safe place to stay for the night.

I might have missed it OP, but did the police collect him? Have you had a chat with him yet?

OP, you are fantastic but please make sure you don’t go easy on him, so selfish. Needs to be grounded for the rest of the year.

Glad he’s safe

Rabbits, my parents were liberal.

The wildest children at my school and Uni where those with strict parents. They went wild, booze, sex, drugs.

Be careful judging everyone from your glass house.

Op...you amazing mum who did the right thing. Your ds is a teenager who needs more guidance than a toddler. Sadly he needs to learn from experience..bad and good