DS15 not come home and it's 3.17am

[worriedmum80]

Not sure why I'm posting here just need some positive hope and words.

DS15 went out with mates at 5pm told me he'd be back at 10pm.
I texted him at 9.40 asking him not to be late as I was going to bed with DD8mnths. He replied I'll be 40 mins my phone battery is on 2%.
That's the last I've heard from him!!

I'm been trying his phone and it's obviously off now, I e ring the police and reported him missing now I'm just sat here shaking, worried thinking the worst. What more can I do, I feel hopeless! Can't go driving looking around for him, the baby's in bed asleep.

He's not the best behaved teenager, admitted he goes to party with his mates, they sometimes have a few drinks just the usual "teenage" stuff.
Now I'm worried he's got drunk passed out somewhere or been in a fight and in a bad way somewhere. Why would he say he'd be 40 mins. The latest he's ever been is maybe 11-11.30

Wow, how dramatic. SO many of us had at least one night as a teen where our phone died whilst we were out/we fell asleep at a friends house and didn't come home till the next day. Can't believe you actually reported him as a missing person!

So she should, he is fifteen.

OP so glad he's ok. Although the temptation is to yell and scream and give him a bollocking, try and resist ,it'll really unnerve him if you're icy calm

Make a list of what you want to say to him when he's less hungover and really try not to yell because if he's anything like my boy he'll shut down if you do and won't listen to you.

Good luck!

So pleased he’s home x

My DD1 is on a child in need plan with social services partly due to disappearing overnight and not letting me know where she was. She is 17 now and I have been told if she doesn't come home or I don't know exactly where she is (they even told me I need to speak to her friends parents to confirm she is there) I'm to report her as missing. They have told me that she is my responsibility until she is 18!

As for drinking at 15 my exH started then and he was dead by the time he was 40! His alcohol addiction definitely played a part in that. Obviously not everyone who drinks at 15 will be an alcoholic but it's not worth the risk.

Pre-mobile phones, I always let my parents know a version of where I was going to be and what I was doing. Often utter bollocks, of course.

It must have been such a worry for you, OP. Teenagers are occasionally selfish twats (I'm looking at you, 15 year-old self) who are only interested in their social lives whilst pushing the boundaries and your buttons.

Glad he's safe.

Glad to hear he is OK.

Please understand this is perfectly normal behaviour in a 15-year-old - I have seen it in many of DS's friends.

Just need to make sure he doesn't make a habit of it. And I would talk to him about drugs too when you get the chance, because if he is experimenting with alcohol then he is very likely to be exposed to drugs too. Weed, ket & MDMA are all rife.

Thanks again of your words.
I gave him a big had a cry and let him know how worried and upset I was about him not coming home. Told him to go to his room, have a think about his behaviour and we will have a chat later.

As for the drinking he has admitted he's had a few drinks before at the weekend with friends just cos everyone else has done it. He said last night was the drunkest he'd been and he didn't like it and that he's "never" drinking again.

As for me going ott by ringing the police then I'm sorry I'm not as laid back as you are and when my son is telling me he'd be back in 40 mins then his phone dies and it gets to 1.05am and still nothing then yes I'm sorry I will ring the police. He's a 15 year old CHILD!! Not an adult his last location was in an unknown area to him so I will ring them thanks!

Thanks again for the kind words

This is most definitely not 'normal behaviour' for a 15 year old child, let alone 'perfectly normal', @NewName73 . I've worked in schools and been involved in teen groups for years, and have not seen this at all, believe me, this is so far not normal, it is off the charts.

If my 15 year old told me they would be home in 40 minutes and still wasn't home HOURS later I would be fucking frantic.

I would be too. I used to be the same with my ex when he told me "before midnight" and he'd come in 5 hours later steaming drunk. Some people are worriers too and that's not their fault. 15 years old, 3 years off an adult (and 18 is barely an adult). Seriously some people would think "ah, whatever" and go to bed ?!!!

I always let my mum know I was alive and well, even if I was lying my teeth out about where I was and what I was doing. In those days I had to find a landline or pay phone to do so and once the call was made that was it, no further contact. She’s reassured and I’m a good daughter. Sorted. Back to the party.

The introduction of mobile phones means that contact is much more available and prolific, so wayward teens are conversely more avoidant about maintaining it. In short, I think mobile phones sometimes result in less contact than one might have got from the obligatory visit to the phone box. Just a theory.

This.... 100% as said by @ScabbyBabby...
Thank god for that! I hope he learns a lesson.
I honestly wouldn’t be shouting but I would be letting him now how frightened you have been and how much you love him.
Hopefully the police will talk some sense into him- he made himself very vulnerable last night. I’m glad his friends took care of him. At least that’s one positive.

OP reassure yourself with P Ps like Scabby as above and I'm there who supported you and said same, you did the right thing

Please pay no need to the minority posters up thread who are clutching their pearls and virtue signalling how wonderful their 15 year olds are who would never let alcohol touch their dainty lips or stay out past 21:00 curfew and always do constant text updates to darling Mummydear . It isn't the time to pile in to a clearly caring parent who has a teen son pushing boundaries and rebelling ... It doesn't make him a bad 'un or hopeless case who suppressed into alcoholism ... it's not abnormal for some teens to rebel. Very lucky if yours doesn't, but doesn't make you or them a bad parent or a bad child if they do.

OP, everyone has an opinion! He's home safely, and that's the main thing.

Some of the wildest teenagers turn into the most responsible adults and vice versa. Mine all knew it was non negotiable to tell me where they were even if I didn't approve so I could sort out any issue. I was also lucky that nos 2 and 3 are close in age so I could find out where they were quite easily through a network. My mum was very controlling so I lied to her from a very early age, probably putting myself in lots of risky situations. The lying continued right through university!!

So many of us have been there and now have articulate, caring, successful adult children. Yes keep an eye out, but don't lock him up!

"He said last night was the drunkest he'd been and he didn't like it and that he's "never" drinking again."

Hopefully he sticks to it, OP. But how many times have we adults said 'I never want to even look at wine (or whatever) ever again' after a big night out? I just hope it really scared him into not doing it again.

Autocorrect I meant... and "those who" (supported you) not "I'm there"

SarahNade I've had 2 15-year old DS's and both have got drunk like this once or twice, as have most of their friends.

A bit different as we are rural so they wouldn't be able to go off somewhere else without an adult's involvement to get them there, but the drinking a lot is standard experimental behaviour.

They are all basically good kids who have turned out well.

Maybe in a school you wouldn't be aware of this behaviour as it tends to happen at weekends.

Just to be clear, the drinking is normal. The not knowing where they are is not. I have always known where my kids are and they are always good at letting me know.

Glad he’s home OP. Seems like a proportionate reaction from you so far. Use the time he’s in his room to plan your next steps.

@NewName73 Once or twice, but the OP, if you read it, says it is a regular occurrence. This is regular drinking a few+ drinks. As I said, schools and teen (youth) groups, being a small town everyone knows everything eventually. The staying out late is normal for teens, the drinking, most certainly is not! Definitely not for a fifteen year old! That is simply not normal, and I'm sorry you are in an area where it apparently is.

It’s fairly common for 15 year olds here. Not all but plenty enough. This is a mixed demographic sort of town and the nonsense appears to go across them in equal measure.

It might well be undesirable but it is within the remit of ‘normal’.

I’m so relieved and happy for you. Make sure he understands his impact on everyone around him - teenagers really are self-centred aren’t they? But he can be taught to think of others too. Good luck

I am so relieved for you.

To be fair, smartphones are ridiculously unreliable. I'm no teenager, but the batteries really don't last that long, especially if you were using social media or gaming. Or having no pockets, putting the phone in the bag and not hearing it. or simply forgetting to take the bloody thing

Glad he’s home.

Makes me relieved that mine are older. Thankfully they were heavily involved in sports and at a school which was strict on homework so left them little free time. Now they are at Uni, I haven’t a clue what they get up to - don’t want to think about it!

As for me going ott by ringing the police then I'm sorry I'm not as laid back as you are and when my son is telling me he'd be back in 40 mins then his phone dies and it gets to 1.05am and still nothing then yes I'm sorry I will ring the police. He's a 15 year old CHILD!! Not an adult his last location was in an unknown area to him so I will ring them thanks!

Phoning the police was absolutely the right thing to do.

Mine drank, so did his friends but they did come home (eventually). Husband was often called to come and pick up. They outgrow it. However I don't blame you for 'phoning the police, of course you were worried and if anything untoward had happened, you'd have felt dreadful for not 'phoning.

All's well that ends well, thank goodness.

When I was fifteen I had a curfew and if I knew I wasn't going to make it - missed bus or whatever - I'd be scared to come home and might stay out. I got into no end of trouble with my parents and the police whom they would call at the drop of a hat!

You were sensible though and didn't call the cops at midnight, nor are you going off the deep end now. If he has a hangover, that will teach him.

“That is simply not normal, and I'm sorry you are in an area where it apparently is.”

Sarah I just wanted to congratulate you on your excellent house purchasing skills and say that I hope your property value continues to increase. You’re obviously a clever person to be able to afford a house that isn’t in a rough area and where you are offered immunity from the foibles of the proles. We should all aspire to be like you. Thank you.