DS15 not come home and it's 3.17am

[worriedmum80]

Not sure why I'm posting here just need some positive hope and words.

DS15 went out with mates at 5pm told me he'd be back at 10pm.
I texted him at 9.40 asking him not to be late as I was going to bed with DD8mnths. He replied I'll be 40 mins my phone battery is on 2%.
That's the last I've heard from him!!

I'm been trying his phone and it's obviously off now, I e ring the police and reported him missing now I'm just sat here shaking, worried thinking the worst. What more can I do, I feel hopeless! Can't go driving looking around for him, the baby's in bed asleep.

He's not the best behaved teenager, admitted he goes to party with his mates, they sometimes have a few drinks just the usual "teenage" stuff.
Now I'm worried he's got drunk passed out somewhere or been in a fight and in a bad way somewhere. Why would he say he'd be 40 mins. The latest he's ever been is maybe 11-11.30

So glad he’s ok and I hope you can get a nap today.
My ds was out partying and drinking at 15. I dreaded not knowing where he was so I Made a conscious effort not to disapprove of what he did as long as I knew where he was at all times. Midnight curfew, text the party address, Uber home were the only rules.
I ended up with half a dozen teenagers sleeping over every weekend and their parents had no idea where they were!

@isitxmasyet I waited till gone 12 before I started to get really worried. By checking his last location I could tell he was at the party due to being in the same place for the past 2 hours. With him telling me his friends are allowed out till 12 I thought maybe he's waiting for them to come home with me. Once it got to around 1am that's when I decided to ring the police. They advised me to stay at home in case he came back (he didn't have a key) and the house wasn't empty and him be locked out. They also advised the first thing they do is ring around hospitals and other police stations.
I thought I was doing the right thing with their advise

You did do the right thing. Don't doubt it.

@NCTDN thank you

Pre-mobile phones, I always let my parents know a version of where I was going to be and what I was doing. Often utter bollocks, of course.
I am only now finding out about the times my daughter (now 40) did this when she was 16/17. You might think you know what your teenagers are doing but you could be surprised, at least the messages told me she was still alive.

Early hours of the morning, though, and no message - definitely call the Police.

Of course you did! If this thread is making you anxious just walk away from it, you know your family and your son best.

@lovemenorca

Quick squizz at SarahN’s history reveals that she has aspergers and in hundreds of posts makes no mention of a partner or any children.*

Nice bit of ableism there. Why is Asperger’s relevant? I also have Asperger’s, but happen to disagree with SarahN’s stance (and you will see I have added supportive comment above.

my opinion not valid? Should we ask MN to add a ticket that identifies those of us on the autistic spectrum so our posts can be discounted.

Please be more considerate / though with the amount ignorance and misunderstanding of autism, particularly autism without learning difficulties, on this forum, sadly your ableist comment is not atypical.

I’m glad he’s home safe - you can kill him
later!

Did the police say much to him?

You did all the right things.

It’s a fine line with teenagers and they’re all different.

Fortunately due to location/area/distance from friends & fuck all public transport, just ‘going out’ without a specific plan & parent transport is currently pretty much impossible, for which I’m glad! I don’t complain about being a chauffeur, but I encourage them to come for sleepovers here as it’s less hassle.

However, I have other friends & family in different places around the country where the ‘teen scene’ is very different and it would give me nightmares.

I think although a lot of it is ‘parenting’ there’s undeniably an element of luck re area & friends.

(Incidentally, DC all know my mobile number so ‘phone ran out of charge’ is never an excuse!! Much easier then demanding phones are fully charged or that they take power packs.)

@worriedmum80 so glad to hear your son is home safe and you did do right thing contacting police.
One night my dd15 went out her phone died I didn't know if she was staying out or if I was to collect her so I went to a house she told me she was staying at sometimes only the parents had never heard off her. They rang their son who was at his friends as she had told me for months he was her bf thankfully the boy found her she was with as different boy completely so think she was so embarrassed by the whole thing and gets a lot off stick at school because off course the boy loved it, and told people so she never stayed out since but still tells the odd lie.

This type of thing was totally normal when I was 15 and on going to uni it seemed all my friends, course mates etc from up and down the country had done the same kinds of things at 15. It was a decent red brick uni and people came from all over the country to go there. I’m not buying the ‘this isn’t normal crew’- it completely is. I’m not saying it’s ideal behaviour by the way, but it’s completely standard for his age and you dealt with it in the right way.

I would 100% have reported my 15yr old son missing too. It's better to do that than wait too long. X

Ok sorry that wasn’t clear from your OP as you mentioned the baby being asleep so you couldn’t go out and also I thought I was later you called the police

Apologies. You did the right thing following their advice
His dad sounds a bit useless tho

You did the right thing calling police and also not screaming at him.

I would be explaining now he needs to build your trust. He needs to realise you've been up all night and do some chores so you can rest. I always tell my 15yo ds that words are cheap. His actions are what I'll make my judgement on.

I think school would have something to say about safe guarding if a kid didn't turn up and a parent shrugged and said it was just one of those things that all kids do!

Phew, so glad he's turned up. You say his dad didn't care that he was missing so don't send him to live there, please.

"Mine have never even had any, apart from some bucks fizz at Christmas . So many liberal ones here, no wonder so many young are little self centered gits."

And where did you develop your nasty attitude. Rabbits?

FGS, NO ONE thinks it is OK for 15 year olds to be getting drunk. The fact is it happens, it happens in the nicest of families, whether they are very strict or very liberal. It happens amongst private school pupils and state. It happens in families where parents are smugly sure that their teens have never had any.

Actually mine never got debilitatingly drunk and 15, but many of their (lovely, high achieving, volunteer in the community type) friends did. Drink is out there. Parents do their best at parties, search for spirits etc, but it is on the up. You cannot permanently ground teens, as they approach 16 and then 17 and 18. The best you can do, IMO, is to teach them safety and sensibleness.

The OP is obviously a conscientious caring 'on it' parent. How fucking nasty to get stupid digs in.

SarahNade I agree with you but I live in the U.S. and the drinking age is 21 I believe.

All the people smugly saying "My teen DC have never drank alcohol"

I bet a lot of them probably have. You wouldn't have a clue because I doubt they'd tell you with that kind of attitude.

I had my first drink at 12! An alcopop at my friend's 13th birthday sleepover. My mum had no idea. Why would I tell her?

I drank and got drunk on a few occasions after that in my teen years. Always when I was sleeping over at a friend's house, my mum never knew. We used to go and sit in fields after dark.

I turned out fine, I'm not an alcoholic as an adult, I don't drink in the week at all.

Peer pressure can be a big thing for a lot of teens, I was quite an insecure kid and wanted to fit in with what everyone else was doing. Nothing to do with my mum's parenting, she was a great mum. It doesn't mean there is a big problem. It's just a phase for some teens.

Blah Blah Blah

Bet all you so liberal with your kids and their drinking are middle class. You all look down your noses at those below you (in your minds) but its not US who poo pah pissed 15 year olds as "they all do it" . Perhaps in your MC world .

@WhentheRabbitsWentWild I'm working class thanks, as are all my family. The only one who sounds like they are looking down their noses at people is you. Chip on your shoulder much?

BTW my DS is 6 so certainly not drinking yet, I hope!

@TheCatInAHat
I don’t think the is normal anymore at all. Times have changed imo and on this point for the better. When I was at school we could leave the school premises in secondary for example. Perhaps not at 12/13 but deffo by 14. In my ‘O’ level year, I came back to school a bit merry having bought myself a can of extra strong bitter to drink on the way back and even brought it onto school premises. I was 15 (and not a happy bunny hence the behaviour). These days only the post 16’s are allowed to leave the premises and wouldn’t be able to buy alcohol even if they did. This is reflected in wider society too.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild Sat 23-Nov-19 15:36:29
Blah Blah Blah

Bet all you so liberal with your kids and their drinking are middle class. You all look down your noses at those below you (in your minds) but its not US who poo pah pissed 15 year olds as "they all do it" . Perhaps in your MC world .
...........
I don't get any of that, what do you mean?

A lot of young teenagers drink, someone above said they used to sit in a field. My son and friends used to buy a flagon of cider and sit on Blackheath at night, behind the church. They didn't always get drunk but they drank at 15.

I got very drunk at my cousin's 21st birthday party and I was 13. Never really lived it down, it was mentioned for years and years how I disgraced myself.

My husband never drank much or often, just not the type. He quite liked pubs and would have a pint occasionally. He was a big tall chap and could pass for 18 at 15.

I'm sure none of us ever looked down our noses at anyone, why on earth would we?

If you asked my parents they would say I never drank until I got to about 17. (Yeah, right.) The only difference is that I never told them, and unlike DSis, never came home unable to stand. I was the ‘good’ child and slightly smarter about it, so got away with all sorts.

OP, it sounds like you did exactly the right thing.

mummy I’m maybe not quite as old as you (GCSEs had been around many years by the time I did mine and I see you did O levels). I agree that maybe things have changed a little but I still know plenty of teens doing the underage drinking thing (from line managing teenage weekend, work experience and holiday staff in various roles from all kinds of backgrounds).