Is parenting a teen adversely affecting your mh?

[Pegsinarow]

I'm going through what feels like hell with one of my teen's atm.

Today she has told me that I'm a failure, that she hates me, that she wishes I was dead. The expression on her face was really hateful when she said it.

Normally I can shrug this off as "usual" teen angst. I was even advising my friend the other month about not taking this sort of stuff too personally.

But I am really struggling too now. Partly I suppose because my confidence isn't great anyway owing to the menopause.

Sorry if this sounds too "woe is me" but I just feel really crap atm.

Anyone else?

Hi blacktuesday1
Just wondered, does your dd have any interests? Sports, collecting specific toys, singing etc. If so, perhaps it could be useful to try searching for small groups, she could attend. Just to give her a base of like-minded, and to get her out and about a little.

I don't know you health system, but be aware that if you feel she is on the brink of some diagnosis, then if you at some point need help, it is easier as long as they are under 18.

Sorry posted too soon.

Just wishing you good luck.

**

BlackTuesday1 welcome to the thread. Sorry to hear your daughter does not want to go to prom or graduation. Why don't you go for a nice family meal and make the day special for her with her own family and a wee party in your house to celebrate her finishing school. Take her out with you and have a girls day getting hair done and work up to buying the outfit just let her be comfortable and get through her exams with no pressure off prom or graduation.

Morning all!

Great ideas there fromMcMen71 and Ticklingcheese!

Just wondered how everyone is doing as very quiet here atm! I'm assuming no news is good news?

@pegsinarow yes all quite with me, Its my mums first anniversary today so feeling a bit emotional.

Hope everyone is doing well and exams kids are not too stressed.

3 more weeks then all exams and assignments are over and done for the year and for good for DD1 starts graduate job in June.

This has been the least stressful exam session yet. I'm still on tenterhooks waiting for the storm.

Very sorry about your mum McMen71

That's sounding very positive Billy! Very best of luck to them all! (And to you! )

DD has finally got detailed exam timetable. She has 10 exams during first three weeks of June. Dreading it. But to be fair, so far, so good!

Hello everyone, been reading this for a while but decided to post. My 16 year old daughter had the meltdown of meltdowns last night. Exam stress (GCSE), raging hormones, general fury at us and the world and it wasn't pretty. All probably within 'normal' behaviour but I feel wiped out this morning and in shock. She hates us, we are despicable people etc etc.

She is incredibly stressed about the exams and working hard. Lots of academic pressure from a high achieving school so try not to add to that at home.

Welcome to the thread vjg13! You have my sympathies because we are facing very similar issues here (quiet at moment but on tenterhooks waiting for next blow out). Its not remotely pleasant to be in the path of a storm but I am going to repeat what was said to me on here, and which helped a lot... she doesn't hate you x

Missed my train to ensure DD got to her exam on time ..... didn’t expect any thanks to be honest but my attempt at convo in the car wasn’t appreciated:

Me: oh I heard Amanda Holden is joining Jamie on heart breakfast soon ...

DD: yawwwn yeah you said, eye roll, another yawn and changes station to Kiss

Me: Hope exam goes well today honey, did you do much revision last night ..

DD: not really, I told you I don’t give a f**k about these exams I just want to leave ..

Me: you’re on the home stretch just a few more weeks .... do your best and it’s over, no more school

DD: how many times have you said that ... you repeat yourself continually yawn ... eye roll.

She then looks at me for the first time all morning (distastefully) and says “are you in London today?” Yes I reply, I told you I’m running late ... “ oh I thought you were working from home dressed like that” 😳😡

I just about refrained from screeching to a halt and throwing her out the car .... can you imagine putting up with anyone else talking like that when you’ve gone out your way to help them .... a colleague for example!

I’m now on the train with a very strong coffee and MN .... breathe

Make sure you enjoy that coffee BigSandyBalls you deserve it! It is a strain being the one who is trying to keep the positivity levels up when your teen is intent on draining all hope from your day (and insulting your dress sense!). The irony is, if she is anything like my DD, she will probably skip off and feel better for that exchange and won't give it another thought! (Unlike us who are left to brood on it!) Hope your day in London goes well and you can sneak yourself a small treat in there too!

Wishing you all a good day 😀.

AND we look better, dress better, are nice concerned parents and we ARE gorgeous people, no matter what our teens may think.

Repeat, please

Does anybody else have a teenager in a relationship?
Dd thinks she is in love infatuation with her BF and wants to spend all her time with him.

It's so stressful, she behaves perfectly to get extra time with him but it's never enough time.

I have spoken to both of them but it's not helping.

Yes my 15 dd exactly the same if curfew is 11 at weekend she will text with some excuse to stay longer
I sent you a pm of a typical week
Whattodofgs

hello all - what a godsend it has been finding this thread. I feel like shrieking Hallelujah! Seriously!

I've just posted about my DDs cutting themselves - not sure if anyone else on here has experience with that? - I honestly feel I am going crazy. The teenage years mixed with peri-menopause is a lethal combo for sure.

I haven't read the whole thread but what I have read sounds so so familiar. It's a huge relief to know am not alone in doubting my own sanity and having to put up with apparantly rabid strangers who I love to death but regularly want to throttle in my own home...

Hi @calendula, how is she doing, some of my DD's friends did cut themselves, I think its far more common than people realise.

Stay strong, its so hard.

calendula glad you found the page
Some nights when i can't sleep I start reading through pages of this thread and it really helps to know that its not your fault what your teens do

BigSandyBalls your post made me laugh! Sometimes you have to see the funny side or you would go mad
My DS has managed to go to school every day this week (so far) but has been told his study leave has been revoked. I think he's suddenly realised his GCSEs start on Monday
We had a family weekend away which he was VERY grumpy about, but we actually managed to have a conversation in the car on the way home and I only mentioned revision twice .....while listening to his grime music on the car stereo
Thank you to Pegs, Howtotellhim, Tararra, LightandAiry and others who posted last week and are going through similar. Also Squeegle and Pasanda: stay strong...
Nice to know we are not on our own. Good luck to all who are going through exams and trying not to scream about the lack of work being done at the same time as being supportive despite being snarled at!

So sorry about your Mum McMen71 This PoT thing is hard enough but when you add an anniversary into the mix it gets harder. The first one is the worst. I feel your pain, I have an anniversary myself tomorrow and always feel it bubbling up. Stay strong.

BigSandyBalls I sometimes don't know how I manage to work and be a PoT. Your post did make me laugh, as they are so egocentric that they really have no consideration of the time and energy that we put into their lives every single bloody day.

CalendulaAndRoses I think that self harm is becoming more prevalent. I remember doing it myself as a teen, and feeling a sense of relief from it. I think it's an expression of what they are feeling. Can you get her to talk about it at all?

We've had an up and down week, as is normal. Still waiting for a psych appointment to review the meds, but took the decision to reduce them back down a little myself as ds was struggling and so far it seems to be ok. We actually had a nice afternoon yesterday after a few awful days of panic attacks and self loathing. We went for lunch, mooched around the shops and generally had a good time. It reminded me of what could be which gave me hope. Also had good news from college as they have agreed to reduce his timetable by cutting one A'Level which is a huge relief, though we have to have an official meeting about next year.

However, today, I think he has missed his CAMHS appointment and gone out with friends instead. I don't really know as he was incommunicado from when I finished work till about 9 when I got "am fine" and another "ok" when I said to be home by 11. Like blood from a stone. I thoroughly panicked when he wasn't home and I couldn't get hold of him and always think the worst. It's hard as I try not to stop him from being a teenager, but at the same time my own anxiety just consumes me. I think I need my own therapist.

Tonight I cried and couldn't stop. I am just so drained and done in by all the constant drama and crisis. Equally I'm pissed off by the sudden "I'm fine". Love me, let me go type stuff I guess and all normal in teen world but just thoroughly too much for a menopausal old goat like myself.

Love, positivity and strength to all you lovely PoTs x

Midlifemumofteens good news that your ds made it to school this week. It's a victory! I think we've managed 1 lesson in the last week but I keep telling dh that it's better than none

Hi everyone, my day off, spending it pottering around doing housework (ugh) but also fitting in a run in preparation for my race.

Tarrara I hope you're OK, look after yourself - I am menopausal and always hot. So hard dealing with them when we have our own hormones. My favourite thing - coffee - makes me even hotter, but I am not giving it up! Just more blasts with my fan!

midlifemumofteens vjg13 you have my sympathies re the GCSEs my ds had them last year, a few meltdowns and saying he does not have the mentality for all this study. I hope it goes OK for them, my ds did better than school predicted.

I am taking my ds to GP again today, she wants to see how he's doing. A while ago he hurt his sister (not seriously thank goodness), pure anger; she tells him not to talk to her as she 'hates' him....the counselling via college seems to be helping as he will now go out of the door for a short run, which will help with the low mood. He is just grunting at me and is quite low but functioning. I would cut my arm off if it meant he would be happy.

We have visits to a few universities coming up, but I don't want him to be pressured - over Easter he did little revision, saying he couldn't get on with it. I am more concerned about his mental wellbeing than getting to university, it is still a while away, but not the be all and end all.

Have a good day everyone and I hope you can take time out from the stress if just for a short while

Good morning Po Ts!

Tararra wishing you strength for your significant anniversary today

Sorry you have had such a tough week. I was nodding frantically at this ...
I am just so drained and done in by all the constant drama and crisis. Equally I'm pissed off by the sudden "I'm fine". Love me, let me go type stuff I guess and all normal in teen world but just thoroughly too much for a menopausal old goat like myself.
I honestly could have written it myself!

We invest all this anguish in our teens while helping them over the humps and then they have the audacity to turn around and say "piss off, what's with all the drama?" . And when that happens is totally unpredictable too! I was about to say "you either laugh or you cry" but in fact, like you, I cry! The ups and downs get too much when you are already feeling up and down thanks to the menopause. I just want to travel a smooth, flat, boring road for a while to regain my equilibrium.

Very pleased to hear about your glimmer of hope afternoon mooching around the shops though, and that college are being supportive. Hang in there

Welcome to the thread CalendulaAndRoses. Have no experience at all of cutting - it must be hellish going through this with your dds - it's definitely something we must add to the list of topics to ask the possible Mumsnet expert about. You are not going crazy, I'm sure every single one of us on here can identify with "having to put up with apparantly rabid strangers who I love to death but regularly want to throttle in my own home..."! Hormones have temporarily kidnapped our DC, it will get better

Midlifemumofteens Ha to "being supportive while being snarled at"! It's an art form! That's great your ds has got to school this week and wishing him all the very best for next! Oh and you get extra gold for listening to grime music!

Whattodofgs my DD has had a "boyfriend" for 18 months but it's more like a school friendship tbh rather than a full on relationship, so not sure I am qualified to advise. Sorry to hear your dd is still so invested in bf. Again, this is something we should definitely "ask the expert" should we have the opportunity of a web chat.

McMen71 I do the same and read bits of the thread at challenging moments!

Ticklingcheese
AND we look better, dress better, are nice concerned parents and we ARE gorgeous people, no matter what our teens may think.
Hear hear to that! well I think my dd looks better and dresses better than me but yay to the gorgeous concerned people bit

Fist bumps to Billy and to everyone else!

Hello Pegsinarow and co.

We’ve had an ok time recently but Ds still isn’t in school. This is his 4th academic week off plus 2 at Easter. He is doing some work at home and with summer revision we’re hoping he won’t be behind going into his final year.

His CAMHS therapist is off sick so he hasn’t had any 1:1 sessions and her maternity leave starts soon so maybe she won’t be back at all.

We had a great start with them but the follow up has been frustrating. He was to meet with a psychiatrist to talk about his self harm but she has been a no show twice.

That’s it from us
Sorry I don’t comment or support others on here, I just don’t have it to give at the moment