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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

14yr dd - i've just found drugs in her room

132 replies

ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 13:13

I have just found 15 tablets hidden in dd's room. She had a party last weekend and one boy smuggled in ecstasy, and proceeded to hand it out like smarties. There was also weed, NOS balloons, alcohol and cigarettes. I'm presuming they have come from him, but can't be sure.

Never again!! I am gutted that this happened in my house and can't believe how many of dd's friends seem to partake in all this shit. They are only 14 ffs.

However, I have just had a look in dd's room and found these pills, which smell like weed tbh (but I don't know if weed comes in tablet form). Last time I snooped in her room and confronted her with something I found, she didn't come home for 4 days.

I feel sick and so, so scared of telling her I've looked again but after the party, and just her general behaviour, I felt I had to.

To all of you who think your dc would never do this shit, don't necessarily believe it! There were kids there who I would never have thought would.

I know I need to confront her but I feel sick Sad

OP posts:
TheQueef · 06/11/2018 13:15

Weed doesn't come in tablet form, it does stink so if it has been stored together the pills may smell.

Any motif or picture on the pills?

Santaisgettingbusy · 06/11/2018 13:16

Remove them and wait for her to notice.
My ds was caught at school, expelled and police involved when they raided exh's home. Wasn't pleasant.

JeanPagett · 06/11/2018 13:17

Was a boy really handing out ecstasy like smarties? It's about a fiver a pill so he's very generous...

I'd bin the pills and have a very serious conversation with her about drug use. It would occur to me that 15 pills may not be for personal use.

Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 13:21

No picture on the pills. tbh I thought they were paracetamol to start with, white, and oval in shape. She has a history of self harm and I thought she was stock piling them to take an overdose Sad

I've removed them and was going to not say anything but just chatted to a friend who thinks I need to confront her.

Re smarties - he gave them to a reasonable number apparently (there were about 40 kids there) and I found 23 NOS canisters the next day, whether from the same person, who knows.

OP posts:
HarrietKettleWasHere · 06/11/2018 13:22

That was one hedonistic house party for a bunch of young teenagers Hmm

JeanPagett · 06/11/2018 13:25

Did you allow your 15 year old to have an unsupervised house party? Because someone sneaking pills and maybe booze in past you I understand, but 23 gas canisters?

Woodendoors · 06/11/2018 13:25

The pills sound like xanax, any kind of print on them?

NorthernRunner · 06/11/2018 13:26

Firstly try calm down, easier said than done I know.
I would take them from under her bed if you haven’t already.
They may not be ecstasy. Could be a legal high. Whatever they are they will be cheap and could be laced with anything.
I would try have a calm open conversation with your dd when she gets home. You will want her to be honest with you, if you go in all guns blazing she will just get better at hiding her stash in future

Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 13:28

Yes, you see I knew I would get people questioning it. It is true. The party happened. There was drugs. There were girls rolling around the floor off their faces, then picked up by friends parents so their own parents are probably none the wiser.

And still so very naive and oblivious.

Our house is big. It has a massive room at the end with not a lot in it and with a v loud speaker and own bathroom and kitchen. It all happened down there.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 13:30

Jean - no it was not unsupervised. I was there, along with two other mum friends. The canisters are about 10cm long. Easier to smuggle than a bottle of gin! They all bring bags with them. I did not search all their bags. It was dark when they arrived so could not see everything.

OP posts:
HarrietKettleWasHere · 06/11/2018 13:31

Having a big fuck off house doesn’t excuse this tbh OP. As you say, they’re 14 ffs. Did you step in when girls were rolling around off their faces?! Or happy to pack them off relieved they hadn’t OD’d or taken something really nasty?

Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 13:31

Wooden doors - no print on them at all. I've googled ecstasy and they all seem to be coloured or with print on them. But these are plain white. Just like paracetamol.

OP posts:
Fatizo · 06/11/2018 13:32

I would confront her. She is only 14. She still needs to sit and listen to her mum. There is a lot she still needs to learn. You may wonna discuss about drugs in general. What they lead to and how a lot of people, who go down that route end up diseased, involved in al sorts of crimes and at time lose everything meaningful. Does she really wonna end up like that? What does she aspire to be when she is a grown up? Does she realise those tablets can harm her? I would focus on the subject of drug use, rather than is being a criticism of your part. Tell her you are sad and worried about her doing this to hersel. Maybe there is something that is bothering her that she needs to open up to you about? Maybe bullying at school? Relationship problems? Abuse? It must be so hard for you to see that. Big hug. And good luck.

JeanPagett · 06/11/2018 13:33

I'm no so much questioning that it happened so much as how it happened.

If anyone has been naive and oblivious here it's you. Why on Earth did you allow a large group of 14 year olds in your house with so little supervision that there was drinking, drug dealing and girls rolling around on the floor off their faces? Are the other parents not irate with you? Have the police not become involved?

Strawberrybelly · 06/11/2018 13:34

Why the hell are you letting your 14 year old have an unsupervised party for? You should have been present to make sure none of that happened.

Woodendoors · 06/11/2018 13:34

They definitely don't sound like ecstasy tablets, they could be anything though, the only way to find out would be to ask her really

Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 13:34

Yes, Harriet, I was so, so happy Hmm

I cannot possible police what 40 teenagers bring to a party. They are all at it!!! Shocking, but in my experience with dd, and also ds17, so very common.

My ds says it is easier to get drugs than alcohol and everyone knows who to go to.

As I said, I am never, ever doing it again and if and when dd has a party, I will be checking her bag etc.

OP posts:
HarrietKettleWasHere · 06/11/2018 13:35

I’d be incredibly suspicious that the ‘boy’ in possession of all these different drugs, dealing them out to other people, was a mere 14 year old and one of your daughter’s peers.

NorthernRunner · 06/11/2018 13:36

Can you post a picture of the pills? Would mumsnet allow that, perhaps someone could help you identify them.
Needless to say you shouldn’t be allowing parties at your house anymore, and hopefully your dds friends parents won’t either.
What did you do when you saw girls rolling around on the floor off their faces?

HarrietKettleWasHere · 06/11/2018 13:37

You can’t police what they bring. You absolutely can police what they take and how they behave in YOUR house.

NorthernRunner · 06/11/2018 13:38

I think you need to be taking more responsibility for this than you sound to be.
If you have a room big enough for 40 14 year olds, there should have been more than 3moms present to supervise.
By the sounds of it you are lucky no one was very seriously ill.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 06/11/2018 13:40

"You see" the favourite phrase of the hairy handed. Of course this is a load of pish.

Helloyello · 06/11/2018 13:40

Let me just double check.. you were supervising this party? You saw these 14 year old children taking class A drugs and you did nothing?!

JeanPagett · 06/11/2018 13:41

If you can't prevent 14 year olds consuming drugs and alcohol on your property then don't host parties 

WTFIsAGleepglorp · 06/11/2018 13:41

Your daughter may be muling.

Police are likely to know (or know of) the boy who's dealing and may well search him (or his family home) on an almost regular basis.

Many dealers put their stashes in the hands subordinates less likely to be searched.