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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

14yr dd - i've just found drugs in her room

132 replies

ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 13:13

I have just found 15 tablets hidden in dd's room. She had a party last weekend and one boy smuggled in ecstasy, and proceeded to hand it out like smarties. There was also weed, NOS balloons, alcohol and cigarettes. I'm presuming they have come from him, but can't be sure.

Never again!! I am gutted that this happened in my house and can't believe how many of dd's friends seem to partake in all this shit. They are only 14 ffs.

However, I have just had a look in dd's room and found these pills, which smell like weed tbh (but I don't know if weed comes in tablet form). Last time I snooped in her room and confronted her with something I found, she didn't come home for 4 days.

I feel sick and so, so scared of telling her I've looked again but after the party, and just her general behaviour, I felt I had to.

To all of you who think your dc would never do this shit, don't necessarily believe it! There were kids there who I would never have thought would.

I know I need to confront her but I feel sick Sad

OP posts:
user1981287 · 06/11/2018 16:47

Re the smuggling in of alcohol etc apparently it happens well in advance around here. They hide it in the garden etc so that when they arrive they don't look to have any on them.

Parent friend at school got stung this way at her older teen's party where they were all checked on arrival...

Yogagirl123 · 06/11/2018 16:57

To be honest OP it doesn’t surprise me, according to my DS’ drugs are a far bigger problem than alcohol for teens. It is very worrying.

Good luck with talking to your DD.

dontknowwhattodo80 · 06/11/2018 17:00

Making me nervous as DS1 is having a house party for his 15th this weekend Confused

It will be supervised - well we'll be upstairs! I'm hoping for a dominos, fizzy drink and sweets kind of affair ShockGrin

Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 17:01

Dontknow- the very best of luck!!!

OP posts:
adoggymama · 06/11/2018 17:07

You sound like an incredibly irresponsible and stupid parent quite frankly.

40kids round? Are you mad?

woollyheart · 06/11/2018 17:14

14 year olds can be hard work at parties. How did the party get to be so big?

I only ever allowed a dozen or so - and that was hard work to supervise.

Are you unhappy to set boundaries for your dd? 14 year olds can be incredibly pushy and demanding. We found when we set better boundaries, and were much clearer that certain things were never allowed, dd was a lot happier and under less pressure from friends.

ShalomJackie · 06/11/2018 17:14

The tablets look like xanax.

Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 17:15

Doggy- no. Are you always so rude?

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 06/11/2018 17:15

It's probably xanax rather than ecstasy, it's a very popular party drug amongst teens at the moment, I have teenage BILs and they take it recreationally. It's much much cheaper than E pills so that would explain handing them round generously.

NorthernRunner · 06/11/2018 17:34

I think the reason who some posters have been so judgy, and I include myself in that, is because the OP had 40 14yr olds in her house and didn’t seem to know what they were doing until she saw evidence afterwards. I would be furious if one of my children were at that party, (both with OP and teenager them self)

However I hope I haven’t upset you and I’m sorry if I have.
Have you spoken to your daughter yet?

HereForTheLineEyes · 06/11/2018 17:47

OP i don't want to be dramatic, but if the tablets are paracetamol (I honestly have no idea) are you worried she might be stashing them to overdose? If they are Xanax why is she using them? Why does she have so many? Again can you be sure whatever they are that she isn't going to overdose on them?

Varmints · 06/11/2018 17:55

It's easier for kids to get drugs than alcohol, it's becoming increasingly common amongst teens.

Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 17:57

I'm not upset with you. I actually feel sick and I'm having palpitations thinking about the whole thing.

My ds has had parties before with that many kids, and more, and it was ok. As I said, we have a great room for parties, sleepovers etc hence why we did it. but I never expected this.

Dd has a club tonight and I pick her up at 7.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihatedrugs · 06/11/2018 18:06

I can't be sure lineeyes.

Obviously her potential to overdose is there and I am worried sick about it.

OP posts:
Cleo2628 · 06/11/2018 18:10

OP everyone is giving you such a hard time. It’s so easy for teenagers to smuggle in alcohol un noticed (I’ve done it a fair few times back in the day 🙈) and with that many I’m sure it was near impossible to manage what they were all drinking at all times

avocadoincident · 06/11/2018 19:33

Also re, alcohol, I was happy to buy my teen a few cans to have at parties but they turn their nose up at anything that isn't spirits which is out of the question to me

SinkGirl · 06/11/2018 19:42

If she’s stashing individual paracetamol, where is she getting them from? If it’s the family medicine cabinet / box / whatever, are there that many missing? Do you have that type of caplet or a different kind? If she’d bought a box herself, surely they’d still be in the packet.

Charliebear3 · 06/11/2018 20:04

Don't know why everyone's hating, isn't this most people's childhood ? Yanno sneaking off with fags with your friends and dating a boy your parents didn't like but you did it anyway 💁🏻‍♀️ I was 12 when I started smoking 13 when I tried weed and smoked them for abit , 14 when I started drinking at weekends with my friends. 14 when I lost my virginity to my boyfriend who was 16 and still with him now 8 years later and a 5 year old. This is just kids being kids in my eyes. The more you tell her not to do these things the more she's gunna do it. I don't smoke or drink now. And of course my mum used to go mad at me all the time for it when I was a kid which just made me do it more. The advice id give you is talk to her about it and just tell her to be honest with you and control it from there. at least she was at home drinking and not out on the street.

Adviceandguidanceneeded · 06/11/2018 22:24

Lesson learnt op , I have always refused parties as her friends have had them with similar to yours and worse.

Those tablets look like paracetamol to me , def not ecstasy.

millimat · 06/11/2018 22:56

Op hope things are OK with you since you spoke to your daughter.

elliemillie · 07/11/2018 03:05

I can't believe the naivety and judgemental attitudes on this post. I have a 14 year old DD too and there are drugs and alcohol at all the parties she goes to. It is a massive problem. A lot of the kids taking the drugs look super innocent and normal. Their mum's will probably be on public forums claiming their DDs won't be at such parties either.

OP it is a really horrible thing to discover. I think people would rather shoot the messenger than hear the message.

Keeping the lines of communication open is important. I would have a little taste of the pills just to rule out she is not stashing paracetamol for future overdosing

Hang in there. This too shall pass Flowers

PookieDo · 08/11/2018 21:52

Is it naïve?

My DD14 has never been to a party and my DD16 is about to go to her first ever one

I don’t think it’s as normal as people like to convince themselves it is. Sorry

millimat · 08/11/2018 22:12

My DD is nearly 15, totally middle of the road normal and never been to a party which is more than a sleepover with a couple of friends.

Alexandra2018 · 08/11/2018 22:22

They don't all do it my 14 dd would watch movies and get take away, I'd be so angry if I knew my child was at a home where this was going on with adults supervising!

iwantasofa · 08/11/2018 22:22

It sounds as if there are a lot more problems here than just this one night. Your daughter's mental health is concerning and no doubt leading to the drugs issues. I'd say she needs new friends and much closer attention from parents. (How did you not notice they were off their heads?? And if you did notice why didn't you stop the party immediately?)