have finally thrown out 17 year old and actually feel relieved.

[ccmms]

What it says on the tin. Have struggled with ds since he was about 13 and have tolerated/tried to pick my battles with regards to abusive attitude, laziness, selfishness, entitledness, drinking, weed, money going missing, disregarding any rules i tried to enforce regarding my house, not paying board etc etc. Did all the usual stopping wifi, not giving any money, trying to enforce basic house rules but to no avail. Have always said that drug dealing was a line I was not prepared to cross, so when i recently found out he has been selling weed I have finally had enough and put him out. And im not sorry to say that i feel relieved. That I can now maybe not dread coming home. Obviously i worry for ds but he is old enough now to make his own decisions (and clearly has no intention of listening to me or anyone else sensible) so he will have to find his own way and I certainly hope he will come out the other side a better person.

I do not understand why posters think I have went nc with him or that he will need to claim benefits etc. They must just be making stuff up to fit with their negative and false narrative. We are still engaging with him, he has been back home twice for a visit. Atm we are halfway to securing a private let for him (and yes the landlord is aware of all the background). He is not unemployed and come his 18th birthday will be on more than minimum wage. It will be difficult for him to transition from spending all him wages on drugs and alcohol to having to pay bills but he will have to try nonetheless. If his house becomes a doss house then that is his choice. But im sick of my house being the doss house. I dont want to be woken up several times a night by strange men (aged 18-25) coming in and out of my house at all times. I sick of confronting them and telling them to leave. I dont want to be scared to leave my house to go to work, shops, everyday living because I dont know what I am coming back to. I sick of hiding anything of value because if i dont it will go missing. Im sick of being verbally abused any time i try to enforce any rule. I dont want my house smelling of weed anymore. And yes, Im also grateful my housework load has practically halved since ds has left.

I can only wonder who the parents of difficult teens are on this thread.

Firstly there isn't a lot of help for drug addicted teens. The services don't care until the child's actions are extreme when in reality many parents want the help when they discover that the child is using. In the case of weed, it's not taken seriously. A lot of "every teen has tried it" "it's only weed" " class c drug use doesn't usually result in class A drug use" type attitudes. My son only smoked some weed for a bit but basically parents like me are forced to gamble on our kids not dealing or moving onto class A stuff. OP's son is doing both so she must be terrified each time someone knocks on the door.

How do you get a teen to go to a drugs counsellor or engage with services? They don't think that they have a problem. In order for them to have a wake up call, they need to have a serious situation occur (say a hospital admission or time in a jail cell) before they are ready to change their lives around. Kicking them out means that you can't control the serious situation that occurs but letting him stay at home and live the life of riley isn't going to nudge him towards change. You can't discipline 17 year olds so you end up taking action that will minimize effects on the siblings and parents.

Fingers crossed that independent living works out for your son.

OP, there an organisation called step-by-step which can help teens with accomodation issues....www.stepbystep.org.uk/

Totally sympathise Op and fully understand why you took the decision that you did.
I know that if I were in your position, I would probably do the same thing.

Are you not embarrassed to talk to the relative that has taken your responsibility on

Yeah, you’re absolutely empathy or advice to the op by asking her is she embarrassed to talk to the relative who has ‘taken on her responsibility’

You’re just making a nasty little dig then trying to pretend you’re not.

Again thanks everyone that has offered support. Everyone else i dont really care what you have to say as I guess its easy to sit and pass judgement on a situation your not having to endure. Which makes theses sort of people cunty twats imo
Wow
This is all really hard to read - it sounds like a ghastly situation but he is only 17, albeit nearly 18.
Was he dealing/using or is that actually just hearsay? Really all round.

@avon he is definitely using, and I am 99.99% sure he is dealing. I have seen messages citing him as a dealer, I have seen little digital scales and little poly bags in his room and have had several trusted people tell me he is dealing.
As for this nonsense that he is only 17/18, he still a child, he isnt fully aware of what he is doing because he is still a teenager? What if he raped or murdered someone, (im in no way saying he would do this or is in anyway capable of doing this and id like to believe he wouldnt) but would you all be defending him with the only 17/18 stance?

I don’t think it’s nonsense citing his age but you clearly do. I have not been in your position so cannot obviously say definitively that I’d do X,Y or Z. I can, however, express that it’s a terribly sad situation all round. Good luck to all of you.

CCMS quote " he is definitely using, and I am 99.99% sure he is dealing. I have seen messages citing him as a dealer, I have seen little digital scales and little poly bags in his room and have had several trusted people tell me he is dealing. "

For heavens sake, for all the liberal minded having a go at this parent, he is a drug dealer, she has another child to think of. My friend went down the tough love route she had two younger sons one severely mentally handicapped. It was the best thing his parents did he says now. He did hit rock bottom, but because he was intelligent finally had the sense to turn his life around. He is now a lovely man in his 40`s with a fantastic career. I read about Demi Lovata who was on meths and finally took a heroin overdose now that lass probably has a parent worried sick about her. Sometimes we cannot help those we love they have to help themselves.

helmet

I really wasn't.

I think that 99.9% sure should most certainly be enough to report your concerns to the police. All you have done is moved the problem out of your sight. He is your son and you have to take some responsibility here. He didn't emerge into the world at 17 and a drug dealer. You raised him!

If she was genuinely concerned the post would have have been ‘my 17 year old son is being really challenging

Some of you people must be talking from a place of privilege - you so obviously have never had to deal with this.

I'm one of 8 - 1 of my siblings was like OPs son...actually probably far worse. He broke my mothers heart. She never put him out, much to the detriment of us younger siblings, he made life hell for us. She tried so hard for him and yet he threw it all in her face. I can categorically state it wasn't my parents fault the way he turned out, it was his choices.

But isaw, not kicking him out doesn't mean not doing anything and inflicting it on the rest of the family forever.

But isaw, not kicking him out doesn't mean not doing anything and inflicting it on the rest of the family forever

OP has said several times that her son is not open to help or change, he's quite happy with the way he lives his life. She's a mother, not a magician.

consquences. no one is addicted to selling drugs. his choice.

Do all these pearl clutchers offer homes to druggies?

100 % agree with isaw

Your child is dealing Class A drugs and you haven't contacted the police?

Op

You have done the right thing. At the moment your son is too preoccupied selling drugs and making money from it.

He is only a foot soldier and means nothing at all to the guys he is dealing for. I guess he feels important and valued.

Let him crack on with it.

It hurts but you have tried very hard.

He can only go one of two ways now.

Keep your resolve and don’t let him home. If he thinks he’s a big man let him live like one in the real world.

Don’t do his laundry either!! A bag of pasta and pint of milk yes!

Other than that let him get on with it

The posters suggesting that people like me (who don't agree with how the OP has handled the situation) should take on a random drug dealer ourselves into our homes are being ridiculous.
The reason being, he is not our son and not our responsibilty. He is the OP's responsibilty.
I too have a 17 year old ds, who hasn't given me any cause for concern. However, if I ever found out he was into taking/dealing in drugs then I would do my up most to help him.
The FIRST thing I'd be doing is gathering as much evidence as possible and be reporting him to the Police!

I wouldn't wash my hands of him, which no matter which way she tries to dress it, the OP has washed her hands of her own ds.
The very fact you are 99.99% sure he's a dealer and you still do nothing about it is a disgrace.
If he's dealing he needs bloody locking up!
Also, how dare you call posters like me 'cunty twats' OP? just because we disagree. How on earth can YOU expect your ds to have a decent attitude when you come across as aggressive yourself?
One more thing, the posters sympathizing with the OP, would you be as sympathetic if her son lived near you and sold drugs to your children?
I think not.
Would you sympathize with OP for not reporting her suspicions of her son's drug dealing to the Police before he got the chance to sell drugs to your children?
I think not again.

OP, get off your high horse and realise that you need to report your son. Surely, as his mother you must see this is the right thing to do.

Id never grass up a 17yo for selling weed. Hopefully he will see the error of his ways, but you dont need to throw them under the bus. Op did the right thing imo

He's not selling weed, he's selling Coke.

Perhaps the wake up call would be what he needed.

OP, I think what we sometimes forget is, this is a forum full of anonymous people. People can be whoever they want on the internet. Sometimes we get carried away with the topic at hand and assume we are discussing with mature, experienced individuals. For all you know some of the posters on here could be 17yrs old themselves just posting rubbish about what they would like to see happen if they were in OP's ds's shoes like the one who chirped, 'Its his home too!' Don't assume everyone here is sensible.

but you dont need to throw them under the bus. Just out the door then User where they can continue to deal their drugs and inflict misery on countless other people's children.

At the moment OP he's 17. I would urge you to work with him, not wash your hands of him. At the moment he is at a cross roads. With your help he could change, he's still a teen after all, and sadly many teens are like this but grow up to have decent jobs and lives. If he feels you no longer support him he may turn to his friends and move onto harder drugs.

Well to be fair people have free choice when it comes to drugs. If not from ops son then elsewhere. The problem is bigger and higher than him and i would not want any repercussions down the line from high end dealers.
Its a dark world, hopefully a few weeks will knock some sense into him.
Ops son wont pollute your child. Hes been polluted himself, he isnt to blame