OP, you are taking a lot of flack from people who have no idea what its like. I have 4 kids. One of them is like this. The others are kind, considerate, hard working etc. They have their stroppy moments, but it is not necessarily a parenting issue involved. I think a lot more of the issue is the effect of drugs on developing teen brains.
My son is now 18 and staying here by the very skin of his teeth. We have 2 other kids, younger than him, plus one older. The layout of the house means he is away from the rest of the family.
I have been through hell and back this last 3 years. He got in with a dodgy crowd, embraced their lifestyle choices. I recently attended a meeting at college where he was kicked out, and while we were there to talk about his lack of attendance, work etc, the main concern of the three members of staff was ...Was I OK, was I safe from him, did I have support at home to deal with his aggression, could they help?. WHich will tell you what you need to know about my son.
WHat specifically did he do? Until recently...
STealing - to the point we had to buy a safe and lock away purses, credit cards, car keys etc. We lock the office with the safe in and take the keys and phones and handbags to bed with us.
STealing car - has no license, no insurance - and its his sisters car that
she needs for work.
Drug dealing - MDMA, weed and coke
Stealing hundreds of pounds of goods and pawning them for money
Girlfriend encouraging the above
Verbally and physically abusive
Filthy dirty, smelly, lazy, aggressive, defiant
Druggie mates joy riding up and down the road at 3am
multiple arrests: shoplifting, carrying a concealed weapon, possession, anti-social behaviour, assault
Has lost multiple jobs because he cant be arsed to go in after a few weeks.
He was excluded from school, and now excluded from college.
STealing from work
I wanted him out, i have many times expressed that I was living with an abusive man, but he was my son, not my husband.
But as others have said, there is no provision for tearaway kids and under 18 years you are legally responsible for them.
We persevered. he is currently in the first month of an apprenticeship which does not involve handling money. Fortunately, all his arrests were dealt with through community resolution so do not appear on a DBS check.
So far he says he is enjoying it. He is far to bright for the role, but Im hoping that he will stick with it and then do an access course with a view to getting into uni. But thats his choice.
The girlfriend is banned from the house. I have paid for his train pass for this month only, he will pay rent when he gets his first pay check or he WILL be leaving. HE earns enough to rent a room, so that is his choice now.
OP, while you took a different route, I do not blame you in the slightest. It may take your son time to wise up, but as a middle ground, Ive heard of someone that would meet her son once a week, buy him lunch, bring him a bag of groceries and take home any clothes that needed washing. Also provided a cheap phone on a limited contract.
Those with their judgey pants - there for the grace of God go I....