Has anyone paid for a psychiatric/ psychologist privately for their teen because you know Camhs won’t help with severe anxiety?

[ihatethecold]

My DD’s anxiety is getting progressively worse.
She is struggling at school and this has been going on for well over a year.
She starts her GCSE’s next school year but she is so stressed that she isn’t concentrating at school.
The Gp has diagnosed stress and anxiety and she has quite severe physical as well s mental symptoms.
We have been waiting months for her to have her assessment with Camhs.
I know they won’t help her because she isn’t suicidal/ self harming. If they do help her the waiting list is fine 18 months for Cbt.
An assessment will be expensive but I feel we need to do something because we are just living week to week and without proper help I can’t see how she will improve.

I truly believe that social media is also partly to blame for all these anxiety issues amongst teens

Its not just at the moment CAMHS are stretched & rubbish, they've always been shite. I feel like its n excuse to use underfunding as a reason they fuck up so much, they just don't have the know how, skills or right staff in my experience to know what the fuck they're doing.
My DS went to 4 different CAMHS services - unbelievable failure after failure. They kept passing him around cos they literally were in over their heads. And cos I wouldn't give up. Wish I'd gone private then (10 years ago) - things might not have got to the stage we're at now.

That's the key, I think chocolate....the more you fight, the more they realise you just aren't going to go away. Ahhh flesh...it's like a roller coaster. ..one I'd quite like to get off of. I see all these kids going to school, with their mates, laughing, happy, and (from the outside) look like they're happy to be going in. And my DD has a red puffy face from crying so hard, and rarely engages with her friends. Almost makes me wonder where I've gone so wrong?? I know it's not my fault...just having a whinge !!

@Thatcherscold

My DD has been out of school for over a year due to anxiety. Her anxiety does affect other areas of her life but her inability to go to school has had a huge impact.

We were told by the GP initially that she was 'not bad enough for CAHMs' so we went private. CAHMs are now involved due, I think, to the fact it has been going on so long. The initial intervention by CAHMs was three meetings, after which point they developed a 'care plan' which was basically - deal with your anxiety by going into school every other day for short periods and building it up. This was what we had been attempting to do already so wasn't exactly helpful. They also put her on a waiting list for CBT.

Over Christmas DD's anxiety increased and as a result I think she was pushed up the list for CBT. It's early days so I have no idea if it will be helpful but she is keen to engage. We're continuing to also pay privately for therapy as it has helped and she finds it valuable.

Her school have been supportive and flexible to an extent but there is a limit to what they can offer. I think she needs some consistent one to one support to get her into school and for her to feel there is someone there for her when she feels panicked but this is hard to achieve - teachers obviously are occupied and numbers of support staff have been cut. She has also not been provided with work and we are now looking at tutors (again we will have to pay) to help catch up. The anxiety around school is exacerbated by worry about the work she has missed so am trying at least to help with that.

Looking back this has been developing for at least three years and I wish I had got help for her earlier before it got to the point where she couldn't go to school. It's going to be very hard to get her back there as she has been out for so long - she does want to be at school though which is positive.

Sorry for everyone going through this - it's terribly hard. It's comforting to know we're not the only ones.

Hey Polly.
Your dd sounds very much like my dd.
This thread has been very supportive to all of us in the same situation.

Not much progress here either. I've had to stop pushing though as it was make making us all ill. I've been signed off for 2 weeks which brings us to half term. Not sure what I'm going to do after that. What have others done during the day while they go to work? I'm not keen on leaving him on his own but not sure I have much choice.

Hi all....not much better here either. Refusing school completely now. On the plush side, school are now communicating with me better than they were. Just it's very difficult. ...are you in a position to work from home on some days? I so wish I had answers

Dd went to school for an hour yesterday and seemed ok but she is on for refusing today. I think the unpredictability of it all is exhausting. I expected problems yesterday because she was unhappy on Thursday but yesterday went well. Wasn't expecting any bother today but it was obvious at 8am that she isn't likely to go today.Roll on the weekend.

We just seem to be sitting at home waiting for him to feel ready to go to school. I've contacted everyone I can think of and are just waiting to see what happens. Anyone else feel like they are in limbo?

Whywon't before DD stopped going to school altogether we had a long time (months) of her attendance being erratic. She was always ill - we now know that a lot of her physical symptoms are the anxiety. She gets bad stomach aches and headaches, also feels sick. We had a lot of contact with the school and it wasn't helpful - lots of letters threatening consequences for us if we couldn't get her attendance up. Things got a lot better once she had stopped going completely and the school accepted that it was a mental health issue rather than non-attendance. The removal of that pressure really helped her.

Just I work full time, a lot from home at the moment because of the situation, but I do leave her here alone a couple of days a week. She is not showing signs of depression or self harming though and is generally pretty cheerful at home - I would not want to leave her if I felt she was at risk. However I now have two appts to get her to a week, both in work time, plus if she is trying to go into school for an hour every other day (not managing it so far) and I have to be around to support that too. So it's time consuming and I am extremely lucky my boss is supportive.

Holding their anxiety whilst trying to encourage them to do things is emotionally exhausting.

We finally got a letter from my dd’s gp to allow for a reduced and flexible timetable.
We have already planned it with the school they said until they have the letter they can’t action it.

They will not budge with her science class.
The teacher said she is doing ok in his lesson so won’t move her.
She never creates a fuss and may look like she is ok but he doesn’t see her the evening before or whilst she’s trying to get out of the house to school.

This feels like a full time job. A very stressful full time job without much annual leave!!

ihate we had similar when dd was attending, school were completely unwilling to bend because they saw potential GCSE passes. Even when Autism Outreach were advising them that either they back off or expect dd to opt out of attending they chose to continue to push her.
Once we called it a day to her attending everything that Autism Outreach and I had said would need to be done was done immediately. But now I need to get dd back in school in order for her to benefit from these changes and that is easier said than done.

Can you Home school Flesh

I could home school Ihate but I believe the LA have a duty to provide dd with an education that meets her needs. I'm not convinced that home school is the right thing for dd. I think she needs the right school environment rather than no school environment and selfishly I don't want to be responsible for educating her when I'm already responsible for everything else.
I'm exhausted a lot of the time as it is. I'm a single parent to ds who is more severely autistic than dd as well and another dd with a chronic health condition who needs my help even though she lives in her own house and then two more ds's. I don't think I have the time or energy or even the inclination to do her justice IYSWIM. I'm sure some people do a great job of home schooling but to me it feels like it's a job I don't want and never signed up for.

That was really well put flesh. I pulled my youngest DC out of school for exactly the same reasons. They weren't providing her with the Education I thought they should have been. Moved her to another school, where she is absolutely flourishing. I only wish I'd done the same with DD before this all started.

polly I hear you....I don't push DD to go in, and the school are now being remarkably helpful in terms of absence and attendance etc. I also refuse to HE for the same reasons as flesh gave. It's so wrong tho. ..that our dc have to go through all this. ..and for what? I left school with nothing...I haven't done too badly. But the more I tell my dd this, the more the school pressure her for good grades and university. The last time she was in, one of her teachers told the class that a 5 grade was unacceptable and they should all be aiming for 9s. As far as I'm aware, a 5 is a pass....makes me so mad

Struggling with this all today. Trying to do something positive with the days but that seems to involve interrupting the game he's playing on his phone or pulling him away from the TV or just generally spoiling his day.

This thread is so sad Medals for all you coping with this.

My dd is an anxious child. It's taken her two terms to settle at secondary school getting there now but she still hates assembly and a few lessons.

I was considering a good therapist but we seemed to get through alone

I blame the government on two levels

1. For not finding MH properly
2. For putting such ridiculous pressure on schools to achieve. Schools have now become little more than hothouses for bright kids and the not so bright can't possibly compete

It's unfair on all the children. No wonder MH is on the floor

When u was at school. All we cared about was Grange Hill Cute boys and our latest band crush. I certainly didn't have the pressure they have at 11/13. Once we started exams it was a little more pressure but a pass was always good enough. An A was very rare.

Just coming on to vent I guess... after a few positive days yesterday was the worst yet.
DS should of been at his dads. He refused... I tried tough love by saying I was working. I wasn't I just needed a night off.
This resulted in a very angry boy. Banging his head on the wall. Anger like I've not seen before, totally blank in the eyes is the only way I can describe it. He says he would be better off not here. Then the tears came. His dad held him while he cried saying he didn't want to die! 😢
I gave in. I couldn't push him. He was begging to stay in his safe place at home!
His dad lives with his parents who aren't really hands on or understanding at all the kids hate going at the best of time.
I really needed a break but how can I put him through that? I felt awful after!
My plan now is when it's EH night he can stay mine and I'll go my mums. At least then I get a night off.
Thanks for listening x

Oh Shitbag that's tough. Try not to feel too bad. This stuff is relentless and exhausting and it does seem sometimes like they won't even try. My DS is happy as Larry at home. Can't see anything wrong, but if I suggest that he tries school or commit to something for next week, all hell breaks loose.

I don’t know what to write.
I’m tired. My gran died at the weekend and I feel sad. I sobbed all the way home on the train. I haven’t cried like that in years and years.
I have a permanent stress headache around one eye.
I feel I’m constantly battling to get my dd better.
The school have agreed a reduced and flexible timetable but will not change her science class.
The emails are going backwards and forwards, both of us unwilling to back down.
I’m so sorry that you are all in this situation. It’s heartbreaking.

Hugs to you ihate. Sorry for your loss. This was me last week. Take some time for yourself xxx

Thanks 50. X