Has anyone paid for a psychiatric/ psychologist privately for their teen because you know Camhs won’t help with severe anxiety?

[ihatethecold]

My DD’s anxiety is getting progressively worse.
She is struggling at school and this has been going on for well over a year.
She starts her GCSE’s next school year but she is so stressed that she isn’t concentrating at school.
The Gp has diagnosed stress and anxiety and she has quite severe physical as well s mental symptoms.
We have been waiting months for her to have her assessment with Camhs.
I know they won’t help her because she isn’t suicidal/ self harming. If they do help her the waiting list is fine 18 months for Cbt.
An assessment will be expensive but I feel we need to do something because we are just living week to week and without proper help I can’t see how she will improve.

moochy have you any tips on where to start?

My son went to CAMHS who completely failed him, he WAS self harming & developing an eating disorder, they discharged him anyway ( this was 10 years ago), but the lack of recognition for his issues he received from them made things so much worse. Unfortunately he still has an ED and we found someone privately who sees him, his problems are really ingrained as the ED took root during the 'help' we received from CAMHS.
Yes I would do everything you can. Private care is really the only option with severe problems.

I obtained information on private psychiatrists from my Private healthcare company. Ds's Paediatrician also made suggestions, but they were unfortunately not certified by my insurance company. GPs can make private referrals too and they can help you find a private psychiatrist and a psychologist - who specialises in the area of need. Check out your local private hospital for a list of staff. Many of the staff a Camhs will work privately....you can approach them directly for a consult. Ds's psychiatrist would have referred us on to a psychologist but ds just wanted to take the meds.

But go to someone who is experienced with teens & is recommended. They belong to a specific organisation that recognises the quality of their work.
Honestly, the adult services are no better. Sorry to paint such a negative picture but I can only talk from experience. My son has been in treatment centres all over the country, none have made any difference.
The key is not to let it take root & overtake his life. He may need meds short term to help him get some control back ( I'm imagining he's really scared if he's having meltdowns), you then need someone who can form an opinion of what your DS is struggling with (a skilled psychiatric nurse or a psychiatrist) and then who can move forward with providing & recommending treatment.
If he's still in school that's positive & I would hang onto any positives. Don't be scared of getting help just make sure its help that CAN help. He needs someone experienced & professional who he also gets on with, you might have to try a few people to get the right one but the relationship between them is crucial to successful treatment.

Can I also just say ds is not at all severe and wasn't when he was referred but I felt his anxiety was growing, some of the things he was saying were worrying me and I could not get through to him, some aspects of being at school were starting to worry him and he was starting to engage in avoidance, I was worried that his anxiety was escalating and it was starting to affect the choices he was making, so we acted quickly.
I'd have been laughed out of the GPs if I'd asked for an NHS referral but when you ask for a private referral no one objects - they have no reason to - you aren't using up their resources.

So sorry got the gender wrong! Meant your DD !! So sorry

I can so relate to the posters on this thread. The anxiety & worry you go through, I'm glad that your DD's & DS's are improving - for those that are.
Its a shit system but press on, as I've said we're 10 years on but I'm still here trying not to give up hope ( difficult at times). But honestly? Don't bother with NHS services in my experience with these potentially ongoing & severe problems they don't have the experience or time to get to grips with the issues your teens are facing.
I know I sound pissed off with the system & yh i am, wouldn't wish what we went & are going through on anyone.
But I do know that I'd get private treatment straight away for my DS if I could go back 10 years. But I learned the hard way that the NHS were no help despite having faith that they would come through, they never did.

In my experience it’s hard to find the right person to help . You might find the right person either on the NHS or privately . You might have to try a few people / therapies . Mindfulness gets good results . health is more important than school , good luck

chocolate I’m so sorry your child is suffering too.
Just wanted to say me too!
My daughter was school refusing and we were pushed to pressure her into attending. She was year 7 and took and overdose.
Cahms were rubbish because she goes mute when anxious and nobody could get her to open up. I was told she was manipulating me and offered counselling.

She went to a lovely charity for a while for group therapy (I literally had to carry her through the door and stay with her for 6 months).
It helped.
She doesn’t go to mainstream but a smaller unit.
She’s self harming and her self loathing is something like I’ve never seen! She hates herself so much. She’s beautiful too!!
She’s also very thin which is partly genetics but partly her disordered eating which can have her going a day without anything then scoffing a pizza.
These past 3 years have been the hardest of my life.
When your child is unhappy there’s no way you can be happy.
Un - mumsnetty hugs to you all

If it's possible to manage then I'd recommend the private route. After a lot of research we did this for our teen to help with anxiety/depression.

We found a list of local psychologists accredited by the professional body BACP. The benefits were that there was choice in who were were able to approach (so could look for a good 'fit' with specific experience needed). It was also a comfort to know that if the first few sessions didn't go well there was the opportunity to move elsewhere.

It's been a helpful and successful process for all the family as we have all learnt useful strategies. It has also allowed a level of flexibility that couldn't have been offered going CAMHS route (although the excellent therapist also does work for CAMHS). For example, some sessions are teen only but we can also have family sessions periodically. DC's weekly sessions gave way to twice a month and then once a month as less support was needed over time. After the regular sessions finished there was the open-ended option to arrange a top-up for a specific need (strategies to cope with exam stress before mocks, etc). It meant that it came to an end gradually and to fit in with DC's needs rather than simply because the allocated sessions had run out. You can discuss with the therapist the anticipated number of initial sessions and go from there. Good luck to you and your family - it's a relief to get them the support they need

We've been offered family therapy as well. DD currently sees Camhs once a week, but this due to finish soon. Family therapy would be once a month . Just I am begging for anti d's for her. Apparently the GP can no longer prescribe if the child is under Camhs. ...they have to do it. And are reluctant to do so if the child is under 16. I was in tears on the phone to the counsellor yesterday, practically begging her to prescribe. There is no way I want my 14yo on anti d's, but I'd rather have her alive and here with me, so if that's what it's going to take, i'll do it. Bella....I hear you. My DD is beautiful, inside and out, but her self loathing is like something I've never seen before

It’s just a fucking disgrace. Makes me so angry that we have to fight so hard to be heard.
I had a little cry whilst walking my dogs this morning. 😔

I feel for you Ihatethecold. I started sobbing last night and wasn't sure how to stop. 😢😢

My ponderings this morning have brought me to the conclusion that nobody actually knows how to deal with these MH issues. It's all trial and error as each of our children as come to their places from a different route. Folks are lucky if they stumble across someone whose experience fits. Am I wrong?

It’s just a fucking disgrace. Makes me so angry that we have to fight so hard to be heard. I feel like crying when families are forced to rely on NHS mental services because they can't afford to go private, it is absolutely appalling.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head there 50

whywontthey - thank you. I know it's largely because they are under-funded, but honestly I have never been so angry in my life

justturned50 - think of it like a physical illness - yes exercise is important, but you wouldn't force someone with a back injury to walk - you'd expect them to rest whilst they recover. Yes, learning to think of others is important - but your DS can't be dealing with that right now.

I think the schools play a large part in mental health decline. Maybe I shouldn't generalise, but would like to know what you all think ? Certainly my DD was a lot happier before the stress of gcses. I'm not blaming them fully, not at all, but maybe partly. In my own experience, I'm pretty much blaming DDs school for 70% of it

School is the cause of dd's anxiety as well. It was always there but it got out of control once she had to choose her options. School put so much pressure on her to perform whilst offering mediocre support. They expect dd to do all the accommodating whilst being reluctant to make enough adjustments themselves.
It's only now that she isn't in school they are willing to cut down her timetable, had they done it six months ago when I was asking she might still be in school now. As it stands we need to start from the beginning to get her back into school and that might well take months if she ever does manage it.It is all so bloody unnecessary and has caused real harm to dd.

Yes, I agree flesh....our head is all about the results. Nothing else matters. New head btw....otherwise I would never have put her in her current school. She's reluctant to move, and I can't say I blame her, but I wish (in a warped kind of way) that he'd taken over before Year 10....I could have pulled her out Year 8/9. How did your DD get on today? Did she manage to go in again?

I'm
Feeling that way this week...
I've chased camhs. It's been looked at by the head physiologist who agrees we need urgent help... but we still have to wait until a child is discharged before we get their place... we are running out of time!
DS sits his GCSEs in may. He's not in school and is completing work at home. He's supposed to go in every afternoon after school to take it back. We've succeeded once this week.
We've had every excuse from him you can think of. Today he faked sickness.
But I cannot and darent push him... if I do the suicidal thoughts come.
I'm angry for our children.
I wish I had the money for private help but I'm a single mum... trying to hold my job down, rely on my parents to look after him in the day time... and be a good mum to DD too who is obviously missing out at the min

She has been in but came home with high anxiety and retreated to bed. Maybe three times this week was too much? I know that it means next week is in jeopardy before we even start though. She couldn't do anything in school again just sat and doodled which is her way of managing the anxiety. Looks like it's two steps forward and one back.....

The situation with NHS services truly sucks. Especially CAMHS at the moment. They are under resourced and overwhelmed with increasing demand, and the government still just pays lip service to supporting MH services. Don't get me started on Jeremy Hunt!

I'm not sure why the psychologist hasn't responded to your messages, there might be a legitimate reason. But I wondered why prior to that there was mention about fortnightly sessions? There's no right or wrong frequency but it's typically weekly, especially for CBT and when someone is starting out (might go to fortnightly later on in therapy for a variety of reasons). I'd be curious to know what the rationale was for this.

CBT is the recommended NICE treatment for anxiety (along with meds if required) but there is sometimes a reluctance to prescribe medication to children. CBT is also one of the main recommended psychological approaches for PTSD. That doesn't mean other approaches won't work or be more suited, but it's where most of the evidence has been collected.

A pp was correct in as much as we don't have all the answers. Brains are complicated things that we don't fully understand. However we do have some good and well researched approaches that help a lot of people, including youngsters. So please don't give up hope that things can change. I know it's really really hard!

If you need to look for a different psychologist, try the British Psychological Society website. Some psychologists who do a lot of CBT will be registered with BABCP as well (they have a website), but not being on there doesn't mean they don't or can't do good CBT. The main thing with a clinical psychologist (or counselling psychologist) is that they will take time to formulate and understand the situation first rather than leaping in with an intervention that isn't suitable for the issues at hand. Anxiety has heaps of different causes and different things help different people depending what the causes are.

Wish you and your daughter all the best.

The reason CBT is used is because its cheap and quick for the NHS. It does not work well with all people - if any - especially people who are complex & over think things anyway. There are loads of other therapies available but I think just getting the right person with a rapport with your DD would be a good start 😊

A large secondary school environment is the cause of my dd anxiety and low mood. I hate it, and reading all your posts I hate how common such difficulties are.

Thanks wellbanana.
The psychologist said every two weeks so my dd can practice the cbt.