Has anyone paid for a psychiatric/ psychologist privately for their teen because you know Camhs won’t help with severe anxiety?

[ihatethecold]

My DD’s anxiety is getting progressively worse.
She is struggling at school and this has been going on for well over a year.
She starts her GCSE’s next school year but she is so stressed that she isn’t concentrating at school.
The Gp has diagnosed stress and anxiety and she has quite severe physical as well s mental symptoms.
We have been waiting months for her to have her assessment with Camhs.
I know they won’t help her because she isn’t suicidal/ self harming. If they do help her the waiting list is fine 18 months for Cbt.
An assessment will be expensive but I feel we need to do something because we are just living week to week and without proper help I can’t see how she will improve.

Hi OP

Do you still want to hear from parents who have been through something similar? If so, I will PM you

Yes of course any advice is really helpful.
I’ve taken her out of school for a week to give her a break.

i am not sure if coming out of the NHS service is wise though

You could take a day trip to Birmingham to the Pause centre. They offer free mental health help, advice, consultations, etc. It's a drop-in service, so if you do go, go in the morning.

What do you mean slarty?

We are still on a camhs waiting list. We have weeks to go before she will be seen. They still may not accept her. You have to be suicidal or in crisis where I am in the country.
We had to do something proactive.

sorry, good to remain on waiting list.

Have sent you a PM

I'm so glad one found this thread.... isn't it exhausting?
My son is in year 11... school refusal from Xmas time... he's completing his mocks at home... he's been on meds a few months.
We've had a camhs assessment and he's now waiting for CBT to start.
I just don't know where to turn to or what to do for the best.
School are supportive. But it's the constant phonecalls. Some days up to 5 a day. I feel awful feeling that way as they're being amazing with us.
We are now going in every day after school as of Monday to return mocks or work.
Just to get him through the door.
I've no idea how he will cope with the GCSEs in the summer.
I feel like we are existing day to day.
It's so tough...I just want to make him better. He's such a lovely boy.
To read others experiences on here is helping although I'd wish this on nobody x

I have some experience of this through friends' teens (and my own son in a minor way) and I urge you to get your children's Vit D and B12 levels checked, as a deficiency, especially at this time of year, can really exacerbate anxiety and depression. It is something that can be completely overlooked, although iron deficiencies are often picked up in girls. Teens that get anxious tend to stay indoors more in the summer, and they get less Vitamin D through sunshine when they would be naturally "topped up", so they may need supplements.

Anxiety can also be part of parcel of an undiagnosed spectrum disorder, which is why a clinical pyschologist can offer advice if that is the underlying issue - of course it may not be. I homeschooled Ds Years 8-9, and his anxiety massively improved; he is now back in school and loving it. He has an ASD diagnosis and I suppose we did a lot of homespun CBT/talkthroughs which helped him cope with school ultimately, without the need for formal counselling.

Really helpful thread. My dd13 is extremely anxious, her experience of secondary school as very big, loud and sweary is causing her so much stress on top of the general anxiety around lessons and friends.

She's now got to the point where she tells me she can't do it anymore and thinks of stepping into the road as she goes to school .

I've got the ball rolling with CAMHS but am also thinking about a private psychologist. Dd has had a huge amount to deal with over the last few yearswithher dad being diagnosed Bipolar and us separating.

But school and CAMHS seem adamant that she mustn't miss a day of school, whereas to my mind, the occasional (and it is very occasional) day off for some r and r is therapeutic.

experience of friend's child was that days off school made things worse, until they reached tipping point attendance wise, and school did massive pastoral interventions, allowed to leave classroom whenever they wanted, out of class a lot of time in SEN room, reduced homework etc. But by then it was too late, just going to school had become a trigger. Much better would have been if the school had intervened long before child wanted to stay at home. So I suppose the key is to get the school to help NOW - are there some classes she hates? Can she move into different sets if particular groups are an issue? Can she have someone to check in with every day, or to whom she can go if she feels upset? Is there somewhere to go at lunchtime away from the crowds? these are the things that will make the difference between her coping with school and not coping with school. Some people feel much worse first thing in the morning, and going in at 11 might help, others might cope better going in for just the morning, if they know they can come home at lunch.

To be fair the school have put a lot if these measures in place... She can leave a class, go to matron, go to the library. This has allowed in place for a while but she's still really struggling...

I think it is really worth getting a private psychologist to assess your daughter; I wish my friend had committed to this - I think she ran out of money, and felt money would be better spent on the counselling aspect. Instead she has been battling to get her child into school, organising counselling (which admittedly has helped a little - especially counselling FOR HER) and generally feeling pulled in several directions (too tough, not tough enough, family's fault, child's fault, school's fault, pyschotherapy, family therapy)

I think it is always worth trying to find out just why your child finds school so overwhelming, and perhaps that is something only a clinical pyschologist can do. aCHIPP or something like that is the acronym for accredited pyschologists.

aChiPPP - pyschologists in private practice. My friend's child (15) has been on waiting list for CAHMS for nearly 8 months now

My dd was helped as much as possible by the School. I have a very good relationship with the hoy.
She is allowed to leave a class and go to a place called the hub for respite.
They took away some none essential classes permanently. She changed year half’s. They did everything we asked very quickly.
Her HOY couldn’t have done more.
But it didn’t get rid of the anxiety. The building was still there.
My sil is a child psychologist and she has suggested that my dd only goes back to school to only go to the lessons that she finds the least anxiety inducing for a period of time along with having Cbt sessions with her psychologist every 2 weeks.
She said she will need to practice her cbt in the place that causes the anxiety so she can put into practice what she has learnt.

It's hard isn't it? My sons school have done so much to support him. Offering to go in late... part time... work in student support...
But it's getting him in that building. This is a time when tough love we usually use doesn't work.
I sometimes feel out of control... that everyone is going above And beyond to help but we are still struggling to move forward.
I'm hoping CBT makes a difference. Please someone tell me it works miracles x

Huge sympathy to everyone - we're in the same boat except that dd (aged 14, Yr 9) told us at the start of this term that she categorically would not and could not go back to school. We've spent the last year doing reduced timetables, part time days etc plus six months of CBT with a highly experienced private psychologist (she's not severe enough for CAMHs apparently!) Unfortunately none of this has worked and so with huge reluctance we told her school a few weeks ago that she would not be returning. I found this very difficult as her school really have done everything they can to help her, but sadly this wasn't enough in the end, and we realised that we had no choice other than to start looking for alternatives.

I'm not sure what the future holds for DD at the moment. She was initially very keen to be home-schooled, so she's currently trialing Interhigh (an online virtual school). We're also looking at a very small private school with tiny classes which would probably suit her much better than her huge secondary school. There were lots of different things which she struggled with at her last school which hopefully wouldn't be an issue in a much smaller school.

Best of luck to everyone else who is going through this. I'm sorry I can't say anything which is very positive at this stage other than DD's mood and general well being have improved considerably since we told her that she didn't have to go back to school.

I think that is positive Fenland
That fact she is happier and less stressed is a good thing.
You’re doing good things with her and I appreciate the PM convos from you.

One of my closest friends made a lovely insensitive comment last night.
She works in a sister School to the one my dd is at. She said. I bet the School can’t wait to get rid of her!
I was 🤔😕😦
I’ve texted her today to say how her comments were not good. 😔

Oh wow. The lack of understanding astounds me sometimes.
It's taken me a long time to get my closest to realise how severe this is. Not just hormones, not just refusal for the point if it.
He's a poorly boy.
I'll admit to only telling those that need to know the severity of it really.
I do hope your friend realises her comment wouldn't have helped... the impact on us as families is huge and we need support. Hopefully she didn't realise how hurtful it could be... big hugs...
we are lucky to have this support here x

Thanks Ihatethecold. I'm really glad my pms have been useful - I find it quite cathartic to write about it.

So sorry to hear that one of your closest friends has been completely insensitive. It was a stupid thing to say and I'm sure it's not true anyway. My dh went into my dd's school last week to return her text books etc (I was too upset to go in); he was told that they would miss her and would always welcome her back if she ever wanted to return. I'm sure she won't go back but it was still really nice to hear this.

The thing which really winds me up is when people say to me "well can't you make her go to school," their underlying assumption seems to be that if I was a bit tougher with her she would go in. In reality though, she's 14 not 5 and if she decides that she's not getting out of bed in morning as she can't face going to school, there's absolutely nothing I can do. People who have never been in this situation don't seem to get this, although I'm sure lots of people here understand the position.

Can I just ask how the anxiety presents itself ? My dd has always been a bit nervous and she gets worried about a lot of stuff at school . I'm not sure if I should be doing something to help her .
She is in year 9 and predicted excellent grades but I think her nerves may get in the way .

It makes me so annoyed that these kids are not getting help because their anxiety is not "enough". That they need to be suicidal or in crisis before they are helped is well beyond too late, it's just shameful.
Sportyfool I think lots of kids feel the pressure of expectations to succeed academically but that doesn't mean they suffer from anxiety - I reached out to external help when ds started avoiding things because he was worried, getting upset/tearful, over thinking issues and I couldn't reassure him - these changes were all new, maybe just normal growing up stuff or maybe the start of something more menacing, I didn't;t want to take the chance.

She has apologised for her comments.