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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Caught my DD watching porn!

139 replies

candicemerlot · 21/08/2017 19:36

Hello mums! So my DD, 16, has a laptop. My DH has installed K9 Web Protection on her laptop, so this blocks certain things such as pornography, certain youtube videos with age filters, gambling, violence, drugs etc.
Now she had left her laptop downstairs the other day, and I went on it to search for some caravans as my laptop was upstairs. When I began to search it came up with a list of suggestions that were very x rated? I went on her history and she had been visiting sites like xhamster and pornmd and watching only what I can describe as 'hard' pornography? Now if she was 18, I would not care, but it's the fact she's underage and I do wonder if 16 is too young? I get that kids do things now out of curiosity, and I am a very liberal parent, but the material she had been watching is in no way suitable for a 16 year old.
Also, I do not understand how she got on to these sites as when I tried accessing them on her laptop it was saying it was blocked? Now I am not tech savvy like the modern kids, so I don't understand how she did this? I want to tell DH but don't want to worry him.

Please mums say this is a regular thing, just don't want my DD to grow up too fast! Sad

OP posts:
titchy · 23/08/2017 07:43

So ketchup do you think every female in a porn film is enjoying herself? Do you acknowledge that some/most have been coerced at best?

Ketchup123 · 23/08/2017 07:51

But Titchy, it's like anything else. If you're worried about exploitation, watch more ethical porn. There's a whole ton of feminist porn, or unionised porn where the couple involved chat to the camera beforehand. Your concerns have been catered for - it seems that you just missed that part, perhaps because you're not really involved with watching porn.

Showandtell · 23/08/2017 08:03

I think if you were keen to watch porn, you probably would figure that out yourself. It's a huge industry. Can't see how it's added much to society myself, but, meh.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 23/08/2017 08:12

Despite 95% of porn being made for men by men, ketchup wants to pretend it's all perfectly female friendly. He doesn't want to hear about exploitation or coercion. He doesn't want to hear about how it affects girls in our schools. He doesn't want to hear that more and more extreme porn is demanded. He probably thinks it's great that young women report that more extreme sex acts are routinely demanded of them.

From an earlier post, he also seems to think if a woman doesn't use porn she can't have sexual fantasies or orgasms. Grin

Poor ketchup.

Ketchup123 · 23/08/2017 08:18

histiny You seem to be under the mistaken impression that I'm a man. Just clearing it up for you - I'm a woman. Lots of us enjoy porn.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 23/08/2017 08:20

I am surprised. I didnt think a woman would post some of the stupid things you've posted.

Ketchup123 · 23/08/2017 08:22

Um. Ok.

Ketchup123 · 23/08/2017 08:24

I suppose the point I'm making is that the OP's DD will find the porn that suits her tastes - there really is a whole lot out there.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 23/08/2017 08:29

Yeah, let's pretend the porn industry is not overwhelmongly misogynistic and let's pretend porn culture is not having a negative affect on young people's lives.

Ketchup123 · 23/08/2017 08:34

People like porn. You can't pearl-clutch your way out of that. If you're interested in making the culture include things that you like/find acceptable, then by all means - dive right in! Have a ball! Head in the sand thinking and tarring the whole industry with the same brush really weakens your argument, especially when you come across as a little naive/a lot hysterical.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 23/08/2017 08:36

Hysterical - the misogynists favourite way to describe women they don't like.

Could you not have included shrill?

TinyRick · 23/08/2017 08:41

Men love using the word 'hysterical'

Especially when it is in relation to a women's concerns/thoughts/words.

Ketchup123 · 23/08/2017 08:42

I don't really know what other word to use - I'm sure there is a better one! I mean kind of panicking and worst-case-scenario thinking and over-reacting. Perhaps I should have used one of those phrases instead - my apologies for causing offense with the word hysterical.

Ketchup123 · 23/08/2017 08:43

Is there a good (non-gendered) word that sums that up?

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 23/08/2017 08:45

An interesting perspective here:

www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/the-james-deen-porn-scandal-is-so-much-worse-than-whats-being-reported

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 23/08/2017 08:47

In what way are people on this thread "panicking"?

histinyhandsarefrozen · 23/08/2017 08:47

Yes I am in a terrible panic, worst-case scenario thinking and over-reacting while clutching my pearls both naively and hysterically.

In complete contrast to you: so worldly, so sensible, so calm!

TinyRick · 23/08/2017 08:51

If you find one, Ketchup go tell these ex porn actresses that they are being it.

[[http://fightthenewdrug.org/10-porn-stars-speak-openly-about-their-most-popular-scenes/]]

titchy · 23/08/2017 08:52

How about the word concern?

Concern about the hugely exploitative nature of the industry (a handful of ethical producers doesn't negate that fact); concern about the effect it has on our young people.

Not one person here has said it's abnormal. Not one person has clutched their pearls and said the dd in question should be locked away and all Internet removed forever. No one has said only pervs use porn.

Everyone has said educate your dd, be aware of the harm that can be done, and several helpful posters have pointed us in the direction of useful resources to get that conversation going.

None of that is remotely pearl clutchy or hysterical. Just sound, aware, parenting advice.

Fartypant · 23/08/2017 09:03

I watched porn as a teenager, around aged 14/5 to probably 18. I watched it with my boyfriend, and before that a couple of bit-friends

I think it is REALLY damaging. Especially in those formative years, when you have little normal-sex for comparison/context.

I'm pretty sure it messed up my attitude to sex/relationships for years

It's really gross. I don't care how common it is or how many people enjoy it. It's really toxic

Fartypant · 23/08/2017 09:04

And YY, outwardly I'm 'well rounded' and 'successful'; the effects don't manifest in those ways, do they?

mogulfield · 23/08/2017 09:18

Unfortunately she's probably been watching it for years. I first watched porn at 11, and it has definitely had an adverse affect on how I view sex and what turns me on. Unfortunately the stuff I watched was hard core.
The problem is you can be strict at home but it takes one kid with a smart phone at school and they'll see it.

Showandtell · 23/08/2017 10:12

How DID people have fulfilling sex lives before the internet??? I mean before they could watch porn which apparently is the cornerstone of a healthy sex life (according to ketchup)