Caught my DD watching porn!

[candicemerlot]

Hello mums! So my DD, 16, has a laptop. My DH has installed K9 Web Protection on her laptop, so this blocks certain things such as pornography, certain youtube videos with age filters, gambling, violence, drugs etc.
Now she had left her laptop downstairs the other day, and I went on it to search for some caravans as my laptop was upstairs. When I began to search it came up with a list of suggestions that were very x rated? I went on her history and she had been visiting sites like xhamster and pornmd and watching only what I can describe as 'hard' pornography? Now if she was 18, I would not care, but it's the fact she's underage and I do wonder if 16 is too young? I get that kids do things now out of curiosity, and I am a very liberal parent, but the material she had been watching is in no way suitable for a 16 year old.
Also, I do not understand how she got on to these sites as when I tried accessing them on her laptop it was saying it was blocked? Now I am not tech savvy like the modern kids, so I don't understand how she did this? I want to tell DH but don't want to worry him.

Please mums say this is a regular thing, just don't want my DD to grow up too fast!

I just think perhaps parents should try not to over-react when their child watches it.

I don't think anyone suggested over-reacting or telling her she's abnormal But a conversation around the difference between sex with a partner you care for and what you see on Pornhub would be wise. Most teen girls now think they HAVE to shave everything off, do anal, have their hair pulled and their partner spunk all over their face. They don't.

crazyhorse...but research on porn shows that it doesn't have a crossover effect. For example, increased porn use (geographically) is associated with lower rates of sexual assault/rape. There's lots of really well-conducted research on this topic. I don't mean to sound patronising, but Google Scholar is a great resourse for this.

Mumsnetters seem unusually upset about porn use (particularly their husbands' porn use). IMO, the marital difficulties it causes on here come from the mumsnetter's upset with it, rather than the actual use of it. Almost all men and the vast majority of women use porn (again, freely available stats).

I'm sorry I can't post the links to high quality research right now, but I'd say you'll be able to find good papers on this fairly easily.

but I'd say you'll be able to find good papers on this fairly easily.

In that case, please do post the links to this high quality research which proves that increased porn use is not damaging to individuals or their relationships. Because if this is the case, I am fascinated to read up on it, as everything I have read suggests different.

I notice you haven't commented on the treatment of women in porn, the use of trafficked women, the incidences of rape or coerced participation in porn. Just offered a straw man about sweatshops in Primark - which would be valid were this a thread about clothes shopping.

but research on porn shows that it doesn't have a crossover effect.

Incorrect. HTH

Again, I don't mean to be patronising (though I realise this may sound it), but I genuinely think it would be more useful for you to look up this research yourself. I think Google Scholar would be a good place to start. Have fun!

I have never watched porn! Proper porn!

I've read a couple of erotic books!

I have lots of orgasms and a healthy sex life!

I have talked to my dd about the shit she might or does see on the internet and said those bodies aren't normal.

I actually believe that it is possible to have a happy, fulfilling sex life and many orgasms and masturbation and the lot without watching porn. I looked at some pics on the internet once and found them a gross turn off. Plastic women gagging for it up the arse! no thanks!

I genuinely think it would be more useful for you to look up this research yourself

Ah, yes the response that means "I don't have a fucking clue how to prove the bollocks I'm talking so am going to send you off to find this non-existent high quality research instead."

Thanks for the offer, but please - prove the argument you presented yourself. Have fun!

Touche newcross

Ketchup - I'm sure if you read some actual real research you'd find it fascinating. I can recommend Google Scholar.

Ketchup123
For example, increased porn use (geographically) is associated with lower rates of sexual assault/rape.

🤦🏻‍♀️ Wow, so I guess you think we should be encouraging our young adults to watch porn as it helps protect society from sexual assault and rape. This type of correlation is NEVER as simple as places that watch more porn have less sexual assaults/rapes etc. There are too many variables.

Ketchup couldn't sound more 'male' if he tried.

Bit creepy to come on here and try and normalise hardcore porn for a 16yo

Accusing Ketchup of being a man is misguided and serves no purpose except to shut her up. Many women enjoy "kink" which is why "Fifty shades of grey" is so popular. Almost 50% of women watch porn on a regular basis. Most of us are just too afraid or too busy to admit it, especially in a forum like MN, where many posters claim not be "prudes" but really are (or are just pretending to be outraged because it's politically correct).

Btw, 16yo is not too young to enjoy porn. And you don't have to be a man or a moron to know that.

I see all the porn supporters on this thread are very deliberately avoiding addressing the question of trafficked, coerced, abused and exploited women. I guess if that's what turns you on, that's OK, is it?

(or are just pretending to be outraged because it's politically correct).

I don't suppose it's occurred to you that some women might genuinely be outraged by the above? Not a number of women on this thread, obviously, because it's clear some of them don't give a fuck how the porn gets to their screens as long as it gets there, but some women?

I see all the porn supporters on this thread are very deliberately avoiding addressing the question of trafficked, coerced, abused and exploited women. I guess if that's what turns you on, that's OK, is it?

Exploitation of human beings is wrong.

Wasn't "deliberately" avoiding this issue, just thought that it is self-evident that it is wrong. But then I am not here trying to save the world. Just a mom trying her best to raise healthy, happy dds who are comfortable with their own sexual preferences, kink or not.

Some people think it's important for young people's sexual development that they don't get to discover their sexuality with their own fantasies and exploring with their peers but by regularily watching porn made for money for a market that demands increasingly aggressive acts against women.
These people want girls to feel that violence against them is normal and sexy.
They want young women to feel they can't say no to anything because 'everyone does it'. It's important to them that young women know their place as fuck things.
These people think anyone who is uneasy about this is a prude or a liar.
(Shrug) What can you do?

I am just going to pop this here for people to take a peek into the problems pornography has on our dc.

Hey, I'm just a busy mum, don't ask me to think deeply about things.

Just a mom trying her best to raise healthy, happy dds who are comfortable with their own sexual preferences, kink or not.

And the wonderful thing about being a parent with a voice is that you can do the above AND explain that sex porn is not remotely realistic, that their views and feelings matter, and that any sort of sex with someone who respects you is wonderful, but that what they see in porn does not represent that and that porn is at best exploitative and at worst abusive to the women it features.

Great link Occamsrazor.

ketchup - I don't care what 'research' has been done . I have seen and heard the evidence for myself. I have worked with teenagers and so has my partner, very closely, and with their families and seen the way porn screws up the perceptions of teenagers and does immense damage. It has become normal for girls as young as 12 to be asked to perform sex acts and film them on their phones to send to boys who then pass these on to their 'mates'. Normal for teenage girls to feel any body hair is disgusting, normal for teenage boys to ask girls to do things they have seen watching porn, and then for the girls to feel too uncomfortable to refuse. It results in depression , self harm, eating disorders. It also leads young men to talk about women in disparaging terms which upsets and humiliates them. None of this is normal and does not promote happiness or fulfilment for anyone.

Excellent article, 0ccamsRazor.

And the wonderful thing about being a parent with a voice is that you can do the above AND explain that sex porn is not remotely realistic, that their views and feelings matter, and that any sort of sex with someone who respects you is wonderful, but that what they see in porn does not represent that and that porn is at best exploitative and at worst abusive to the women it features.

Exactly titchy -- not mutually exclusive. And like I said, it's about raising dds with enough confidence to say "no" when it's not their cup of tea.

Although any sort of sex with someone who respects you is wonderful, but that what they see in porn does not represent that -- is personal and not necessarily true, since "any sort of sex" could include some "kink" featured in porn.

Most porn isn't 'kink' - kink is mutual, both partners agree and respect each others boundaries.

That does NOT happen in porn. The women are not enjoying lovely kinky sex. You're kidding yourself if you think the women lying there smiling with five men jizzing on their faces, being anally and vaginally penetrated while someone whips their arse are actively enjoying themselves. They are being abused.

So you think the men in porn respect the women, do you?

www.theguardian.com/culture/2015/dec/04/how-stoya-took-on-james-deen-and-broke-the-porn-industrys-silence

It sounds like most of the people here complaining about porn content don't actually watch porn. There's lots where men are dom, lots where a woman dominates a man, lots of straightforward sex (including some fairly sweet amateur couple sex), lots just featuring a man going down on a woman - you find what you like! Y'all seem quite fixated on one particular type of fantasy (a man dominating a woman). There's nothing wrong with that as a fantasy, but if that doesn't do it for you, just use a different search term.

I don't want to watch porn. Is that OK?

She is now a very well adjusted 17 year old high school senior who has lots of friends, is a varsity athlete and is in the top 5% academically of her class of 600 seniors. Your DD is fine. Probably has been watching (and more?) for a very long time already

Nothing to do with your daughter watching potn. Other factors are at play. Pointless putting that in.