Schools attitude to sharing indecent images

[Greengirl3803]

Hi everyone- my daughter was pressured into providing nudes to a boy who then showed it all around school.
The police are investigating and a crime has been admitted and recorded.
The School refuse to exclude him, he's currently suspended, my daughter is now on medication and receiving therapy for the effects of his actions. She can't face going to school if he is there. So it looks like she will have to move. The School are completely unsupportive.
Does anyone have a similar experience- how have their schools behaved?
Thanks so much for any advice/info xxx

This happened to one of DD's friends. An ex bf shared some photos of her with his mates. School did nothing really. He was spoken to but no suspension and the girl brazened it out.

How old is she? And how old is he?

He's suspended? That is an exclusion. I'm confused.
Your poor daughter. How old is she and have you addressed the issue of her caving to pressure about something so important?
Unfortunately it is nigh on bloody impossible for schools to permanently exclude pupils. Use of a weapon or drug dealing at school might cover it.
Were the pictures shared at school?

Hi - DD 13, boy 15.

All shared in and out of school

I'm sure you are dealing with it for me a bigger issue would be dd sending pictures of herself that she wouldn't want her mum/grandma to see!

I think as well as wanting the boy punished you need to sit down and talk about how she really shouldn't be pressured into sending anything she doesn't want to and that that's what the block buttons are for.

My DD has now agreed to spyware going on her phone and of course we have spoken about blocking, pressure, appropriateness etc. 13, vulnerable and blackmailed - mistakes get made

Suspended pending police investigation outcome.
We want permanent exclusion not temporary!

There are really strict rules around what a school can and cannot do for a permanent exclusion, and this may not be severe enough to allow them to exclude.
Or they may be waiting for the police investigation to finish, bear in mind there is a limit to what they can tell you about another child.

Technically both kids have broken the law. It is illegal to posses indecent images of under 18s, even of yourself, and it is illegal to distribute them (send them to others). In most cases the police do not prosecute when both involved are so young, so he may end up with a caution.

There are lots of guidelines about how a school should behave in this context. Try googling CEOP and seeing what their current guidelines are. If the school aren't following them they you could print them off and show them. If the school won't address it, write a letter to chair of governors explaining the concern, including the guidelines.

I am actually a bit torn on this. My feeling in these situations is that the whole school/year group needs to have better teaching etc about photos, the law and respect. The school should have a policy about what they do (it is good practice to consider all cyberbullying the schools responsibility whether it took place during school hours or out pf school). The boy needs a bollocking and a reality check. Not absolutely sure he needs permanent exclusion.
However, as she is 13 and he is 15, I would be more concerned and more likely to want to exclude him.

I am sorry. You might want permanent exclusion but I agree with steppe. There are incredibly strict rules about why children can be excluded. There are also strict procedures to follow.
Focus on how the school can best support your daughter and keep her safe.
Let the police deal with it.

School have handed it over to the police and sat back. He was one of a group of 4 boys who are yet to be investigated.
School refuse to do any more than they have done in past PHSE lessons. Their approach to DD has been to forget it and carry on. They have no plan for when he returns as to how to support her

So arrange a meeting and ask what their plan is. What would she like to happen?
He's done a bloody awful thing but I can't believe that at 13 she didn't realise sending these pictures was a very bad idea.

the phrase you need is
"how are you going to safeguard my child"

They have to provide evidence that she will be safe. Given the age difference, it is not unreasonable to think that she is vulnerable to further bullying.
You need to stop trying to get him excluded, which will get you nowhere with school, and start getting them to implement their policies with relation to your dd.

So get a copy of their bullying policy
Get a copy of CEOP best practice for schools
Get a copy of anything they have written wrt cyberbullying.

Think carefully about what you need for your daughter to feel safe.
for example, she is scared to go to canteen in case he is there. The school can insist he is segregated at lunchtime for her safetly. (if it is her who is offered the safe place to eat lunch, that is victim blaming)
BUT this cannot continue for ever. So for a few months until everything settles down.
Also, consider requesting a letter of apology. Make it clear that there are a group of 4 boys involved.

Also bear in mind she is KS3 and he must be KS4, so they are not that likely to cross paths that much during the day.

I understand why you are so cross, you poor dd has been shamed in front of the whole school.
BUT you are laying all of the blame at his door, and it really isn't that simple. She is goign to have to accept that the result of her choice is that she is now in this situation. If the police were to press charges against both of them, would you want her to be permanently excluded?

Your daughter is partly to blame.

There's been some victim blaming on this thread but this is the worst of it. She is not to blame for this boy pressuring her to send these images then betraying her trust and sharing them around.

Bad enough girls are growing up being sexualised and objectified at such a young age without being blamed by adults for being affected by all the pressure and messages that their worth is their body.

She is goign to have to accept that the result of her choice is that she is now in this situation.

No, the situation is a result of the boy's choice to pressure a girl younger than him (not that it'd be acceptable whatever her age) to send explicit images then proceed to share them around intending to humiliate her.

No victim blaming as it isn't my place BUT are you aware that she has broken the law too? Taking indecent images of a child under 18 and sharing them (even when it is YOURSELF) could get you placed on the sex offenders register. I would make your daughter aware of this as I don't think enough young people realise that this is also one of the consequences of taking these photographs.

the boy's choice to pressure a girl younger than him

That is her side of it - is there an email or message trail showing this pressure?

The whole issue with this is that it is not really a school matter - in that she would have not been at school when she sent it and he probably wasn't at school when he sent it.
The phone's are the responsibility of the parent that signed the contract. Therefore parental responsibility - not schools to discuss what Can or can't be sent. Why should they do more than us in PSHE lessons - you gave her the phone and some is your responsibility - you have not educated her well enough.
The only thing that involves the school is that the children attend it.
It is with the police and they will deal
With it as they see fit.

Tired sorry that reads really badly but I am sure you get the gist and random apostrophe (auto placed)
Am knackered and can't sleep

The victim and parent blaming is pretty ugly

Just to correct some inaccuracies- victims who are coerced do not commit a criminal offence and do not have a crime recorded against them nor an entry made in the sex offenders register .
So no my daughter is not a criminal she is a victim

School have handed it over to the police and sat back.

Of course they did! They're not getting involved in an active police investigation!

Your DD is the victim. She is too young to be seen as anything but a victim.

Complain to the governors. Make them aware of the law/age thing

YY to coercion. The idea that she "chose" to send the photos is skewing this thread.

If she sent the image(s) to him out of the blue, then she would have chosen to and that would be different.

Pressure = coercion.