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Original poster

Schools attitude to sharing indecent images

183 replies

Greengirl3803 · 08/06/2017 15:30

Hi everyone- my daughter was pressured into providing nudes to a boy who then showed it all around school.
The police are investigating and a crime has been admitted and recorded.
The School refuse to exclude him, he's currently suspended, my daughter is now on medication and receiving therapy for the effects of his actions. She can't face going to school if he is there. So it looks like she will have to move. The School are completely unsupportive.
Does anyone have a similar experience- how have their schools behaved?
Thanks so much for any advice/info xxx

OP posts:
2014newme · 13/06/2017 11:41

Nobody is saying the girl is solely responsible. But she took the pictures and sent them to the boy. They were both involved, neither of them solely.
If you don't want naked pictures distributing of yourself, don't create and send them.

Notreallyarsed · 13/06/2017 11:47

Blaming a 13 yo kid who made a mistake is disgusting. This boy made a choice, to share images which he knew he shouldn't have shared. The two aren't remotely in the same league.

Jesus but I'm glad I made my mistakes as a kid before social media and camera phones!

OP, I'm sorry you and your family are going through such a horrific time. I hope that the right thing is done in the end and that your DD can move forward without fear or shame. Tell her from me, we all fuck up at some point or other, she'll be ok. ❤️

2014newme · 13/06/2017 11:47

Perhaps the boy is also a 13 year old who made a mistake!

Notreallyarsed · 13/06/2017 11:48

The boy is 15 and he made the choice to spitefully share photos amongst his friends. That's not a mistake, that's cruel.

coldcanary · 13/06/2017 11:48

Well this is a new low for this site - a Child has been humiliated and bullied but it's her own fault? Big round of applause for the revolting, sanctimonious, victim blaming adults on here.. Hmm
Op honestly a fresh start for your DD might be the best thing to happen tbh, get her away and settled into a school that takes it more seriously. Talk to her, help her be stronger to resist anymore attempts at bullying and coercion Flowers

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 11:58

The lengths some posters are going to excuse a boy who shared private images of a girl knowing it was wrong and intending to cause humiliation and harassment are shocking.

BloodWorries · 13/06/2017 12:15

If the girl was coerced into sending these pictures then obviously she's not in the wrong. However we don't know what the OP means by 'pressured' or why this pressure managed to force or persuade this 13 year old into taking and sending inappropriate photos of herself to a boy. Why was she talking to him in the first place? How did she send the pictures? Why isn't her phone being more closely monitored? Why didn't she feel able to come to her parents/a teacher and show the messages containing the blackmail?

So much all going on at once.

People saying that it's not the girls fault for sending the pictures, as she's just a kid making a mistake, yet the boy is totally in the wrong and should be punished/excluded/on sex offenders register etc for sharing them... how does that work.
One child takes pictures of herself and sends them, another child receives them and shows them to his mates and sends the on... To me two kids making terrible decisions and both need a talking to about how stupid they have been. Police to scare them into never doing something so stupid again and scaring their friends/rest of school so they all know not to follow in this behaviour.

If the boy forced the girl into sending them then that's a whole different kettle of fish and he needs sorting out.

coldcanary · 13/06/2017 12:21

A boy making the decision to share pictures with his friends isn't making a mistake he's making a conscious decision to abuse and humiliate a younger girl. Presumably he didn't accidentally press send?
If my teen boy made that decision I'd be disgusted with him.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 12:23

To equate a girl sending explicit photographs of herself with a boy choosing to share them, betraying trust and intending to shame, humiliate and subject the girl to harassment and bullying is ridiculous and incredibly misogynistic. Anything to blame the girl and excuse the boy's abhorrent actions as a "mistake".

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 12:24

If my teen boy made that decision I'd be disgusted with him.

Quite. If either of my brothers did I'd be sickened and disgusted with them, I'd certainly not want to be around them, let alone how it'd feel for the girl who'd be the victim.

Caprianna · 13/06/2017 12:40

We still do not know why this girl shared the photos and what happened and OP has not come back

coldcanary · 13/06/2017 12:59

We still don't know why the boy chose to share the images but apparently that's not an issue?

Caprianna · 13/06/2017 13:04

Noone is saying that is not an issue

coldcanary · 13/06/2017 13:09

So why is it only the girls actions being questioned? Nobody should have images of themselves shared without consent - this is a 13 year old girl. A child. Prodding around about how the coercion happened is meaningless - the boy should not have shared the images.

HappyLollipop · 13/06/2017 13:21

I feel for you and your DD but I'm not sure there's much more the school can do as he's been suspended and there's an police investigation ongoing. You said your DD is 13 and this boy is 15 so I take it they're not in the same year so they should have no reason to talk to one another and generally be kept apart.

Caprianna · 13/06/2017 13:21

He is already suspended. Do you think a teen boy receiving such photos of a girl will not share with his mates? Of course he will hence not a good idea to send naked photos of yourself. At 13 you usually know this.

coldcanary · 13/06/2017 13:23

So boys will be boys then? 🙄
Unbelievable.
OP I hope all goes well with your DD, it's obviously a horrible time for her and you xx
I'm out.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 13:31

Do you think a teen boy receiving such photos of a girl will not share with his mates? Of course he will

You have a pretty low opinion of boys then. Neither of my brothers would and if they did I'd be disgusted with them. No boys I'm friends with would.

There is no excuse or mitigation for any boy or man who shares explicit images of women or girls without consent. This boy has knowingly betrayed the trust of the OP's daughter and sought to humiliate her, shame her and ensure she's subjected to bullying and taunts. It's abhorrent so many are seeking to excuse that and blame the victim.

Caprianna · 13/06/2017 13:41

I have a low opinion of boys who ask girls to share naked photos. If I was a 13 year girl I would assume the potential for him sharing was there unless I was born yesterday. Teens know what goes on on social media.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 13:57

Yet more ridiculous victim blaming showing no comprehension or empathy for the culture and environment girls are growing up in.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 13:58

Some boys and men post photographs of girls they know they've taken from Facebook on pornographic sites and well known misogynist forums. Is that girls' fault for having photographs on Facebook then?

2014newme · 13/06/2017 14:04

@noloveofmine it's not the same as the girls in your example didn't send naked photos of themselves.
Everyone is agreed the boy should not have shared the photos. But the girl shouldn't have taken them and given them to him. They are both at fault, joint enterprise.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 14:10

They are not both at fault. One shared photographs privately. The other betrayed trust, shared the photographs without consent intending to humiliate, shame and cause trauma. To try to equate the two is victim blaming and misogyny.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 14:11

And the point of my example was to show the problem isn't girls or women but the boys and men who do this. The motivation is entirely misogynistic and to demean women and girls. Making excuses, victim blaming or suggesting it's inevitable all perpetuates this abhorrent behaviour.

Caprianna · 13/06/2017 14:17

And girls are not just gullible victims lured by boys to send them naked photos which is why having the full story is important here.