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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Schools attitude to sharing indecent images

183 replies

Greengirl3803 · 08/06/2017 15:30

Hi everyone- my daughter was pressured into providing nudes to a boy who then showed it all around school.
The police are investigating and a crime has been admitted and recorded.
The School refuse to exclude him, he's currently suspended, my daughter is now on medication and receiving therapy for the effects of his actions. She can't face going to school if he is there. So it looks like she will have to move. The School are completely unsupportive.
Does anyone have a similar experience- how have their schools behaved?
Thanks so much for any advice/info xxx

OP posts:
EmilyBiscuit · 13/06/2017 21:52

I have taught pshe on exactly this. There is some emphasis on not sending images (as it is unacceptable for children to take and send naked pictures of themselves) but mostly it is about the abhorrent behaviour of a person who would choose to share pictures and the illegality of doing so - full on "you could end up on the sex offender register" tactics. I try my absolute best to make it clear how in these cases it is ALWAYS the sharer who is to blame, but I can't pretend that it is okay for a child to make and send the pictures either, even if the pictures aren't spread further. It is genuinely the hardest thing I have ever had to teach. I really don't know the answer.

I would like to think that if a child was convicted of a crime against another child at the same school the offender would be permanently excluded. Not sure that would happen though.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 21:53

I think it sounds like you're doing an excellent job EmilyBiscuit. It must be extremely difficult but it reassures me someone like you is teaching on this in such a way.

MaisyPops · 13/06/2017 21:57

Sorry to hear what has happened.

School have suspended him pending police investigation.

It is almost impossible to get a permanent exclusion (as other posters have said). There's a protocol and often it will involve multiple fixed term exclusions, managed moves to other schools in the area, time at a pupil referral unit.

RebelRogue · 13/06/2017 21:58

What does bug me and I noticed in a few schools though is the focus on "stranger danger". More than once i had to intervene in talks (feeling like a twat) and mention friends,boyfriends,people whom you think you can trust. They grownups look annoyed ,the kids look horrified that it could be someone they know. I don't give a shit,because in most cases it is someone they know ...

MaisyPops · 13/06/2017 22:03

I would agree rebel.
We spend a lot of time during our own sex and relationships education warning about coercion, pressure to send images, sexting etc.
It's quite frustrating when external groups do sessions and focus on sharing images with strangers online. Almost all the situations I've encountered have been with boyfriends/girlfriends of similar ages.

EmilyBiscuit · 13/06/2017 22:03

Thanks for saying that, nolove, but I'm not particularly special - there are lots of teachers like me who worry about this stuff too. Many are parents themselves.

The problem in OPs situation comes down to what a school can and can't exclude for. IMO it should be very simple - convicted a crime against a fellow pupil and you should be out.

rebel, many schools have moved away from stranger danger (in secondary at least). We have people in to talk about abusive relationships and they are really good at the job. They cover the cycle of abusive relationships, how to spot if you / a friend are in one and where to go for help. In my area most schools seem to be taking this stuff seriously.

EmilyBiscuit · 13/06/2017 22:05

By "moved away" I don't mean "fail to teach". I just mean that we try to ensure that significant weight is given to teaching how these crimes can be committed by someone we know, or even love.

FrancisCrawford · 13/06/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 22:09

Thank you very much Francis.

Emily I've no doubt the majority of teachers are also worried about this kind of thing but you are, in my opinion, teaching in exactly the right manner.

MaisyPops · 13/06/2017 22:11

emily
Your message is like ours.

  1. Do not send inappropriate images of yourself and report anyone who tries to push you.
  2. That sharing those images is a criminal offence.

Whilst we would never victim blame somebody in thr OP'S child's situation, part of education in this area is about discouraging the images from being taken in the first place.

Them we go to town on the 'if you do receive one'... and go through the severity of the offence.

Agree with you on exclusion to. It's not a case of someone wanting somebody excluded. There's procedure before permanent exclusion.

Piratesandpants · 13/06/2017 22:22

They were both at fault. I can't believe that some people have the view that because she's a girl she can't possibly be at fault at all and is, essentially, a poor, defenceless victim with no responsibility for any of her behaviour (unless he physically forced her...?). For heaven's sake, that sort of view of a 13 year old girl's behaviour is so sexist. Naive and a poor decision, yes.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 13/06/2017 22:24

The law states that it is illegal to take, store or share such images of children. However a child who has been talked into taking a photo will not be guilty of any crime. Children under 12/13 are considered particularly vulnerable and faultless. Correctly so.

EmilyBiscuit · 13/06/2017 22:26

I think part of the challenge, maisy, that some teachers see pshe as a unimportant. It isn't examined so is a waste of time. Within my own year group there are so other 3 teachers who take it seriously, but one who thinks it is a waste of time. It isn't examined, ofsted don't care, so some crap teachers aren't bothered.

Also, in my first school i saw the sexting assembly given by a deputy head (responsible for safeguarding) who could not bring himself to sat the word 'naked'. How the hell can kids disclose to a teacher who has shown him/herself to be uncomfortable with the language? I teach science, so I can say penis, vagina and breast without flinching so I'm a bit intolerant of those who can't. If you can't say the words to properly communicate to the children, get someone else in to do it. I don't care if it costs money - some things are too important.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 22:27

with no responsibility for any of her behaviour (unless he physically forced her...?)

Remarkably similar (if not identical) language to that often used in cases of sexual violence. Also abhorrent here.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 13/06/2017 22:28

It has nothing to do with sex. Its irrelevant if its a 13 year old boy or 13 year old girl who had taken and shared an indecent image of themselves.

Amaried · 13/06/2017 22:31

Op
I think your issue here might be around when the images were shared, if the pics weren't taken or shared during school day, it will be very difficult to exclude based on behaviour which has not happened in school. I think you should prepare yourself for the idea that he might not be excluded.
Hope it all blows over soon for ye both

Piratesandpants · 13/06/2017 22:34

No love - should the outcome of this be that she learns that she was in no way responsible at all in the situation and had no control? That would be great for her future Hmm

EmilyBiscuit · 13/06/2017 22:37

pirate, I would imagine that the OPs DD has learned that sometimes actions leave us open to someone committing a crime against us. Doesn't mean she is to blame though.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 22:37

She's not responsible for the situation. As I wasted about 50% of my phone battery posting numerous times today, the boy who betrayed her trust and spread her photos around with the intention of humiliating, shaming and subjecting her to bullying and harassment is. You are blaming a 13 year old girl for the actions of someone else and showing no understanding of the hypersexualised culture girls are subjected to from such a young age, bombarded with messages telling them their worth is their body and the approval of boys and men.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 22:40

Emily /Maisie we had a brilliant assembly by the police about this and they showed a video that was fabulous. I will see if I can find it - I have shown it since to my form (every time I hear a rumour!). We do what we can at schools but I still think some responsibility lies with parents to reiterate the message and know what their kids are up to (DS is 13 and I regularly check his phone and his photos are streamed to mine. Mainly silly memes about computer games)
Nolove thanks for the apology - I have not victim blamed at all.

MaisyPops · 13/06/2017 22:45

Same emily.
What teenagers need are safe adults who come across as the kind of person they could speak to.

pirates I see where you are coming from, but that phrasing is unhelpful given the situation.
Yes, we should be teaching boys and girls not to be sending inappropriate images of themselves. We do tell our students they are responsible for content they create (be it social media, texts, photos etc).
But, the person who is responsible for this situation is the boy who shared it.

There will be a time for reminding the girl where to turn/who to speak to should she feel pressured & advising against creating such images again. But now is not the time for that. She needs support.

Piratesandpants · 13/06/2017 22:46

She had and has control over her own decisions and behaviour. Telling her it was all his fault and she is merely a helpless victim is simply wrong. As I said they are both to blame. He shouldn't have shared the images (unless of course he was pressured by others and is therefore too a victim Hmm).

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 22:48

Again, remarkably similar language to the victim blaming which often rears its head in cases of sexual violence. Abhorrent determination to blame a young girl for being the victim of a crime.

MaisyPops · 13/06/2017 22:49

nolove Me victim blaming?

I hope it doesn't sound that way. That's not at all what I'm suggesting.

EmilyBiscuit · 13/06/2017 22:51

If you could find it purple that would be awesome. I would really appreciate more resources to help me teach this subject.

It is hard with teenagers because sometimes they just roll their eyes and assume adults don't understand their world. It's the classic 'you were never my age' line. But I hope at least some of the message gets through. much like my exam class who have their GCSE on Thursday

pirates, saying they are both to blame makes it sound like they are equally responsible. They aren't.