Schools attitude to sharing indecent images

[Greengirl3803]

Hi everyone- my daughter was pressured into providing nudes to a boy who then showed it all around school.
The police are investigating and a crime has been admitted and recorded.
The School refuse to exclude him, he's currently suspended, my daughter is now on medication and receiving therapy for the effects of his actions. She can't face going to school if he is there. So it looks like she will have to move. The School are completely unsupportive.
Does anyone have a similar experience- how have their schools behaved?
Thanks so much for any advice/info xxx

The school will of course have 'sat back' because there is a police investigation ongoing.
Unfortunately for you there is no way school will permanently exclude for an offence such as this.
What you need to ask school is how your daughter can be emotionally supported. This is also your responsibility too of course

Spot on Greengirl
So much bullshit on this thread. Your dd did not break law, the law was changed to avoid criminalising young people in her boat.

Is this how we treat young victims? If it was a 30 year old man who pressured her into sending the pictures we want get arrested and excluded from school?

Well, from her point of view, the action she did and the impact isn't much different, worse because of the boy also sharing it around.

I suspect the school cannot permanently exclude, certainly before police investigation is done.

Her, not get

How was she pressurised?

Recommend the Exploited scheme of work supported by ceops. We are using it in sre at the minute and it really is very good.
I agree, why is blame being cast on the victim here? It sounds like there is an unhealthy attitude amongst this young mans group about women, sex and power. The girl is vulnerable, and has been a victim of exploitation by them. However, it is true that school is restricted in what can happen. As a parent though, I would be going in and asking (like a broken record) what are you going to do to protect my child (And all the others) in the future?

Boys who do this, such as the boy in question here, clearly have no respect for women or girls, see them as sex objects to use to obtain such images then attempt to humiliate and shame by sharing them around. It belies a contempt for women and girls and an attitude which needs changing. I have a brother the same age as this particular boy and if he did something like this I'd be sickened by him. He wouldn't, because he's a decent boy who'd understand how abhorrent this behaviour is.

Caprianna you state "the girls are happy...until an image is shared all over school". Well, of course. So they're happy (apparently) when the only person who sees it is the intended recipient and not when that recipient betrays their trust and shares it around to humiliate them? Hardly surprising, how would anyone like it if a partner shared an intimate photograph of them which had been sent privately? "Revenge porn" is a major issue these days amongst all ages.

OP please ignore the victim blaming. Neither you nor your daughter have any fault. The fault is only the boy's, he chose to do this.

She's a victim of revenge porn, regardless if the circumstances of her sending the picture as well.

However it is also common for girls to be pressurised into sending pics through the use of blackmail, essentially acquiring sine other secret or piece of info they don't want sharing, or threatening to make something up and share it around the school unless they send an image.

Oh and instead of blaming girls for sending photographs, perhaps blame the boys who do this for betraying their trust and having contempt for girls and wanting power over them, plus consider that some men/boys upload everyday photographs of women and girls they know on certain forums encouraging violent language about them, photos just taken from Facebook - such as this individual: www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/04/04/revenge-porn-victims-complain-police-treated-abuser-like-victim/

How much checking of her phone did you do?

I did not blame your DD. Just pointing out that the phone contract is in your name and ultimately you are responsible. My DS is 13 and I check his phone. It is linked to mine so I can see what he is searching.
You blame the school who have 'only' covered this in PSHE - when else would you like them to do it? The police do assemblies on this - perhaps suggest the school have one.
The police are handling it and therefore it is not a school matter. If the police impose a restraining order etc. he is looking for a new school. If not he will still be there.
How are you helping your daughter? For what it's worth we have something like this happens often where I teach (monthly maybe) it soon blows over when the next one rears its head. And this is with school intervention.

Yes to helping her as the victim learn to keep safe. However due to her age, it cannot be considered anything but coercion and revenge porn on the boys part. Personally I would see this to the end and hope he ends up on the sex offenders register.

How is your DD coping at school? Has she had much support from friends?

The people who are victim blaming clearly don't have any knowledge of the law around this sort of thing.

Purple sky - you don't seem to grasp how deeply this effects the victims.

How do you know she was pressured into it? and just done it because she likes him? and she wont admit it? because shes ashamed, I also belive its not just up to schools to teach our children about cyber stuff, its up to us parents too, he will not get exclused, hes ben suspended, you have the police involved and tell your daughter not to send anymore photos to boys.

I tell my children never send a photo that you wouldn't want to be put on the school notice board. I also tell them that if anyone asks for inappropriate photos to say no and tell an adult.

Schools can't just dish out permanent exclusions. A case would have to be made and taken to governors for consideration. That, if it happened, would be after police investigations.

It is very easy for young people to feel pressured and vulnerable and so they do things that a rational adult wouldn't do. It is also easy for them to be excited by the idea of sharing explicit photographs with someone they like, without realising how vulnerable this makes them.

The trouble with children is you never really know what they are up to and they all make mistakes.
The boy and his friends need a severe punishment - this was despicable behaviour - your daughter and all young girls need to learn a hard lesson.
Mistakes are made in teens - drugs/pregnancy etc but things move on and your daughter will have learnt a very valuable lesson - She has a supportive mother and the boys have more to be ashamed of.
It's important in life to learn and put things behind you we have all made mistakes but they are in the past where they belong .
I hope things turn out ok

I'm sorry this has happened to your dd but she's learnt a hard lesson hasn't she? Look both of them did a very irresponsible thing, teens do irresponsible things sometimes because they are immature and lack good judgement. Yes that boy deserves a stiff punishment and to be fair has probably had the fright of his life by the Police investigation - and quite right too.

But you need to concentrate on the poor choice your dd made and why she is so vulnerable to coercion, that's what you need to tackle. Leave the Police and the school to sort the boy out.

You could consider some counselling for your DD, perhaps there is a school counsellor?

I can't believe how many people think this is all the fault of a 13 year old girl!

For what it's worth we have something like this happens often where I teach (monthly maybe) it soon blows over when the next one rears its head.

If this is happening so regularly the boys where you teach need fat more guidance and education on respect for women and girls. That it keeps happening and the girls are expected to wait for it to "blow over" (which shows no understanding for how it effects them anyway) is unacceptable. Boys able to keep on seeing girls as sexual objects to be pressured to send images then shamed for doing so, misogynistic and betraying trust.

DamnCommandments I completely agree. The scale of victim blaming on this thread is abhorrent. Bad enough when directed at a woman of any age, but at a 13 year old girl shows how pervasive misogyny is.