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Teenagers

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Original poster

Schools attitude to sharing indecent images

183 replies

Greengirl3803 · 08/06/2017 15:30

Hi everyone- my daughter was pressured into providing nudes to a boy who then showed it all around school.
The police are investigating and a crime has been admitted and recorded.
The School refuse to exclude him, he's currently suspended, my daughter is now on medication and receiving therapy for the effects of his actions. She can't face going to school if he is there. So it looks like she will have to move. The School are completely unsupportive.
Does anyone have a similar experience- how have their schools behaved?
Thanks so much for any advice/info xxx

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 13/06/2017 19:46

On the moving schools front - there are plenty of links in between schools these pics go far and wide

Recent pic was round 100 kids in less than 30 seconds

I would suggest that the children are far harsher in their judge and jury over these pictures than any police officer parent or teacher would ever be - and I think this is the shock they find the hardest to get over

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 19:59

pieceofpurplesky I go to a girls' school but have friends who are boys and my younger brothers go to a boys' school.

Neither of them would do something like the boy in question here and if they did I would be disgusted by them and not make any excuses. I'm sure my parents would be too. This behaviour is abhorrent, misogynist and completely unacceptable.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 20:02

sometimes it's not surprising that boys don't respect girls who don't respect themselves

More victim blaming. So a girl who sends a private photo to a boy isn't respecting herself and boys are entitled not to respect her, or any girl or woman, in sharing that photograph to sexually humiliate her (thereby demeaning all girls and revealing their attitudes to all women and girls).

pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 20:04

Nolove nobody is saying it is not disgusting - they are saying it happens and that parents also have a responsibility

pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 20:05

Pressed too soon! You sound like you may live in a bubble and not go
To a standard comp where drinking and drugs are common! Many girls are sexually actively at 13/14/15. Not saying the OPs daughter is by the way.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 20:06

The main responsibility is for those sharing not to do so, for them to be taught how wrong it is (and illegal) and for parents and others not to make excuses or victim blame.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 20:09

I fail to see how I "live in a bubble" because I think this kind of behaviour is abhorrent.

RebelRogue · 13/06/2017 20:12

So none of you ever did something stupid as teens despite your parents being against it and lecturing you about it?

pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 20:15

I am not making excuses at all. You clearly cannot understand my posts about blame.

This happens. Not in your world but it does. Pupils at school are told and shown about it. Sadly parents are not necessarily being firm enough.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 20:17

Nolove you live in a bubble as you think this rarely happens. It happens a lot. End of. It is a symptom of the society we live in.

RebelRogue · 13/06/2017 20:18

How these things happen...

Teenage bravado of this thing only happens to others,he would never do such a thing ,he loves me.
Trust in someone close like a friend. For example,girl send a pic that is a bit risqué to friend for giggles or whatever. Friend shares with others out of spite/to get in with the cool gang,pics get out,or friend shares with brother/male friend, and they use that pic to blackmail the first girl into doing more pics.
Full blown threats or intimidation..these can start small and escalate as the victim is trapped in a cycle of submission or blackmail.

WomanWithAltitude · 13/06/2017 20:35

I'm horrified by this thread. Grown women are falling over themselves to excuse a boy who committed a crime and blame the 13 year old girl who was the victim of that crimd. The boy - 15 years old, old enough to know better - pressured a young child and shared the images with the intention of causing humiliation and distress.

But the MN jury says she's as much to blame?!

WomanWithAltitude · 13/06/2017 20:43

Naivety is to be expected of a 13 year old, were we all worldly wise at that age? Were we heck as like.

^This

The boy is held to low standards, 'boys will be boys', 'what did she expect?'. If you give a boy a picture, of course he'll share it!

But the girl, who is two years younger, is held to sky high standards. She is expected to be as wordly wise as an adult! She is expected to 'safeguard herself' responsibly, otherwise she's only got herself to blame.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 20:55

She is not to blame.
But parents need to take more responsibility - I see this often (boys and girls) as mentioned earlier.

GreenTulips · 13/06/2017 21:07

Girls equally share girl pictures and are more vocal / degrading aboout them than the boys.

This isn't solely bout boys being boys - but girls joining in

AND is he shared and they them shared they are also part of the crime - hence a long drawn out police investigation

The last one at our local school resulted in half the Y10's losing their phones for weeks - Girls and Boys

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 21:11

It happens a lot. End of. It is a symptom of the society we live in.

A symptom of a society where victims are blamed and girls (and women) are shamed, humiliated, mocked and bullied for being victims of revenge porn and the like. Blaming the victims perpetuates this society.

WannaBe · 13/06/2017 21:11

"Girls equally share girl pictures and are more vocal / degrading aboout them than the boys." apparently it's only relevant if boys do it, because girls are always victims. Hmm.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 21:11

Nolove you live in a bubble

I would rather you didn't insinuate this as you have no idea what I may have known about or at what age. I am well aware of the reality of male violence against women and rape culture.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 21:12

apparently it's only relevant if boys do it, because girls are always victims.

It is absolutely the case that the vast majority of revenge porn is boys and men sharing and uploading such images of girls and women. You could go on well known misogynist forums this second and see it happening by the minute.

GreenTulips · 13/06/2017 21:31

I'm saying it's not just the boys sharing - girls are also doing it to each other.

Girls also shardick pics amongst themselves as to the boys

It's not a competition - but it isn't one sided

Neither is pretty

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 21:33

It is mainly images of girls being shared. Not just between pupils but uploaded online, to revenge porn sites, well known forums etc. This is unquestionable and also happens to adult women regularly.

It is unacceptable no matter who is doing it and who the victim is. It's abhorrent behaviour and there are no excuses nor blame to be apportioned to anyone but those who spread the images around.

pieceofpurplesky · 13/06/2017 21:35

Nolove find one place where I have said girls are to blame .... I have said it is parental responsibility.
As for living in a bubble - no I don't know you - but you clearly stated that you were not aware of this happening much - which I, and other posters, have said does.
I have vast experience of this as a pastoral lead in a school. Boys and girls are victims of this. It is not a feminist issue it is a societal issue. Some boys are misogynistic and some girls misandristic. At school level though it is mainly stupidity, a desire to be loved and alcohol.
I have also been one of 'those' teens who at your age was 'date raped' - do I think that these kids are equal to that - no. The world has changed so much due to the internet.
I hope, nolove, that you are OK.

GreenTulips · 13/06/2017 21:36

I agree.

There needs to be wider awareness of the consequences - both for the victim (the impact of those images) and the sharer (criminal offense)

What is fine in schools is very much a thou shalt not - rather than because ....

RebelRogue · 13/06/2017 21:42

There is quite a bit of whataboutery in the whole "but girls do it too". Ofc they do...for every crime committed by a man you will also find a woman that has done it too. Are the numbers the same though?

Anyways,this has nothing to do with that. It was a boy that shared the pics. A boy 2 years older. A boy whom according to the OP pressured and blackmailed a 13 yo child into sending nude pics of herself.

NoLoveofMine · 13/06/2017 21:45

pieceofpurplesky there has been a great deal of victim blaming on this thread. People have stated "the OP's daughter is as much to blame" etc. If I've accused you of specifically victim blaming and you haven't I apologise as there have been a lot of different posters doing so.

I stated I hadn't experienced the behaviour you described (copious amounts of drug taking and general debauchery from age 13) as commonplace. I am well aware of the problems of revenge porn and sharing images of girls online, whether explicit or not, with the intention of demeaning and humiliating them. It is a feminist issue to me as it is nearly always girls - and women - who are victims of it. As I keep saying numerous articles prove this as well as all the forums and sites these are uploaded to. That's without delving into the issue of "creepshots" where images of girls and women taken without consent or knowledge are shared on social media and other websites accompanied by degrading comments, there was an article in The Telegraph on this some months ago. All this feeds into a general contempt for girls and women, a desire to sexually humiliate and degrade. It is absolutely a feminist issue and how women and girls are seen from such a young age by society. To try to claim this is an equal problem and insinuate there's a problem with "misandry" in schools is absolutely ridiculous given how much misogyny young girls face constantly and the scale of this problem.

I am sorry to hear of what happened to you.

I know of girls who have been sexually assaulted, every girl I know including myself has been sexually harassed pretty regularly for quite some time now and I know of worse happening. This is misogynistic violence targeted at girls and women.

I am well thank you, though enraged by the misogyny which pervades through society.