My 12yo DS wants me to ask you all?!

[Skinimum]

Do you allow your 12+ yo DS and DD to have their phones / devices in their rooms at night?

Do you allow your 13+ yo DS and DD to have their phones / devices in their rooms at night!

My 12 yo and 14yo are allowed their phones till 9pm to settle down for 930pm this isn't a rule I set in place though this was set by a family early help officer ( dd has sn and bedtime is a struggle ) so they officers thoughtbthis might help with the issue we were experiencing ( it does)

As superbrat has hopefully now worked out, the answer is no because

• children cannot be trusted with them
• no child needs all night internet access
• he needs to sleep to avoid stuffing up his education and hence his life
• the blue light distutbs sleep
• the charger is a fire risk. As smartphones are badly designed and guzzle power, so need charging every few hours ( how shit is that!!) He should charge it in the afternoon, when someone will notice a fire. Switch it off until next morning to conserve the battery.

Devices called alarm clocks are available.

Yes I do with dd (11) Not excusing it but D's (now 17) was always very good at self regulating, knowing how much sleep he needed and not giving a shit about any types of social media. The last few days have proved that dd is not like that so have told her that tonight we will discuss how much she can have her phone but come what may by 9pm it will be downstairs with me. Oh my god the histrionics already!

No. Tried if for a bit. Didn't work out. We've now "sold" all 4 kids tablets and the 2 oldests telephones, as a direct result. They are suddenly much nicer kids.

YouTube etc now only on public family computer.

Skype is becoming a bugbear for me. Particularly the message service.

Don't your kids have any devices at all now wallywobbles? Sounds marvellous.

Yes - 15 and 12.
I trust them to self regulate. Tbh the 12 year old tends to leave it downstairs to charge overnight anyway - but her decision.

I'm very surprised by the responses. I am amongst the rare ones here it seems to have never even considered confiscating my kids phones after a certain time. I considered that the moment I gave it to them, it became their property. I would only do something if it became evident that the were misusing them affecting their well-being. It's never been the case.

Ironically, my DD17 informed me last week that she had decided to give herself a mobile phone free day a week. She said that she was lying on her bed one day and realised that she had plenty of books she wanted to read again, so decided that she would have one day phone free. I know she will stick to it.

I much much rather that she comes to this conclusion herself than to have to make a rule taking away her ability to take responsibility for herself. Both she and her brother (just turned 14) have self-manage themselves in the evenings for years. What I have kept an eye on is their behaviour, attitude, energy levels, school results etc... All these have been good and therefore I have had no reason to be worried about them missing out on sleep because they spend too much time on their phone.

No. Phones and screens put down 7.30pm to 7.30am so that we have family balance.

It's not particularly sleep I'm worried about DS missing out on more like what he might be looking at at 2am when the rest of the house is asleep!

I'm supporting them to make good habits and choices.

DSS 12 yes, we treat him as a responsible young "adult" with his own bedtime (on weekends) and unlimited screen time (incidentally we just bought him at iPhone 7 for Christmas); takes his phone to bed and it's up to him to control himself.

Phones are not, however, permitted at the table during meals.

Yes,I did that exactly the same Mac then did a random check and discovered what he was googling. I would've bet my house on him being trustworthy and but the sort of kid to break trust etc etc.

I did but I used to turn the internet off at 9pm and, as my ds was on a pay as you go sim, he couldn't spend loads of time texting or on the internet. Started leaving the internet on when he was 16 ( I did used to turn it back on when he was asleep...)

No way, no how, no likey, no lighty

I don't see it as confiscating DD's phone as our rule that phones stay downstairs overnight applies to DH and I too!

Nobody needs their phone between the time they go to bed and the time they get up, and screens mess up sleep - none of us have any screens in our rooms, though we don't limit downstairs screen time. She has no limits aside from overnight.

Oh no Dame, do you think we should do a check to make sure he's not looking at things he shouldn't?? I'm worried now He seems so innocent but I think back to when I was 12 and my best friend and I used to steal her Dad's nudie mags and laugh at them. Certainly wouldn't want DSS looking at anything like that!

Nudie mags are fine compared to what you can google! Porn mags/ The The joy of Sex book etc have been a normal part of growing up but these days natural curiosity is rewarded with really graphic videos that are available to ANYONE. It's like they're missing out on the in between bit. It's no coincidence that the majority of under 25's shave themselves of all body hair- that's what they think a body should look like. They all have free access to porn or inappropriate images on line. Tbh I can't really blame them for looking but it's up to us as parents to make sure it doesn't happen too soon.

Nicenewone1 no devices at all. Yes I think it is good. Time will tell but conversation is much improved as is hormonal teen sulking.

I have had to play monopoly so there are downsides too.

Yes to both.

They use them as alarm clocks. They are responsible for getting themselves up.

They can choose to use them for texting or music or whatever instead of sleeping but they are the ones who will be groggy the next day, not me. So far, so good.

I'm quite pleased to know I can trust my children enough to let them self-regulate. It only took them one night of staying up too late on the XBOX (ironically in the summer holidays, so it didn't really matter) for them to realise sleep is important.

I know DS1 and DS2 aren't hiding anything because we all have the same phone and I've often picked it up by mistake and there's been no meltdown. I'm laughing at some of the restrictions here on ADULTS home from university. It's getting to a stage where it's ridiculous.

Oh and I also note with pleasure that the kids that go off the rails most often at the school I teach in come from households with way too many rules and restrictions, so they are only learning stuff way too late.

More people let their children / teens have their phones unrestricted than are prepared to say here, it would seem. DSD has had her phone and desktop computer in her room for as long as I can remember, she's almost 17. DH and I use our phones too - horror - even in bed, although no TV in our bedrooms though. But we're all very bookie too, spend family time together, talk and help regulate each other and are pretty honest about what's going on online and in real life.

Yes. Wouldn't occur to me not to.

No neither my 13 or 15 year old are allowed them in their rooms overnight

Yes, phone, tablet and laptop, all charging. He listens to sleep music and is very trustworthy as he does sleep and doesn't wake up at stupid o'clock to go on them.
Ds2 who is 9 has an old phone, just wifi and tablet. He listens to sleep music. He's not so trustworthy and has been caught playing on them at 5:30 am.
I think they need to learn self control and to be trained to do it while they live at home and we can enforce it (so they feel like they're doing it themselves!)