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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

My 12yo DS wants me to ask you all?!

228 replies

Skinimum · 08/01/2017 19:59

Do you allow your 12+ yo DS and DD to have their phones / devices in their rooms at night?

Do you allow your 13+ yo DS and DD to have their phones / devices in their rooms at night!

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 08/01/2017 20:48

Yes, my DD uses it as an alarm clock and I check she's asleep before I go to bed.

Phalenopsisgirl · 08/01/2017 20:48

No, I did but he was on it too late so now he has to hand them in at 10pm, he isn't home on school nights (boarding school, where no devices allowed full stop) but if he was it would be earlier. The light I pads give off is too stimulating to use late in the evening.

youarenotkiddingme · 08/01/2017 20:49

My ds has autism though which may make a difference. He doesn't do social media, texting cannot miss the latest gossip - neeeeedddddd my phone! He does do rules though!

WhyOhWine · 08/01/2017 20:50

I have DDs 12 and 13. They are not allowed phones in bedrooms except when they are having a sleepover. I have said we will reconsider when we are satisfied they can appropriately self regulate their usage. So no time soon then!

I reckon about half their friends have the same rule.

goodapple · 08/01/2017 20:50

No screens in bedrooms after dinner here (13 and 14 yo)

SavageBeauty73 · 08/01/2017 20:51

Yes

Skinimum · 08/01/2017 20:51

Thanks for the responses! I am now, in his words, quite cool and amazing!! Score 1 to me, 0 to him!!

I am quite lax, he has a YouTube channel, is trusted to watch what he wants, is allowed internet access but he knows I check sometimes and look at his snapchat etc as and when!!

Bedtime is up at 9 ish lights out 930 ish

DS 13 is at boarding school and house master only allows phone 30 mins a day and NO other devices!!

I recently discovered DS2 was being groomed by a 16yo family friends son and we are all really struggling with that! Police are involved etc. It really is a minefield and I do my best bit they are always ahead of us

Thank you all.

OP posts:
Phalenopsisgirl · 08/01/2017 20:52

Year 7 Bed time when he is at school is 8.30 reading until 9pm lights out....holidays we are much more relaxed with no firm bedtime

gillybeanz · 08/01/2017 20:52

No I don't when she's at home but unfortunately school do, she boards.

However, she's had lots of trouble and it wasn't to do with internet and she was on phone in living room during the day.
If something nasty is going to happen it will, irrespective of time, location and format. Sorry, just needed to add this.

Older 2 are grown ups now but weren't allowed to until adults, I'm sure they were 16.
DD is just 13

AuditAngel · 08/01/2017 20:52

DS is sometimes allowed to charge his phone in his room, but it is docked on his stereo which he can't reach from his cabin bed.

Can use u-tube freely, only downstairs

mrspink27 · 08/01/2017 20:53

No and no, DDs nearly 13 and nearly 15. Devices are downstairs after 9pm.

gillybeanz · 08/01/2017 20:54

Oh bedtime.
At school Y8 lights out are 8.45 not saying they are right, but find it interesting.
They tend to add 15 mins per year.
At home obviously on holiday so anytime usually.

Acornantics · 08/01/2017 20:55

No, all gadgets downstairs from 8pm latest, for 13.5 year old. This won't change for the foreseeable future.

DCs understand why, and respect the rules (so far), they know it's for their own mental and physical health. Life's tough enough for teenagers, why do they want to make it any harder for themselves?!

AuditAngel · 08/01/2017 20:55

And bedtime us meant to be 9.30, but rarely us. DS finds it really hard to get to sleep. I have explained that going to bed at the same time would train him to settle easier, but he won't try it.

eggsandwich · 08/01/2017 20:55

Its funny you ask this because as from Friday just gone I have told my Dd and Ds that all iPads and iPhones are to be put in the kitchen until the morning as it came to my attention while my Dd's phone had been removed due to her deleting her history on both iPad and phone when I told her I wanted to do a quick check, caught her deleting history as I walked into her bedroom.
I was amazed at how many texts she was getting really late in the evening 11.30,12.00, so now new rule applies which enables me to do random checks on all devices while they on charge in the kitchen.
We've had a decussion about keeping safe on the internet, she felt I was invading her privacy by checking her devices, but I said it was my job as a parent to keep you safe and that I would be failing as a parent if I didn't have her best interests at heart, and that she would do the same when she had children. Dd is 14

NotThrowAwayMyShot · 08/01/2017 20:57

Dd is day girl but very occasionally boards.

Year 10/11 bedtime is 10pm. Year 9 is 9.30, year 8 9.15, year 7 9pm. Phones handed in at 8.45pm.

callmeadoctor · 08/01/2017 20:57

No electrical devices after 9 o'clock (13 year old). Yes, is allowed on youtube. We have full parental controls on router (although Youtube still seems to slip stuff through)

TheTrollinator · 08/01/2017 20:58

No and No

Teens don't need their phones for alarms, they can have an normal alarm instead.

I also wouldn't dream of allowing a 12 or 13 year old to have free access to YouTube and the internet. That would be irresponsible. I'd have time constraints and parental controls.

SundaeLieIn · 08/01/2017 20:58

All 3 DS's (13,15 and 17) have a laptop, tv and their phones in their rooms. Most of the time they are here with us downstairs. Last night we played a board game together.

Have they abused this - once or twice but I do check on them each night. They all have 'fanlights' above their bedroom doors so I can usually tell if there's any light source in the room!

13 year old goes to bed at 9.30 and the older 2 at 10.30.

DS 2 always gets himself up at 6am (we usually bump into each other in the kitchen shortly after this) and I wake the others at 7am. We are all out of the house before 8am so they all get up ok.

They need to learn self-discipline and because they have free(ish) access it's not a novelty for them.

You know your children and what's best for them. If that is not having devices in their rooms then that's the rule regardless of what anyone else is doing.

BlackCatsRule · 08/01/2017 20:58

No I wouldn't - sorry

callmeadoctor · 08/01/2017 20:59

Lights out at 9.30 (13 year old)

Hateloggingin · 08/01/2017 21:00

I'd say no, have posted this a couple of times recently (just found out) but dd was being groomed by paedophile over Internet. We had lots of checks in place but did let her have phone in room :( she was faking being asleep then getting back up and having conversations with him at 4am. Lots of fake accounts so we were only checking the ones we thought she had (others were under fake names), he was showing her how to 'get round' our rules. I'm boring myself now but if this helps one child/parent then I'll keep posting it .

Police are involved obviously. Dd is 11. Trust me, we did spot checks everything but we couldn't spot check things we didn't know existed :(

ScrappyMalloy · 08/01/2017 21:00

Yes, but only because DS(13) is really sensible.

Any mucking about and it'll be a no.

SloanyAnne · 08/01/2017 21:00

Nope my 15 year old isn't allowed on a school night

Chewbecca · 08/01/2017 21:04

All our devices, including DS's are left downstairs overnight.

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