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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Is it legal?

90 replies

Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 17:13

Can I force my mildly anorexia daughter with a bmi of 16.1 to eat meat?
She's a pestictiran and has been for nearly 7 months.
I've been told to take things away if she loses weight or doesn't reach weight targets.
Am I allowed to do this?
Obviously she's very underweight and needs to fatten up a little!
Opinions??

OP posts:
Paulat2112 · 03/01/2017 17:15

How would you force her? Pin her down and shove some beef in her mouth?

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 17:20

I've been told to put meat in front of her and leave her to eat it for however long it takes and if its not gone after 3 hours I've been told to take her to the hospital..Sad

OP posts:
Katymac · 03/01/2017 17:22

By whom?

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 17:24

The people in her inpatient unit run by the NHS, she has been let out this morning but wasn't force fed meat at the clinic.

OP posts:
LeadPipe · 03/01/2017 17:24

You can take things away from her but it still may not make her eat. She has an illness, she isn't being naughty!

Why engage in a power struggle with her over something that she may not actually be equipped to do (eat)?

She needs support not punishment.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 17:25

Because she's lost 1 pound in the past few days she's no longer meant to be a vegetarian

OP posts:
Katymac · 03/01/2017 17:26

By which I mean if it's in her care plan and authorised by CAMHS or the GP then you comply

If it's your freind, her dad or your mum/mil then you don't

I know Anorexia treatments have changed and I don't know what current advise it

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 17:27

She's getting support twice weekly and I've told them I want her to be vegetarian to give her a chance but she's blown that chance by losing weight..

OP posts:
Katymac · 03/01/2017 17:27

Sorry cross post

Umm they feel meat is necessary? I'd ring and ask in that case

Instinctively it seems mean not to give her fish but I don't know why eating meat is essential

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 17:28

CAMHS x

OP posts:
LeadPipe · 03/01/2017 17:29

Well, if you trust what the clinic is advising you to do then do it.

Even if this were medically advised for my child, I would not follow this advice.

Anorexia is notoriously treatment resistant, even specialist treatment clinics do not know all the answers, look elsewhere if this isn't sitting well with you.

canyou · 03/01/2017 17:34

Shock and they want you to create a battle zone around food?
She will eat fish, better then me I became veggie to hide my eating disorder. Also starting to eat meat again might make her feel sick.
Who cooks? Can she tolerate most foods? Fish cooked in a butter sauce or hollandaise. I would recommend calories through foods she will/can tolerate and or eat.
Smoothies with protien etc.
Most people who leave a treatment centre lose a little but it can be put back on or maintained with support.
What does your DD really want, what might she think she would potentially eat?

SecondsLeft · 03/01/2017 17:52

How old is she? Most eating disorders dietitians would strongly discourage veganism, but work with those on vegetarian diets, although often young people will agree to postpone vegetarianism until after recovery, following extended discussions. Discussions involving non negotiable cheesy dishes, usually.

You should try to be authoritative and set out your expectations and plan, but in a supportive way with room for compromise (eg expected to eat the family meal, can't skip the carbs, but is OK to have one or two dislikes eg carrots). Do allow an extended time for meals, and persist through distress (hers and yours), but if not completed, take a break, then do the next meal. See it as reassuring and persisting through fear. Food as medicine. Have a few helpful distractions of conversation topics on hand, or have the tv or radio on if helpful. Have a nice activity planned for after a meal together. Supervise closely and don't allow exercise of any kind until fully compliant with mealtimes and told ok to do gentle exercise by doctor. Don't be punitive, but don't be afraid of consequences she doesn't like - things like having a parent supervised lunch at school, having to go to the doctors. These are the consequences that make it worth complying with weight gain, and when she has she will be better able to cope.

The eva musby website is quite good. Take care.

SecondsLeft · 03/01/2017 17:53

Cross posted

Thingscanonlygetbetter41 · 03/01/2017 17:57

I don't think forcing her to eat meat is ok in any way shape or form. Can you try and compromise- they want you to eat meat , I respect that you don't want to so could you choose another option- something like egg, cheese or a milkshake? I found milkshakes a good way to get my dd to put calories in , I'd whizz it up in the nutri bullet with ice cream, milk and choc banana Oreos etc!

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 19:17

She hates it when she has too eat chocolate, any junk food really but is ok with oven chips..
She doesn't like cream or ice cream and says it makes her feel sick..
She will eat cheddar cheese happily and yougurt, sometimes a mouse.
Fish fingers are okay for her to tolerate but she isn't that happy about them.

  • she likes fruit but I don't really let her eat blueberries and really low calorie fruits but often has a banana and toast as a snack..
She will try her best to wipe excess butter off foods but gets caught. She likes fruit, veg, pasta, baked beans, toast, bread, rice and salmon but she would eat pasta with cheese everyday for lunch and tea if allowed. I'm at a loss end with her, I'm seriously considering placing her back into inpatient as I can't cope. Today for tea she had fishfingers, oven chips, peas and a spice of bread as its what the others were having. She ate everything well apart from the 5 fishfingers which she cried over. I'm trying different pasta dishes but needs variety :/
OP posts:
canyou · 03/01/2017 19:31

Will she eat Mac and cheese (american style sayce made with egg, cream and cheese and milk) with salmon and veg?
While not calorie dense egg, brown toast and beans are nutrient complete, cooked in butteradds calories.
Flowers for you I now see and hate what I put my family through, it must be one of the worst places any parent can find themselves in.

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 19:41

Thanks for your response she's 14

OP posts:
Thingscanonlygetbetter41 · 03/01/2017 19:46

If she'd eat pasta and cheese twice a day make your life easier and let her. I know it's not nutritionally ideal but it's got quite a lot of calories, she enjoys and it's easy. My dd has lots of sensory issues with food and pretty much lives on plain pasta with grated cheese and peas !

Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 04/01/2017 17:16

I agree with you the pasta isn't that high cald but the cheese is high in calcium and calories as well which is good. The thing she's low is calcium on but I've added a full fat yougurt after tea each, she has tons of cheese as she refuses to drink milk.. Doesn't like the taste.
Any other calcium high food suggestions would be great:)))

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeisshort123 · 04/01/2017 17:17

I do make mac and cheese about once every two weeks with cheese and milk plus cream for the calcium.
Never knew about adding an egg! Great idea thank :)

OP posts:
dibbley · 05/01/2017 00:18

I'd let her eat pasta and cheese every day rather than have a battle over eating meat. Would she eat a cheese sauce with cream?

frenchfancy · 05/01/2017 08:41

Why only every 2 weeks? I'd be doing it most days and adding a side of fish or veg. Let her have the blueberries for dessert if she eats the mac cheese.

I am amazed at the advice to force a teenager to eat meat.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 05/01/2017 08:47

5 fish fingers is a hell of a lot?
My dd s boyfriend with hollow legs eats 4

LIZS · 05/01/2017 08:52

I can't see that meat should be made a deal breaker. Surely it is better that she eats pasta and cheese than refuses everything due to be made to include meat. If she will try other things such as a pasta bake with fish, mac and cheese with egg, perhaps fish pie then use that as a starting point. Are they worried about , for example, lack of iron.