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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Is it legal?

90 replies

Lifeisshort123 · 03/01/2017 17:13

Can I force my mildly anorexia daughter with a bmi of 16.1 to eat meat?
She's a pestictiran and has been for nearly 7 months.
I've been told to take things away if she loses weight or doesn't reach weight targets.
Am I allowed to do this?
Obviously she's very underweight and needs to fatten up a little!
Opinions??

OP posts:
TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 08/01/2017 10:30

Dame Oh do give over. You're not helping. 3 weetabix is not a huge amount.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/01/2017 10:33

Listen, I can eat a HUGE breakfast with no issues at all - just not 3 weetabix in one go. I'm asking if there is any choice or if they have to eat.

dancemom · 08/01/2017 10:33

Will she eat tuna pasta? Tuna is a good source of protein

Chocolate milk to drink?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/01/2017 10:34

* and my question was to Fruit cider*

OhTheRoses · 08/01/2017 10:54

I am a recovered anorexic
DD has dallied with anorexia and other self harm
I have contemporaneous experience of CAMHS
She needs to eat what you can get her to eat without being force fed meat or it becoming a battle zone.

Sneaking some bacon into a cheesy leek pie (will she eat pastry)
Philly and pasta
Macaroni
Pancakes (one egg ones)
Soufflé omolettes
Salmon (with pasta, pesto and grated cheese)
Soups with some meat in the stock base zizzed in the liquidiser
Bread maker (you add butter to the mix unlike ordinary bread)
Will she's eat croissant, pain au choc/raisin, etc for breakfast?
Chips incl sweet potato ones

And if you have the money I'd get a second opinion from a specialist psychiatrist. If you are in or near London I can pm details. If you don't have the money insist on a consultation with the CAMHS psychiatrist - request it in writing and give them a time frame to respond.

PS: a meat dd will graze on is salami, Parma ham, eyc

OhTheRoses · 08/01/2017 10:57

Oh and op. It's tough and soul destroying so look after yourself too. Get yourself on the list for counselling now - before you hit a personal crisis. With love Flowers

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/01/2017 10:59

That's good advice about getting help for you too OP.

Blossomdeary · 08/01/2017 11:01

She cannot be forced to eat meat, and if it is protein that they are concerned about there is plenty to be had without meat. Trying to force her to eat something she detests will not help her over her illness.

I eat poultry and fish but cannot stand red meat - I cannot even prepare it without gagging. OH knows that if he wants red meat he has to get a ready meal out of the freezer.

If your DD feels as I do then forcing this on her will not help at all.

There are it seems things she will eat but you only give it to her every fortnight - I cannot understand that. Get it down her every day if needs be. It is nourishment she needs not having her tastes dictated.

Soubriquet · 08/01/2017 11:10

My 20 month old can eat 3 weetabix...and he isn't overweight at all. 3 weetabix is a fine amount

OP I'm concerned about the advice your clinic is giving. Making an issue of food will make her worse not better.

You're better off letting her eat what she wants, just make sure there's more off it.

Let her eat mac and cheese and blueberries. There's calories in it and it's good food.

Forcefeeding her meat will make her more stubborn and refuse to eat and you shouldn't be forcing a vegetarian to eat meat

TheCakes · 08/01/2017 11:21

What do they say about protein powders? You can add them into her yoghurt, make smoothies with them etc.

YesThisIsMe · 08/01/2017 11:52

I don't want to over complicate things still more. However since someone has recommended tuna as a good source of protein I need to point out that due to potential mercury build up, underweight young women shouldn't rely on it too heavily in their diet - maybe twice a week maximum. Ideally packed in oil in this case to add calories.

FruitCider · 08/01/2017 15:26

Listen, I can eat a HUGE breakfast with no issues at all - just not 3 weetabix in one go. I'm asking if there is any choice or if they have to eat.

They can choose their breakfast - 3 weetabix, 55g cereal or 2 toast with 2 portions of butter and 2 portions of jam. We discourage toast as it is easy for them to "crumb" it and lose a lot of calories. Although we do make them eat the crumbs, otherwise there is a forfeit (see my previous post).

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 08/01/2017 15:55

Thanks for answeringSmile

BarryTheKestrel · 08/01/2017 16:17

Forcing someone with food issues to eat meat when they are vegetarian seems completely counter intuitive to me and will surely only cause further issues and resentment around food?

5 fish fingers is also a huge amount. Yes she needs a high amount of calories, but this can be done in a much better way than 5 fish fingers, chips, veg and bread.

You say she likes pasta and cheesy sauces, make the most calorific cheese sauce you can with lots of cheese, cream, egg, butter. Lots of cheesey pasta and veg. It may not be the healthiest of diets but it's highly calorific and will help with the short term weight gain.

Dont fight with her and make meal times more traumatic than they already are for her. If she's willing to eat and isn't purging she is trying, don't make it a battlefield.

The advice you have been given by the unit doesn't seem to be right, certainly not in my experience of eating disorders. I'd ask again.

bloodyteenagers · 08/01/2017 16:38

So they want her to eat meat for protein. Meat free alternatives are -
Eggs - so omelette with the veg she will eat. Scrambled egg - frittata etc.
Almonds
Oats - she could have almond, pats, blueberry and yogurt for dessert. Doesn't have to be a lot.
Cheese -cottage cheese, parmasaen, Swiss, mozzarella and cheddar. As a snack my daughter would eat crackers with these cheeses. I would buy crackers when she was out and decant them into a box and bin the packaging so she couldn't see the calories.
With the yogurt try and go for Greek. Remember you can also use it with savory foods. I would have a tub of it with garlic in to snack on with veg. Same with humous.

Lentils are protein rich but you have to be very creative
You said she will eat bread look for Ezekiel bread.
Pumpkin seeds.
Broccoli
Fish but yes be careful about the mercury build up.
Prawns - does she like noodles? A stir fry with broccoli and prawns.

Peanuts - peanut butter.

Yes to trying to get a second opinion. My dd was also under cahms and the focus was on her not eating meat and trying to get her to eat meat for the protein. Even when I suggested the foods above no, wasn't
Good enough. When she did start putting on weight the person was see how good meat is, it's the only way. Basically they didn't believe in anything other than meat 7 days a week.

I spoke to a nutritionist instead as I was lucky enough to have one based in work. Who created a meal planner that was high in protein, calories, etc based on her food preferences plus little tricks I could do so we were all eating the same but without us packing on the pounds. Things like in her salad she would have avocado and egg, whereas we would have chicken, because either we didn't like avocado or allergic to egg.
I would still do a shepherds pie, but no meat instead loads of veg and lentils with extra cheese on the top for her.
The fruit she would eat I would encourage it with some Greek yogurt. Breakfasts were always a battle so she would have fruit, with yogurt, chuck over some oats and some Ezekiel bread toasted with some peanut butter. Sounds loads but it wasn't - handful fruit, spoon yogurt and slice of toast.
Or she would have scrambled egg, half a bagel and a bit of salmon, sometimes with a small fruit smoothie or a small portion of fruit.
Yes there was days she just wanted to eat the same things, but rather than restricting them to once a fortnight or whatever I let it go. It was better for her to eat something rather than nothing.
For portion control I would start plating the main bits in the kitchen with the minimum I knew she would eat. I would also put the minimum on all our plates, then everything was at the table. It was a pain but because we all had smaller portions it wasn't an issue when someone dug in for extras. So like fish fingers everyone would be plated 2, with extra on the table. As the weeks went on she dug in more and more without realizing.
Pizzas where another good one. We used different bases, so not just dough. All the toppings out, everyone made their own and then into the oven.,she felt in control that way and a fun way to do lunch.
I think it was more to do with how relaxed everything was. Family meals with lots of chat and laughs without discussing food other than this is nice can we have it again. If someone only wanted half a weetabix hat morning so be it and if someone managed 4 again so be it and nothing was said.
There was always lots of snacks made so if peckish it was always there.

We did have a few set backs along the way. When others would come over for meals or we would go out and someone would say something. Oh just try it. How do you know you don't like it. Is that all your having. Don't think you are having dessert until you've finished that. Yes I shot them all down, but the damage had been done and it took days for her to recover from. In the end had stop eating with certain people.

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