How to tell a 16 year old girl she is no longer invited to family meal

[Cheeseaddicted]

My sons, 17, girlfriend, 16, is a really fussy eater, this isn't a problem usually as when cooking dinner for everyone I will just cook some nuggets for her(as that is all she eats).

One of my friends from school and her family are going to be in my town this weekend so we planned to go out for dinner and both my sons girlfriends were invited too but we decided that we would just have dinner at mine instead as we live in a fairly big farm house and we thought it would be a nicer more relaxed evening than going out.

That means now I am cooking for her family of 4 then my family of 5 plus 2 girlfriends so it would be hard for me to cook a separate meal for one person and not to mention quite embarrassing that we are all eating a nice meal and she's sat there with nuggets and chips.

I've told my son that I don't think we can have her stay for dinner but she is welcome to stay until we eat and my partner will give her a lift home half an hour before we plan on eating and he understands and agrees it's probably the best.

But I do not know how to tell her that she can't stay and the reason why. I don't want to upset her but for obvious reasons I just can't cook different meals that night.

Turns out my son has told her anyway. They came home and told me she's going to sit upstairs while we eat, told them it's not happening she can either sit down with us or go home so now she's decided she will try some of what I'm making but only a tiny plate of it.

onfleek The elder girls parents are on the other side of the country, she works in our town and was living in a nasty house share, I didn't like seeing the state of the place she was living so invited her to live with us until she can afford a nicer place. That is why she stays with us. I don't mind them being here to sleep or to have dinner, they are my sons girlfriends and part of my family.

Really? That's interesting. can you point me in that direction, a quick google throws little up.

Surely no one actively chooses nuggets.

Like genuinely interesting I wasn't being sarcastic

she's decided she will try some of what I'm making but only a tiny plate of it.

Oh, bless her!

You sound great, by the way

gamerchick, are you this dismissive of all mental illness, or just the types you think are a bit precious? Do you think people with anorexia should just pull themselves together? Eating disorders have complex origins, and social, environmental and psychological factors all contribute.

And the reason 'fussy' eaters are usually ok with things like chicken nuggets and McDonalds is because these are very bland carbs and proteins which have been designed to have mass appeal and present zero challenge to the taste buds. Duh.

Millions of people die in Asia and Africa because they refuse to eat the food available?

Seriously?

Heh well considering I visit a medium secure mental health hospital on a regular basis I would say not

Yeah I agree, chicken nuggets are not very challenging, why anyone would offer them in the first place is beyond me.

Sorry, I read the post above and your name MrsB, that's clearly why I though it didn't sound like you

Exit, the paper I remember reading said the researchers were shocked because they had expected not to find eating disorders among semi-starved populations. But they did. Each community had local names for it - it had been a problem for a long time.

Catching up on more recent psychiatric analyses, I see that food scarcity can actually be a trigger.

Beyond that, I do not know! I have to limit my engagement with eating disorders; it's a long time since I had mine, but it lurks in the background so I don't "feed" it (hah.)

If you always just bung her some chicken nuggets and oven chips in then I really don't see why it's going to be more difficult than usual to just do that. Would you tell her she couldn't come if she was a vegetarian because it was too awkward to make her something separate?

At least give her the choice. Tell her she's welcome to come but you are only cooking lasagne/roast/tagine/whatever, and if she doesn't fancy it you'll understand if she'd rather leave early.

I don't see why you should have to pander to her because she's a fussy eater. Different if she had allergies or dietary requirements e.g diabetic but if she's that bothered she can fed herself at her home and come later.

I see this thread's rapidly reaching "Cancel the cheque" status

Like genuinely interesting I wasn't being sarcastic

Sure you weren't, because you've come across on this thread as genuinely interested and not at all intolerant or dismissive of people's difficulties around food

That's why I'm interested I'm always up for having my views challenged.

If it helps when I first joined mumsnet I wouldn't even cater for veggies. I found the whole thing interesting and now I do to a point.

OP tell her to sort herself out..
Ridiculous!

It's this sort of comment of yours that makes your claim to be genuinely interested sound somewhat implausible.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the other family coming. If you offer a different meal to the girlfriend then you would have to offer that to the other family coming as well. They may have fussy kids too, or prefer nuggets and chips to the other choice.

If I cook a meal I am happy to cater for allergies, but everyone eats roughly the same meal (by roughly I mean if someone chooses not to eat the potatoes or have sauce that's fine). Having a meal with different dishes served in the middle of the table or buffet style is easier than having a one pot meal, then everyone puts what they want on their plate.

I have a fussy teen (not quite that fussy though) and I would be mortified if I found out someone was cooking nuggets+chips just for her.

Wouldn't any of you object to someone eating a McDonald's if you'd cooked a lovely meal? It smells so strong and I wouldn't want to have it in the same room as me if I was eating something else.

you were projecting... she's not in the slightest bit embarrassed to eat what she eats regardless of what others have.

ime, supermarket chips+nuggets don't smell as strong as McDs.

Oh well, I would refuse to even buy chicken nuggets or have them in my house so hopefully none of my dcs will have a gf/bf like this or they will go hungry

OP has reached a sensible compromise, gf will try a little plate of the meal. If it's not to her liking she can have bread or crisp salad (with optional chocolate button croutons).
It must be difficult having selective eating and cause many socially embarrassing situations. OP it's not your responsibility to correct her eating issues, it's good she will make an effort to try.
What are you cooking btw?

Wouldn't any of you object to someone eating a McDonald's if you'd cooked a lovely meal? It smells so strong

Well, I can't stand the smell of them either but I would put up with it. "Eat what you're given" isn't being a good host in my opinion.

I have to make vegan for vegans, gluten-free for some family members, soy-free for some others; I'm dairy intolerant and can't eat lentils etc. These are mutually exclusive unless you're going to eat nothing but veg. I can usually think of something with optional add-ins and leave-outs, but it's much easier if people bring some of their own stuff. I take my own to buffet-type parties - and always ask if folks want me to bring something for dinner. A lot of people hate the thought of cooking without butter, cream, milk or cheese and I don't blame them!

To me, the specific item of food is not the point of the activity.

I agree! If you go to a restaurant, you don't insist everyone has the same meal. It's about eating together, not eating identically.