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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to tell a 16 year old girl she is no longer invited to family meal

137 replies

Cheeseaddicted · 20/06/2016 18:43

My sons, 17, girlfriend, 16, is a really fussy eater, this isn't a problem usually as when cooking dinner for everyone I will just cook some nuggets for her(as that is all she eats).

One of my friends from school and her family are going to be in my town this weekend so we planned to go out for dinner and both my sons girlfriends were invited too but we decided that we would just have dinner at mine instead as we live in a fairly big farm house and we thought it would be a nicer more relaxed evening than going out.

That means now I am cooking for her family of 4 then my family of 5 plus 2 girlfriends so it would be hard for me to cook a separate meal for one person and not to mention quite embarrassing that we are all eating a nice meal and she's sat there with nuggets and chips.

I've told my son that I don't think we can have her stay for dinner but she is welcome to stay until we eat and my partner will give her a lift home half an hour before we plan on eating and he understands and agrees it's probably the best.

But I do not know how to tell her that she can't stay and the reason why. I don't want to upset her but for obvious reasons I just can't cook different meals that night.

OP posts:
HoneyDragon · 20/06/2016 18:45

Tell her what's for dinner and ask if she wants to partake ....allow her to decline then suggest she stay till dinner and gets a lift home.

expatinscotland · 20/06/2016 18:45

Just tell her to bring her own food.

Maverick66 · 20/06/2016 18:46

Agree with honey suggestion.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 20/06/2016 18:46

I think you should cook her some nuggets. If would be horrible to uninvite her.

NapQueen · 20/06/2016 18:46

If the precedent has already been set that you cook her a separate meal when she dines at yours then it would be quite rude to alter that now.

Fine if dining out in a restaurant ("this is the menu, let me know if you want to come"), but if it is at your home and historically you've always cooked for her then it would be rude to now not invite her.

It's not for you to worry about embarrassment- that's her shield to bear. You would just be being a good.host.

Kewcumber · 20/06/2016 18:47

Why can't you just say that you don't have time to cook a separate meal and give her the choice of staying for the meal as it is or going home?

FinnMcCool · 20/06/2016 18:47

I agree with Honey too.

Hiddlesnake · 20/06/2016 18:47

I wouldn't uninvite her per se. Just inform her that she's welcome to still join you, but that you will not be cooking a seperate meal. Tell her what you will be cooking and let her decide if she can eat that.

Scarydinosaurs · 20/06/2016 18:49

As Honey said. Or offer she can bring her own food. That is the polite thing to do.

OutsiderInTheGarden · 20/06/2016 18:49

Personally I wouldn't tell her that she can't stay for the meal. I would tell her what the meny is and give her the opportunity to drcline the invitation. However, if you're set on not having her there then really ypur son should talk to her. She's his gf, not yours, and he's 17; hardly a child. He knows she's very fussy, he understands why that would be awkward to accommodate in this scenario, and he knows her better than you do.

Iwasbornin1993 · 20/06/2016 18:50

I think it would be rude to uninvite her now sorry, OP. At that age it would probably really upset her to be left out too. Can't your DS cook the nuggets for her while you concentrate on the meal for everyone else?

sixinabed · 20/06/2016 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SingingTunelessly · 20/06/2016 18:50

God no don't ship her off just before the meal. Surely best if she just doesn't visit at all that day? But otherwise, you could just cook for her the way you normally do when she stays over? Sorry, I don't understand why that day is a particular problem when you normally cook differently for her anyway. Confused

OutsiderInTheGarden · 20/06/2016 18:51

*menu is, not meny. Blush Fat fingers.

BackforGood · 20/06/2016 18:52

You can just say, 'we've changed the arrangements a bit now - we're going to be having a big family dinner here instead of going out, and it will be a b it tight for numbers, so we're just having family after all. You're welcome to come over afterwards if you like'...... although you'd have to not invite the other girlfriend too....

ElspethFlashman · 20/06/2016 18:52

"Hi, just to let you know we'll be having poulet aux marron in a turnip jus on Saturday - I know you might not fancy it but you're more than welcome to try it out! Let me know before Sat if you prefer to go home to eat at yours that night & if so we'll give you a lift back in time. X."

Wheelerdeeler · 20/06/2016 18:52

I can't understand why a 15 year old would need to be invited in the 1st place.

Wheelerdeeler · 20/06/2016 18:53

*16

MadisonMontgomery · 20/06/2016 18:54

I'd just cook one meal for everyone - if she has any manners she will eat it and not make a fuss.

Arfarfanarf · 20/06/2016 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Micah · 20/06/2016 18:55

I agree with the others- tell her the menu and allow her to decline or eat what everyone else is having.

Provide lots of bread and salad!

Cooking for 12 people I'd not have room in the oven for nuggets and chips as well.

Plus it is rude of the girlfriend to sit and eat something different to that offered. Does the visiting friend have kids? What if they demand nuggets too?

How is she generally o/p? A 16 year old girl with that sort of diet I'd be keeping an eye out for eating disorders. I know nuggets and chips don't sound like ED food but it might be about knowing the calorie load compared to a home cooked meal where she can't control the ingredients or calories.

MyKingdomForBrie · 20/06/2016 18:56

Why are you telling her anything?! Give ds the choice - either she comes and he can make her nuggets/she has to eat the meal you make or he can tell her she's not staying for dinner. But much to be so involved with her at their age I think.

Original poster
Cheeseaddicted · 20/06/2016 19:00

We don't have some agreement, usually I will ask my son if he wants dinner and if he is he will ask if I can do some nuggets for her too and usually I'll only be cooking for 6 of us but this time it'll be 11. I could just put some nuggets in for her and I would but we wouldn't have room in the oven. I did tell her what we are having and said I will do her just a small plate so if she doesn't like it it won't matter but she isn't even willing to try it.

The other girlfriend lives with us so uninviting both isn't an option.

OP posts:
ClashCityRocker · 20/06/2016 19:03

I'm assuming that she isn't only eating chicken nuggets and chips for medical reasons.

That being the case, I'd just say she's welcome to join you, you're having xyz but because of the numbers, you're not going to make a special meal for her as you have eleven other guests to consider.

It's kind of you to cook her a separate meal on the occasions you do do it. I think it would be a bit mean to drive her home just before tea. Give her the choice.

Original poster
Cheeseaddicted · 20/06/2016 19:06

I don't think she has an eating disorder, she eats plenty of other things like sweets, chocolate and McDonald's, apparently she's always been a fussy eater.

mykingdomforbrie How is it too involved exactly?

wheelerdeeler she doesn't need to be invited, she was invited because she is my sons girlfriend and would most likely be over that day and staying the night as she often is. She has been with my son for 2 years now and has become part of the family. Why do you think she doesn't need to be invited?

OP posts: