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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How to tell a 16 year old girl she is no longer invited to family meal

137 replies

Cheeseaddicted · 20/06/2016 18:43

My sons, 17, girlfriend, 16, is a really fussy eater, this isn't a problem usually as when cooking dinner for everyone I will just cook some nuggets for her(as that is all she eats).

One of my friends from school and her family are going to be in my town this weekend so we planned to go out for dinner and both my sons girlfriends were invited too but we decided that we would just have dinner at mine instead as we live in a fairly big farm house and we thought it would be a nicer more relaxed evening than going out.

That means now I am cooking for her family of 4 then my family of 5 plus 2 girlfriends so it would be hard for me to cook a separate meal for one person and not to mention quite embarrassing that we are all eating a nice meal and she's sat there with nuggets and chips.

I've told my son that I don't think we can have her stay for dinner but she is welcome to stay until we eat and my partner will give her a lift home half an hour before we plan on eating and he understands and agrees it's probably the best.

But I do not know how to tell her that she can't stay and the reason why. I don't want to upset her but for obvious reasons I just can't cook different meals that night.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 20/06/2016 20:07

As someone that has Restrictive/Selective Intake Disorder

Fuck me it has a name? I would like to see what would happen if people with this 'disorder' were put in a genuine starvation setting.

OP tell her to sort herself out.. Ridiculous!

Paniniswapx3 · 20/06/2016 20:11

As Honey suggested Op, tell her what's on the menu (& unfortunately for her that doesn't include nugget) & that you'd love her to stay & enjoy the food but completely understand if she wants to leave - up to her then.

Everytimeref · 20/06/2016 20:13

I was extremely fussy as a child. I now know it was about confidence. If a meal had one ingredient I thought I didnt like I couldn't touch the meal. Please dont say this is what I am serving just eat up. I am sure she is unhappy with her limited diet but trying to force the issue or excluding her will only make it worse.

Cantusethatname · 20/06/2016 20:14

Fuck me it has a name?

It has a name, there are people who genuinely suffer from it and there are consultants who specialise in treating it. It is listed in the DSM (Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders)

HanYOLO · 20/06/2016 20:23

TBH I think it would be incredibly rude and hurtful to uninvite her.

Her diet is a PITA, I agree

This is a non problem though. Have a few bowls of crisps about before/after, and some bread on the table. She'll not starve.

HoneyDragon · 20/06/2016 20:28

I'm deffo team bread and crisps.

squidgyapple · 20/06/2016 20:28

Don't uninvited her but don't do separate nuggets for her either, tell her what you are cooking and that you aren't doing anything separate. Could you do an 'easy to eat' starter so she can eat that at least?. A friend was v fussy like her at that sort of age (encouraged by his mother who saw fussiness as a badge of honour) but improved when faced with the option of sitting at home or socialising and trying new foods.

HoneyDragon · 20/06/2016 20:29

Actually, regardless of this thread I'm team bread crisps. Pointless carbs RULE.

Onfleek · 20/06/2016 20:36

Jesus. Where are the parents of these girls? I don't understand the need to be eating and sleeping at partners houses so much.

nikkinackienoo · 20/06/2016 20:40

There are lots of things I can't eat due to a medical condition however when I'm invited out for a meal or to someone's house I never expect anyone to cater for me, even if they ask, I just work around it.
As previous posters have said tell her what you're having and she can take it or leave it.

ExitPursuedByBear · 20/06/2016 20:41

Crisp butties. Yum yum

HanYOLO · 20/06/2016 20:44

I'm sure she has the manners to sit at the table pretending to enjoy the food, and eating selectively, like people have done for all time.

gamerchick · 20/06/2016 20:45

they give owt a name these days. They'd starve in my house.

ThatsMyStapler · 20/06/2016 20:49

" but she isn't even willing to try it. "

Bollocks to that!!

"Funny how the fussy eaters always seem to manage the crap like nuggets, chocolate and McDonalds. You never seem to see a thread "I'm so fussy! I only eat carrots, kale, celery, pomegranate and banana!"

exactly

Just tell her there is no room in the oven for nuggets, so she can either eat what you are serving, pick something up at macdonalds, or come along after

LanaorAna1 · 20/06/2016 20:51

Tell her what the menu is, tell her you haven't got room for a separate meal for her in the oven, and ask her to bring her own or go home. Then engage no further.

AppleMagic · 20/06/2016 20:56

You're right gamerchick they probably would starve. Because people with very restrictive diets often would rather starve than eat beyond their limited diet.

FFS can't believe some of the comments on here. Try having a little understanding.

Coconutty · 20/06/2016 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

8DaysAWeek · 20/06/2016 20:59

What does he do for work? Every so often my DH has work dinners with colleagues from other offices, customers or overseas suppliers and cheesey pasta or pizza wouldn't be an option and neither would be not going.

That's never an issue for his work. That's great your OH has broadened his horizons but I'm sure there are varying degrees of this type of fussiness and my DHs is pretty hardcore. I totally understand how ridiculous it sounds to be so picky.

Honestly though, I have tried my hardest the past 7 years to get DH to eat other things. He will not budge, it's not worth the arguments. I chose to marry him knowing this 'flaw' so it's not fair for me to push it. He will physically vomit at the idea of eating anything out of his comfort zone.

It started when he was 1 or 2, went into hospital for suspect meningitis and wouldn't eat hospital food. When he got home his mum fed him whatever he wanted and that's how it's been since. He has brothers and sisters who eat normal food, and when we go visit (they live in France) DH will get a completely different meal while I get no choice in the matter and eat what I'm given like a normal person. During his childhood his mum claims to have tried everything, including monetary bribes, to get him to eat more

He would never expect anyone to change restaurant plans or cater a meal specifically for him and he does feel embarrassment in it. I'm sure if given a choice he would much prefer to be able to eat normal food.

I've suggested therapy but he wont entertain it, and it's a very sensitive subject.

Yes meals out are restricted to Italian restaurants and we rarely have the same meal at night. It's far from ideal but it is a 'thing' and I'm certainly not qualified to fix it!

gamerchick · 20/06/2016 21:07

See starvation, true starvation where a vegetarian would cook and eat their pet dog just to live would make a lie out of these disorders. Survival instinct can only be overridden by one other. We have the luxury to 'choose' to be a parky bugger because there's plenty of food at our disposal. Take away food full stop then you're cured funnily enough.

AppleMagic · 20/06/2016 21:10

I think you'd find the level of starvation necessary to "cure" this unpalatable in your own child though. Hence the "pandering".

GarlicSteak · 20/06/2016 21:12

Gamerchick - they die. I looked it up a few years ago, because my reaction was like yours and I found out I was wrong. There are millions of people with this disorder in food-scarce areas of Africa & Asia. They die as children because they "can't" eat the foods that are available.

SophieofShepherdsBush · 20/06/2016 21:15

Give her a crisp salad (it's a Thing, thanks for that MN)

MissBattleaxe · 20/06/2016 21:15

HoneyDragon I think you've got me mixed up. i don't have a DD.

8DaysAWeek · 20/06/2016 21:16

Gamerchick that's like saying people who are scared of flying aren't really scared of flying, because they'd choose to get on a helicopter if it meant being rescued from a burning building. Or someone with agoraphobia is just being dramatic because they would quickly leave their house if it began to flood.

SophieofShepherdsBush · 20/06/2016 21:16

But yes, include her by providing pointless carbs and easy foods as part of the meal. Not the nuggets though.

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