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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How to tell a 16 year old girl she is no longer invited to family meal

137 replies

Cheeseaddicted · 20/06/2016 18:43

My sons, 17, girlfriend, 16, is a really fussy eater, this isn't a problem usually as when cooking dinner for everyone I will just cook some nuggets for her(as that is all she eats).

One of my friends from school and her family are going to be in my town this weekend so we planned to go out for dinner and both my sons girlfriends were invited too but we decided that we would just have dinner at mine instead as we live in a fairly big farm house and we thought it would be a nicer more relaxed evening than going out.

That means now I am cooking for her family of 4 then my family of 5 plus 2 girlfriends so it would be hard for me to cook a separate meal for one person and not to mention quite embarrassing that we are all eating a nice meal and she's sat there with nuggets and chips.

I've told my son that I don't think we can have her stay for dinner but she is welcome to stay until we eat and my partner will give her a lift home half an hour before we plan on eating and he understands and agrees it's probably the best.

But I do not know how to tell her that she can't stay and the reason why. I don't want to upset her but for obvious reasons I just can't cook different meals that night.

OP posts:

sixinabed · 20/06/2016 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndNowItsSeven · 20/06/2016 19:08

Why is it embarrassing ? No normal nice person would care what she is eating.

LunaLoveg00d · 20/06/2016 19:11

Funny how the fussy eaters always seem to manage the crap like nuggets, chocolate and McDonalds. You never seem to see a thread "I'm so fussy! I only eat carrots, kale, celery, pomegranate and banana!"

I would be mortified to have such a restricted diet in almost adulthood. And she's not going to get any better with people pandering to her fussiness.

You tell her what's for dinner. If she doesn't fancy it, she goes home or doesn't eat. Very simple.

horseygeorgie1 · 20/06/2016 19:12

I would tell her straight - Cooking a dinner party for 11 does not need an additional complication like that!

Arfarfanarf · 20/06/2016 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KittensandKnitting · 20/06/2016 19:13

Allergy or intolerance and I would make the effort to make something else, but this is from everything I've seen just fussy and a bloody nightmare with everything else to do.

Id say this is what we will be having be lovely if you will still join us.

1stworldproblemss · 20/06/2016 19:14

OP, you will often find on MN a few parents that are of the opinion that even saying hi to your children's partners is too involved 😂I wouldnt worry too much about it. All mine and my partners children's, between 16 and 19, partners are invited to most things we do no matter how long they've been together.

It's nice of you to cook a separate meal for her when you do.

Just explain to her you won't have room or time to cook something different for her so she isn't able to stay anymore unless she is willing to try what you cook.

Probably a bit of a long shot but if she eats McDonald's could you just pop to McDonald's and grab her something shortly before your serving up dinner so she can still eat with all the family. Your partner was okay to take her home so instead could he just go to McDonald's?

IndridCold · 20/06/2016 19:14

Don't uninvite her. Tell your DS that you aren't going to have time to cater separately for her on this occasion as there are so many people, and let him explain it isn't meant unkindly and she is welcome to eat whatever she fancies. If she knows you that well she should understand.

Mominatrix · 20/06/2016 19:17

Well, I would say that no normal nice person demand that they be served something different from the rest of a large party which the hostess would have to specially prepare.

emotionsecho · 20/06/2016 19:17

Luna I've often wondered that too.

JanetRomano · 20/06/2016 19:18

Both my daughter's bf's eat dinner here alot and I always tell them before what I am cooking. That way they can choose to stay for dinner or not, I leave it up to them. In our case though the two bf's will eat anything so they rarely decline a free meal!

Original poster

Cheeseaddicted · 20/06/2016 19:19

Just emabressing for her, not me. Of course she might have a different veiw but at 16 if I was eating nuggets when an 8 year old is happy to eat more proper food then I'd be a bit embarrassed.

Funny you say that 1stworldproblemss I was just telling my husband that the Nandos near us is doing take aways now that we could go and pick up something for her from there as she likes Nandos.

OP posts:

Ginkypig · 20/06/2016 19:20

What are you making?

I like a good bit of menu porn

GarlicSteak · 20/06/2016 19:20

Probably a bit of a long shot but if she eats McDonald's could you just pop to McDonald's and grab her something

Exactly what I was going to suggest - only I thought KFC, given the nuggets Possibly DS or DP could help out here?

GarlicSteak · 20/06/2016 19:21

Oh, she like Nandos! There, she does eat normal food

thrillhouse · 20/06/2016 19:22

not to mention quite embarrassing that we are all eating a nice meal and she's sat there with nuggets and chips

That's really, really mean. It's ok, you just think of your social standing rather than hurting this kid's feelings.

It wouldn't exactly be difficult to just do her something she'll eat, especially if it's something as piss easy as nuggets!

Cantusethatname · 20/06/2016 19:22

Remember she might be your daughter in law.
Invite her down to the kitchen to help you and get her to do hers while you chat. Nuggets and chips don't take any room really.

TooMuchMNTime · 20/06/2016 19:22

Elspeth's wording is great, go with that.

thrillhouse · 20/06/2016 19:24

Luna she might be mortified herself. I doubt she's doing it on purpose.

LunaLoveg00d · 20/06/2016 19:25

OP said she wasn't even prepared to try the meal she was intending to cook.

That's rude and most definitely "doing it on purpose".

toffeenose · 20/06/2016 19:27

She is going to have to deal with eating food that isn't her favourite at some point or it will impact on her life in many ways. Personally I wouldn't pander to it, you're not doing her any favours.

Cantusethatname · 20/06/2016 19:27

I would do the different meal for my faddy DS10 and I would do it for my son's 17 year old gf who also only eats nuggets (and toast!) I want her to feel welcome, relaxed and at home in my house. While she is my son's gf I will treat her like my own daughter.

EssentialHummus · 20/06/2016 19:28

Tell her what's for dinner and ask if she wants to partake ....allow her to decline then suggest she stay till dinner and gets a lift home.

Honey nailed it in one. It's nice of you to cook for her specially day to day, but it's not on when you're catering for 11, especially when everyone (including the eight year old) eat what's put in front of them.

Viviennemary · 20/06/2016 19:28

I'd tell her what food will be served at dinner. If she doesn't want to eat it then there is no point in her coming. And stop pandering to her whims. Eat what she's given or eat at her own house.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 20/06/2016 19:30

My DS is 11 and perfectly capable of bunging some nuggets in the oven.

If he was 17 and had a fussy girlfriend I'd be telling him to cook them for her.

Or what Honeydragon said.

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