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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14 yo refusing to come home

129 replies

bobalinga · 15/01/2007 00:41

My 14 yo daughter has just phoned from a friends house and is refusing to come home becuase I wouldn't ket her go to a party. Its 1am and the police have been called.
Anyone been through this?
What happened?
She says she wants to live at her friends house. The dad (single dad) wouldn't come to the phone - he's a drunk hippy.
Now what?

OP posts:
brimfull · 15/01/2007 00:43

Did you know where she was?What's she doing out so late?YOu must have been worried sick
Prob best to leave it until the morning now though.

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 00:51

Police have been called. I was expecting this man to bring her home from another friends house at 10.

OP posts:
brimfull · 15/01/2007 00:54

did you call the police?

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 00:55

Yes I did. She's 14. Not old enought odecide to leave home. And legally, she can't go and live with her mate and her mates dad!

OP posts:
Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 00:57

I'm fusrious and worried and just stressed to the yeballs right now.
She's had everything. Home educated cos she didn't like school, no chores, very laid back rules.
IDon't know what to do

OP posts:
Carmenere · 15/01/2007 00:58

I probably would go over to the house and drag her out by the hair, stuff her in the car, drive her home and lock her in her bedroom. Little madam.

brimfull · 15/01/2007 00:59

Oh god I'm so sorry .
How far away is she?

brimfull · 15/01/2007 01:00

Could you talk to her friend,get her on your side?

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 01:06

Unfortunately the father of her mate is Mister laid back drunk who thinks cos I have to some rules I'm a bad mother. So he (single man and 38. should know better) is egging her on.

OP posts:
nwgreenmum · 15/01/2007 01:10

I'm mother of 17 yr old ds (devil son). I live the teenage hell (as well as having the 7yr old and 5 month old).
There is so little you can do, but I am rooting for you. I want to give you my phone number so I can talk to ou as this is no good!

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 01:12

I've also got 2 boys (13 and 11) and a 2 yo who is severely disabled with cerebral palsy. I really don't nee d to be up at 1am dealing with this.
I can't see how we can repair our relationship after this and I'm so stressed ad don't know what to do. She doesn't care for anyone but herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 01:14

If this man was a normal decent parent and adult he wouldn't be egging her on and siding with a 14 yo against her parents. \He is a total dick and irresponsible.
But then he turned his own 2 teens against their mother and they refuse to see her.

OP posts:
nwgreenmum · 15/01/2007 01:16

They do still care for you, but it is a strange place that they are in. You do need sleep but if you want to email me it is [email protected] and I will send you my phone number

nwgreenmum · 15/01/2007 01:18

I have also dealt with 'interesting' parents. Also once they are that age the people they hang out with influence them so much more that you can hope to,,,

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 01:23

Thanks nwgreen, thats really kind. I will email you tomorrow. Sat here waiting for the police to phone.
Sometimes I think my daughter has some sort of personality disorder she is so vile. But others tell me she is mature and sweet natured. I just don't know where I went wrong. I would never have dared diss my mother and I thought if I raised my kids with respect and considered their feelings I wouldn't have this sort of thing happen.

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 15/01/2007 01:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 01:26

Still waiting. Called them at 1 and they said we were next on the list. They also said a 14 yo couldn't legally stay at some non-relatives house cos she 'felt' like it.
Dunno what will happen now

OP posts:
nwgreenmum · 15/01/2007 01:29

LOL.
I know it is not a laughing matter but the girlfriend my DS1 had was so sweet and polite and lovely.... dum dum dum (please imagine singing that) ... then I heard her speaking to her mother. She was VILE to her own mother. Like she hated her.
All of my sons friends were lovely when they visited, but that was not the story from the parents.
And they all thought my son was the most polite, considerate person on earth, and while he was home nothing was further from the truth!

nwgreenmum · 15/01/2007 01:33

Any news?

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 01:34

Nope. 1.30.Still sat here so tired.
Just going over and over in my mind. I know I wasn't too hard on her, she has so much freedom compared to most teens but its these bloody hippy adults in the Home education community who think if you actually want to know where your child is you are an evil oppressive parents and should be thwarted.

OP posts:
nwgreenmum · 15/01/2007 01:41

Pah! to them. (that is me being v polite)

nwgreenmum · 15/01/2007 01:46

You must be so knackered, and knowing that you must get up and with it tomrrow. I have to do that but tomorrow will include Dh in the am as he is on night shift next week for the first time in ages ( he is armed forces) so I will have late morning help but have to face the gauntlet of multiple bed/bath/bedtimes on my own.

ForeverBlowingBubbles · 15/01/2007 01:46

Only just seen this and am about to go to bed, but just wanted to say...

I was brought up by hippy parents who had lots of hippy friends, and I like to think I turned out pretty well. I also went through the horrible teenager phase (I think most kids do) but I'm lovely now!

Seriously, I hope your daughter comes home (hopefully the police might go and fetch her?) and I hope the two of you manage to sort things out for the best. You must be so stressed right now and I know it's easy to say but try not to worry. I'll come back tomorrow and catch up.

Original poster
bobalinga · 15/01/2007 01:49

Police are on their way to this jerks house. I've made it clear she's 14 and I want her home.
Now to wait and see what happens.
Thankyou so much for all the support. If I don't update later I will tomorrow.

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 15/01/2007 01:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.