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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Would you leave your 16 1/2yo teen home alone for a week?

99 replies

bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 12:36

I know there is another thread about this but, with 3 days notice and a skiing holiday that she has loved for the past 11 years, mine is saying she is not coming, and is saying we are being unreasonable for not wanting her to stay home alone for a week.

DD is 16 1/2 and in Y12 doing AS levels.

OP posts:
NetballHoop · 10/02/2016 12:38

I wouldn't, but I'm a bit over protective. Could she stay with family?

WoodleyPixie · 10/02/2016 12:40

i would if I felt they could be trusted. we did leave ds 1 when he was about the same age, however that was a uk holiday.

We did come home ot virtually every plate/pot/pan on the side in the kitchen and no sides wiped down, wee on the loo floor (id normally mop each day or wipe flash wipes around the floor by the loo) and a weeks worth of dog hair on the floors and dog poo in the garden, where he hadn't walked the dogs, although insisted that he had.

WorraLiberty · 10/02/2016 12:40

Eldest DC at that age, no way.

Middle DC (he's that age now), yes absolutely.

It totally depends on the teenager but I have to say there's no way I would be happy at the last minute change of plan.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 10/02/2016 12:44

Fundementally yes, but how much will this late decision cost you? Is she likely to throw wild parties, or accidentally wild parties?

ChipsandGuac · 10/02/2016 12:44

3 days before a presumably fully paid for holiday? Mine would be getting a "Get over yourself and go pack your case" from me.

LittleCandle · 10/02/2016 12:48

I did and had no problem, but she hadn't been included in the holiday. She was fine. However, if I had paid for a holiday and then she decided not to go, she'd be told in no uncertain terms that she was incredibly ungrateful and had no choice; she's going!

Original poster
bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 12:54

We are driving and staying in an apartment, so it's not like we would be wasting her ticket IYSWIM.

It's more about her age/whether we would feel OK leaving her in the house and that it's a last minute thing from her.

OP posts:
PolovesTubbyCustard · 10/02/2016 12:56

I would, and did, leave my DS at 16. But he is very unlikely to have wild parties or do anything out of the norm.

You know your DD best though. They are all different.

madwomanacrosstheroad · 10/02/2016 13:00

I did and he had a party that went out of hand. We were nearly uninsurable for a few years after. Was word got round and friends of friends...

leonardthelemming · 10/02/2016 13:00

Well, if you've read my endless posts on the other thread you will know I'm going to say yes, BUT...

Three days notice!! In the other thread it's more like three months. If you have paid for her to go I think I would be asking for the money back, even if it's over a period of time.

However, as I seem to have said numerous times, you cannot force her to go, so you have no choice but to let her stay. Sorry. Do you have a real problem with her being in the house? Unless you think there's a serious risk of wild parties I wouldn't worry too much. She could move out and live on her own, after all.

Original poster
bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 13:06

Gosh, I am really surprised at a virtually unanimous yesShock

I am a bit worried about the risk of a wild party or two although she is more than aware of the possibilities of things going wrong wrt parties.
She is not a "stay in her room gaming all day/night" teen. I think she would probably have her bf over the entire time (which wouldn't be that much of a problem) and maybe invite other friends round too. I guess that is my main concern.

OP posts:
Blu · 10/02/2016 13:12

I would be concerned about a growing number of friends seeing your house as a gathering spot, and worry about the position that put her in. How would she cope if a FaceBook generated huge group of people turned up?

PolovesTubbyCustard · 10/02/2016 13:21

Is there anyone near by who could keep an eye on her/the house ?

A relative within short drive ? The threat of a random visit would surely prevent her from arranging anything party wise ?

leonardthelemming · 10/02/2016 13:35

If she is aware of the risk of wild parties she sounds pretty sensible. Can she assure you it will just be a few friends/boyfriend? Despite social media, parties are not compulsory when parents are absent. There was no evidence of anything like that when our son lived alone in our house for the whole of his A levels. If she has her boyfriend over it might give her an in-depth understanding of the practicalities of living together!

Original poster
bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 13:48

Yes, Blu, I am worried about the no. of friends knowing growing. We have friends nearby, but they cant be expected to keep checking on her. Idea of a random visit from grandparents might help, but they live 100 miles away and may not be able to actually come (not even considered asking yet as we haven't got that far)
We live in London so no problem with transport for teens to turn up at the house

leonard, I wish I was as cool as you!

OP posts:
Lightbulbon · 10/02/2016 13:52

Do you mean boyfriend or best friend?

No wonder she doesn't want to go if she can have a love nest for a week!

Wouldn't anyone choose that!?

LineyReborn · 10/02/2016 13:57

In the circumstances you describe, no.

I wouldn't enjoy the holiday for worrying about DD and my home. My DD at that age had a couple of very selfish friends who would just have moved themselves in and probably trashed the place and pissed off the neighbours.

Three days' notice is not enough to organise around this.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/02/2016 13:59

Short answer - absolutelynofuckingway! Grin

Curiousflannel · 10/02/2016 14:30

I wouldn't. My dd is the same age. I could not trust her to look after the place properly and there would no doubt be numerous friends staying over and parties galore. But that's just my dd.

Ds I probably would have at that age.

cressetmama · 10/02/2016 14:34

A week at such short notice, possibly (probably) not, but a couple of days/nights we have found is okay. The stories of sleepovers seep out gradually but nothing too bad appears to have happened, yet. DS is generally sensible and fairly conscientious. He will have to get himself up for two mornings school next time so we shall see. Mind you, keeping him away from a skiing holiday would be nigh on impossible anyway.

Original poster
bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 15:05

bf = boyfriend

Bibbity, this is what we have said to her! However she says we are being unreasonable and I wanted to see what others think. RL friends all say nofuckingway too, so I don't think she would be able to cite friends whose parents would let them do it. I am quite amazed at how many would on here. If it had been planned way ahead, I might view it differently - we will probably leave her for a couple of days at Easter although she doesn't know that yet!

I can't believe she is wanting to give up a skiing holiday either.

OP posts:
KikiTheFrog · 10/02/2016 15:11

I will join in and say nofuckingway too. Granny would be coming to stay, although I wouldn't really want to subject the poor woman to dd's shenanigans!

toffeeboffin · 10/02/2016 15:13

My parents left me and my bro for one week. I was 16, brother was nearly 18.

We survived.

magimedi · 10/02/2016 15:13

No way!

If she had asked about this when the holiday was being booked I might have looked into it.

Doing this 3 days before you go is not on & I would be suspicious that she has a party planned.

Original poster
bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 15:14

So 5 for plus 2 maybes and 6 against so far.

OP posts: