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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Would you leave your 16 1/2yo teen home alone for a week?

99 replies

bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 12:36

I know there is another thread about this but, with 3 days notice and a skiing holiday that she has loved for the past 11 years, mine is saying she is not coming, and is saying we are being unreasonable for not wanting her to stay home alone for a week.

DD is 16 1/2 and in Y12 doing AS levels.

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NotJanine · 10/02/2016 17:09

Absolutely not!

I've seen the damage that can occur. Taking the bf sounds like a better idea

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bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 17:15

She went away with friends in the summer - 4 days at Reading! They had a ball, kept in contact - I had no concerns whatsoever. However, a week in our house isn't at all the same thing!

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magimedi · 10/02/2016 17:19

Sometimes you just have to be the very unpopular adult & put foot down.

Tough & I'd say you'll negotiate future holidays but 3 days notice is not reasonable.

Tell her she doesn't have to ski & can go & spend they day somewhere with wifi.

And surely she can take her books with her & revise at the chalet??

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yongnian · 10/02/2016 17:25

I was left at that age completely alone for six weeks whilst my parents were literally on the other side of the world. I was doing my A levels. I did survive...but I absolutely would not do it to a child of mine.
For a week..I'd consider it if your child could cope...but not with 3 days notice.

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bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 18:03

MM, DH has said all that to her in texts all day, but apparently he is being unreasonable not letting her just stay here.

I am going to tell her that unless she finds somewhere to stay, we think I will have to stay home with her. Which I guess I will have to do unless we can find an alternative.

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bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 18:03

Or she agrees to come.

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bibbitybobbityyhat · 10/02/2016 18:15

Do you honestly think any of her friends would be allowed to do this? Don't stay home with her! that's just not on, it's your holiday too. Can you get her bf's parents on your side?

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Sparklycat · 10/02/2016 18:16

Why has she suddenly decided with 3 days to go that she's not coming? I'd be really suspicious for that reason alone...has she just got a new boyfriend (that you either do or don't know about?) and wants to spend a week with no parents with him. Or has she decided on having all her mates over all week etc?

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Sparklycat · 10/02/2016 18:18

Oh I see she has a boyfriend and wanted to take him on holiday too, she's obviously just decided in the throes of teenage love that she can't live without seeing him for a week and wants to stay.

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bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 18:36

I doubt any of her friends would be allowed to do it. I haven't met the bf's parents.

Definitely no new bf - he's here now I'm sure the throes of teenage love has a lot to do with it - they've been together about 5months.

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averythinline · 10/02/2016 18:36

No way - the 3 days notice thing is too much ...if it had been planned she wasn't coming yes (although I can still remember what i was like as a teenager so am not sure i'll ever leave ds at home on his own for an extended time) ....pulling out just before NO WAY ..

Will you enjoy your holiday as much??? she can revise there

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bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 18:40

16 no, 10 yes, 2 maybe.

Waiting for DH to come in so we can have a chat about what to say and talk to her...

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SevenOfNineTrue · 10/02/2016 18:41

Heck no

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ProfGrammaticus · 10/02/2016 18:41

Hmmmm. So you could come back to a grandchild on the way ? 😨

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leonardthelemming · 10/02/2016 18:53

Just had a thought whilst doing some cycle maintenance - it's very therapeutic...

It's the boyfriend thing. You said she asked if he could go too. How long ago was that? When did you tell her no? It seems obvious now that she just wants to spend time with him. Is the three days all the notice she could give since you told her he couldn't come? Is there really no way you could take him?

And perhaps she doesn't want to stay at his because his parents are of the "not under my roof" school of thought - although that's less common for boys' parents, so I gather. If she just wants some alone time with him they won't want a load of mates round so probably no parties after all.

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WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 10/02/2016 19:00

I was left at this age for three weeks and survived.

I had a very tiny party, about ten people but it did get slightly crazy. Someone trimmed all the dogs hair, fag burn in the sitting room carpet, oven door handle broken, worktop dyed blue, someone shagged a lad in my parents bed!

And I was a very sensible geeky teen! . Amazingly my parents never found out.

I would leave dd home alone if she was happy to be left as I think she is even more sensible than I was.

But from what you're saying about your dd and being worried about a party I don't think I would.

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temporaryusername · 10/02/2016 19:07

I don't have doc but I think I was home alone for that kind of time at that age, and it was absolutely fine. More capable then than I am now, actually. But I was not the one requesting to stay home alone, and if I had given 3 days notice and kicked up a fuss like your DD, I don't think it would have happened. I think your DD is certainly old enough, but it isn't just about age and in these exact circumstances not sure.

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Archfarchnad · 10/02/2016 19:18

I wouldn't be fundamentally against it for a 16yo, but would be very wary of it with your DD1 behaving so tremendously immaturely, and I would be incensed at essentially getting three days notice of her 'change of plan'.

No, you can't physically force a teenager of that age into a car, but you can make it very clear that her refusal to come will lead to all sorts of dire punishments (allowance stopped, wi-fi blocked, phone confiscated, the works really). The problem is that if she does come unwillingly, she might end up ruining the whole holiday for all of you (happened to a friend of mine on their skiing holiday; equipment booked and ski pass bought for 16yo DD, then she sulked the entire week in the hotel room). But ultimately I think you have to put your foot down here - not primarily the fear that she'll get the house wrecked or herself pregnant, but more in acknowledgement of her lack of consideration, and the thought that anyone being so immature would not be able to deal with problems when half the town turns up unannounced.

Just to give something of an international perspective, one of DD1's friends was left at home alone for two weeks a few years back - at the age of 15! In the country where we live apparently it's completely legal, but it shocked me. Mum's a lawyer too. Overnight OK (DD1 was left for two days and one night at that age because she wanted to study for a test, honestly), but a fortnight, wow.

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bigTillyMint · 10/02/2016 19:50

I can't see how we can take him. Even if he has skiing kit (not sure he has ever skied), we are renting a place from an old French lady who is meeting us with the keys on Sat night. I don't for a minute think she would agree to it as the contract states 2 adults and 2 children (we have DS too!)
I don't think he'd even bother asking his dad if she could stay.

Yes, I am worried she will ruin the entire holiday. Certainly definitely the journey there. In the car.

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WeAllHaveWings · 10/02/2016 20:01

My mum left me home along for 2 nights when I was 17, based on what I got up to with a few friends I'm firmly in the nofuckingway camp. Although as far as I'm aware mum and dad to this day are oblivious, and I'm shocked they didn't find the burn marks under the fresh emulsion paint (over gloss).

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nephrofox · 10/02/2016 20:11

I was left for a week at a time from the age of about 14. No problem at all.

But I wouldn't do it to my child (I wasn't given the option of going on the hol) and I would he suspicious about the 3 days notice.

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Tootsieglitterballs · 10/02/2016 20:17

When I was this age, I'd have been told I was going and like it or lump it.

whilst living under your roof, abides by your rules.

If she's still at school too, I think that stands even more.

Once I'd got a full time job at 17, rules became a lot more relaxed, and at 18 I moved out.

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FanSpamTastic · 10/02/2016 20:20

It would depend on the child and the circumstances. If this had been planned months ago, that she would not come say because she had exams right after the holiday then fine. But all sounds a bit suspicious and she sounds like she is being a bit bratty about it. Which would have my hackles up! I'd be saying no way.

Is she worried that boyfriend may cheat on her? Is there some big party on that she would miss? I would try and get to the bottom of what is causing her to behave like this?

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FanSpamTastic · 10/02/2016 20:26

Is it possible that she is planning to sleep with boyfriend for the first time? So just wants you all out of the way?

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NorbertDentressangle · 10/02/2016 20:40

I'm in the "hell,no" camp I'm afraid.

My DD is 16 and I reckon if I left her she'd spend the entire week on the sofa or in bed, watching YouTube videos and crap TV, eating stuff like popcorn, pancakes.Then at night she'd realise she doesn't like being on her own in the house overnight.

If she had a boyfriend or there were any likely candidates on the horizon it would be an even bigger no!