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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Leaving teenagers at home during family holiday

101 replies

mull66 · 12/01/2016 20:42

DD1 15 (16 this summer) insists that she is old enough not to go on family holiday. Personally I do not feeling comfortable leaving her as is simply too young. Would love to go somewhere with the family but she says she hates us and wants to stay at home and work to get money for festival spending etc. have asked my friends about this who say they would take their teens on holiday and would never leave them alone for a week but DD1 says that none of her friends are going on family holidays and I know that some of them have already been left alone over night but personally I think that's neglegant parenting. AIBU to make her come on holiday? Have offered her residential course alternatives or staying with grandparents but she says it's lame and she would just leave. What should I do?

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 12/01/2016 20:46

I've had this battle with son1 who will be 16 in July.
I think he's too young to be left.
I've bribed him to come with us by allowing him to go to Boardmasters festival in August.
We are doing an all inclusive in Ibiza. Not far from San Antonio. Hoping he will pal up with kids his age.
Can your daughter take a friend?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/01/2016 20:49

I wouldn't leave my just 16 year old at home for a week or more. I don't know how I'd go about it all though if I were you. Bribery? We just plan holidays we know our teenagers will love.

SixtyFootDoll · 12/01/2016 20:53

What sort of holidays do you book thickandthin?
I really struggled.
In the end I booked something that me, husband and 13 yr old would like.
We are doing first choice holiday village in Ibiza.

Original poster
mull66 · 12/01/2016 20:59

No idea what kind of holiday it would be but tbh she's been miserable on family holidays for some years now and last summer I did say that was the last time she would have to go on one (extended family had already booked) but now I just don't feel comfortable. What's worse is dh clearly takes DD's side but doesn't say anything

OP posts:
Original poster
mull66 · 12/01/2016 21:01

Would not expose friends to us and if friends are being left alone unlikely they want to regain adult supervision

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/01/2016 21:12

Anywhere with a water park Sixty seems to do the trick. Although tbf we did a biggie last summer, a California road trip, which I guess not everyone can or would like to do.

cdtaylornats · 12/01/2016 21:12

I stayed at home for 2 weeks when I was 16, everything was fine. Although my Aunt turned up on the last day to clean up.

On the other hand a friend left his 18 year old sun for a week and when the lad got home from dropping them at the airport he found a doorman waiting. His Dad owned a pub and had arranged 24 hour a day bouncers for the house. As he said - expensive - but peace of mind - priceless.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/01/2016 21:13

Could the grandparents move in to your house for the time you are away, if she won't stay with them?

Jinsky · 12/01/2016 21:14

We left our ds (nearly 17) at home for 6 days last summer (his request) and had a very relaxing time without his drama, sulking, insults etc. He got on fine at home without us. The house was almost tidier when we got home than before!
We have since had a short break without him with ds2 - again very peaceful and one with him ending in drama and tantrums (his) and bruises (mine), both physical and emotional.

I think 16 is ok to leave them, if you trust them. Some 16 year olds are probably not ready for it, though.

Original poster
mull66 · 12/01/2016 21:39

Grandparents too old and far to stay and would be unreasonable to ask them considering DD's attitude IMO. I know she wouldn't have a party- too lazy to clean up and is very introverted. Would just watch movies and smoke after work before sleeping for 12+ hours

OP posts:
Notso · 12/01/2016 21:39

What kind of holidays are you going on. We don't go on loads of holidays and I'd be really pissed of if DD sulked or was miserable on holiday with us.
She never would be, even on our rainy week in Tenby last year she didn't grumble as she knows she is lucky to get a holiday at all.

Its hard to say about leaving them alone. All DD's friends who are left alone for a week at a time have parties and generally their parents don't seem to give a toss about them. They are happy to let them drink, stay out in fields with much older teens etc. I wouldn't let DD stay alone because I know she'd be persuaded to have a party. DD would be happy to stay at her GP's though.

Savagebeauty · 12/01/2016 21:44

Dd hates holidays and stayed at home for a week when she was 16.
She was fine. Loved the independence. Neighbours and friends kept an eye a d we left her a couple of hundred quid so she could go to theatre, restaurants etc.

StarOnTheTree · 12/01/2016 21:49

I don't think 16 is too young to stay at home for a week as long as there's an element of adult supervision. I might leave DD2 who is 16 in July for a week in the summer but she's lovely and can be trusted. DD1 who is 19 will be floating about, my neighbours are fab, I've got friends who will swoop in at a moment's notice if need be and I'll only be an hour away.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 12/01/2016 21:59

I had the same dilemma with DS 16. But then DM reminded me that I insisted on being left when they went away when I was 16 - and that was a driving hol through France before mobile phones! I think that was possibly a bit irresponsible of them but a week if you're in the UK and contactable shouldn't be a problem.

SixtyFootDoll · 12/01/2016 22:59

Ha Thickandthin, water park on site!

Socialaddict · 13/01/2016 09:17

We always book the holidays according to our DD's interests. Usually she is the one to choose the destinations and we go along with it. It has worked perfectly until now. Once, she has left home, we can go anywhere we fancy. That is how I see it.

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2016 09:22

I would let DS1 (16.6) stay at home if he wanted. I stopped going on family holidays at that age.

At 16 I started to go on holiday with friends rather than my parents.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 13/01/2016 09:22

I stopped going on family holidays when I was 16. I was at the height of my teenage moody phase and just didn't enjoy hanging around with my parents. My parents were fine with leaving me by myself- much better than paying for me to go and then trying to jolly me along when I didn't want to be there. I was pretty sensible. I used to have the odd friend over but other than that just used to enjoy cooking what I wanted and having unlimited use of the TV.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 13/01/2016 10:04

That's what I think too Social.

Have fun Sixty, Dh and I normally join in as well - we tend to be the oldest people going down water slides by about 25 years!

Wolfiefan · 13/01/2016 10:07

Could she bring a friend?

Pidapie · 13/01/2016 10:13

I was left home alone at 16 when my parents went on holiday to a different country. Was not a problem. I think you have to see how responsible the 16 year old is, if she is able to cook for herself and be sensible, not wreck the house and so on!

Mrsboathook · 13/01/2016 10:33

My parents left me for a month when I was your dd's age. No problems, returned to a cleaner, tidier house than they left.
I was a very boring teenager though.

wanderings · 13/01/2016 10:42

At 16 I stayed at several relatives' houses when my parents went abroad (with a carefully timed phone call to tell them my GCSE results).

Sparklingbrook · 13/01/2016 10:46

It has dawned on me that at 16.3 I had a full time job so as well as not wanting to go away with my parents I doubt I would have been able to get the time off anyway.

That said, i think I was much more mature than some 16 year olds i meet now.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/01/2016 10:53

Options:

  1. Renege on your promise and insist she comes
  2. Allow her to stay at home and ask friends/neighbours to keep an eye. Ensure that she knows that you've asked and that they are "on call" if she has an emergency [feels unsafe/plumbing goes or whatever]
  3. Allow her to stay at home but invite a friend/cousin to stay for the two weeks [party is more likely depending on their personality in my exp]
  4. Book her a teen holiday at the same time as you are away. www.exodus.co.uk or similar
  5. Tell her that you would really like her to join you as she will be off to uni soon, ask her to arrange it / find venues that she likes the look of and see what she comes up with.