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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

975 replies

Ledkr · 27/11/2015 09:01

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far

OP posts:

girlandboy · 13/06/2016 22:47

Peebles1 Thanks! I'm hoping that he'll be able to "wing it" with his GCSE's. He's never put much effort into schooling, his reports have always stated that he does the bare minimum to scrape through. Fingers crossed.
He actually WANTS to go to college to do a BTEC course in Games Development after his GCSE's!!! It's the first time I've ever seen him enthusiastic about education, so I'm hoping he'll get enough qualifications to do it. So you'd think he'd put a bit of effort into revision and making sure he gets there! As you say, I'm hoping the school put in the time for his revision there, coz it sure isn't happening here!

And hi snailracer - welcome!!

Peebles1 · 14/06/2016 11:34

Girlandboy I don't think they make the connection between working now equating to achieving their goal. DD sometimes makes the connection and talks about putting in more effort. But the actual doing she finds is beyond her!

However, great that your DS knows what he wants to do and is showing enthusiasm for it. That's half the battle. Hopefully he'll get there and things will be different. GCSEs are rather boring as you're forced to do a load of subjects you don't even like.

girlandboy · 14/06/2016 13:29

Peebles1 Yes, hopefully he'll get there. He only needs to get 5 GCSE's at grade C or above to do the course he wants. Hopefully he'll manage that.

I've just taken him to school for his History exam. I know he's not done any revision at home for this, so I hope they covered things in class. Anyway, it's out of my hands

Frusmum07 · 14/06/2016 21:17

I'm in too, thanks for starting this thread x

Peebles1 · 14/06/2016 21:32

Hi Frusmum. Read your thread. Hard work isn't it? Hopefully you'll find some good advice and support on here. My DD went crazy last year, at 17, and was out till silly o'clock all the time.

How did your DS get on girlandboy? DD had psychology A-level today - was lucky and the questions she looked at last night came up. One exam left - Friday, I'm hitting the wine in celebration!!

Frusmum07 · 14/06/2016 22:00

I'm just hoping that he gets into college in September, not exactly ideal as he hasn't any qualifications but maybe doing a practical course will suit him better. He has missed so much school due to refusing to attend there was no point battling with him to stay there. It's a huge support reading everyone else's experiences.

girlandboy · 15/06/2016 14:37

Well his History GCSE didn't go as well as he'd hoped. Most questions were on stuff that he didn't know but he said he "aced" the last question!
Time will tell....

I've just taken him for his Chemistry exam, nothing tomorrow and then his last exam is Physics on Friday morning. And then he's finished until September!

I whipped his bedroom curtains open today and he was like some sort of vampire cringing from the light! Shocking aren't I

Peebles1 · 15/06/2016 18:43

You'll be joining me for on Friday then!!

girlandboy · 15/06/2016 19:23

Absolutely
With some too!

Mum1999 · 16/06/2016 15:28

Hi new poster here, looking for safe place to sound off! Mum to 17 year old girl who has just finished AS levels. I am also a carer (and work full time) for her step-dad who has MND and deteriorating...

DD is a lazy cow. Nothing is her fault, nothing is her responsibility, any problems are down to everyone else. That's it.

Good to know there are people in the same boat as me, and I am looking forward to being able to get off this boat soon ARGHHHH!

Frusmum07 · 16/06/2016 15:45

Congratulations to all of you whose children have finished there exams, good luck to them all! Lazy summer ahead

MariaSklodowska · 16/06/2016 15:57

My son did get some GCSEs which was good. Then he started a business course. then he gave it up and got involved with some drug dealers one of whom came round and smacked me in the face. Then he kept stealing my cars and money so i asked him to leave.
Then I had to move out of the house after the incident and have a room in a house but my son stole my landlady's car.
Then he was in a youth support accom but got thrown out for not sleeping there.
Then he got a static caravan in the countryside and has slept there a few times.
Last night he missed his bus and had to go and sleep in a doorway.
I was sitting beside him crying a BIT then went and got him a quilt and the dog and some money for chips.
He cries a lot and says he can see no future.
His dad has no interest in him whatsoever.
I was telling MY dad about him and he said he is not depressed and perhaps he should volunteer in a hospice. Which just really annoyed me because it was a stupid thing to say and actualy really unhelpful.
My dad seems to think that because one of his sons got diagnosed with the big S that he now an expert. Anyway son does have an appointment about his mental health tomorrow.
When i suggested he might hav a mental health problem he went mad at me. Then calmed down and said yes he might. He smokes a lot of weed and has also taken acid and E.
If only I could rent a flat in a different part of the country so we could make a fresh start but I dont have the money. We live in an economically deprived area which is part of our problem.
The police in this town are underoccupied and use full strip searches as punishment for little boys that are annoying them. So he has been strip searched several times.
WTF can anyone offer any words of advice please.

Frusmum07 · 16/06/2016 16:05

Their

gandalf456 · 17/06/2016 14:27

Well, after a quiet two weeks, it's all kicked off. DD smashed the ipad in a fit of rage. I didn't realise it was broken because she chucks it all the time but, the other morning, it did not work and she admitted it, quietly and shamefully. So, I thought she'd learnt her lesson but came home last night full of attitude and was not sorry. She would not come away from the TV and went nuts at us.

Reluctantly, I have taken money from her bank account, which I really did not want to do but she has to learn. It is not the first time she has broken something. She frequently smashes things in temper. The walls have cracks in them and bits of plaster coming off. She has even scratched and punched me, too. I'm tired of explaining to myself, oh, it's old, oh, well we need to do work to the house anyway. It's not acceptable.

MariaSklodowska · 17/06/2016 14:42

how old is she Gandalf?

gandalf456 · 17/06/2016 14:43

She's only 12. Seems way too young for this. She's always been a bit tricky but the start of secondary school has tipped her over the edge, mood wise.

MariaSklodowska · 17/06/2016 14:49

does she behave well at school?

gandalf456 · 17/06/2016 17:09

Her behaviour is ok but can be chatty in class and has some issues with concentration. She tends to play up to the class joker to impress her friends. She is in the lower sets but one teacher said she's too bright to be in there and needs to work faster and have better organisation skills. Overall, she's ok and she herself says she's more easygoing with her friends. So I'm inferring that she feels a lot of pressure and lets it out at home

Moetandchandon · 01/07/2016 00:31

How is everyone doing? Hopefully things are good after the pressure of exams and now that the end of term is approaching.
Dd is just "chillin" as she says. That means going out all the time and doing nothing. I asked her to make her bed the other day, which she did, and I was very happy about this! My expectations really are rock bottom! So she has sorted out a drawer in her room and made her bed once since she finished college for the summer. That's it!

user1466627054 · 01/07/2016 20:24

So glad I have found you all, i have a 15 year old daughter who up till about 3/4 months ago was pretty lovely. All of sudden she has turned all Jekyll and Hyde.

She is fine when she is getting her own way but as soon as she is challenged about something or told 'no' she says the most hurtful things she can think of, becomes very irrational and flies of the handle. She has also become quite disruptive at school, often turning up late and not focusing in lessons. She takes her GCSE's next summer and if she carries on like she is next year she will fail them all. But there is no talking to her, all I get is 'it's my life, I'll do what i want!'

Any advice gratefully received.....

Sultansofbling · 03/07/2016 10:31

I am really pissed off with dd17 at the moment. I'm sick of her being so selfish and lazy and inconsiderate. Just had to get that out!

NecklessMumster · 03/07/2016 11:53

I shouted all day yesterday at ds 15, am determined to have a better day today . Have realised the selfish, lazy , take no responsibility bit is fairly normal but was hoping it wouldn't last too long but previous posts about 17 year olds makes me think this could be a long haul
Wish he would go out (socialises on x box all day) and get back some of his previous interests
And not talk to me like I'm a moron.

NecklessMumster · 03/07/2016 11:55

Was thinking it can't be good for my self esteem to live with someone who thinks everything I do is contemptuous

Sultansofbling · 03/07/2016 13:04

Mine is the opposite neckless. She is never at home and even when she is she spends all her time in her bedroom trawling through social media or whatever it is they do on their phones. She prefers to spend her time at her bf's or out somewhere. I virtually have to stalk her when she's home just to try and have a conversation with her. I know girls of the same age who actually like spending a bit of time with their mums. Shocking! But this behaviour is quite normal I've been told.
I've kind of given up a bit (a lot) as i'm sick of the arguments and must admit things have been better as I haven't been on her back all the time. However as soon as she doesn't get her own way she kicks off again. Best part of two years this has been going on, worse in the last year, and I'm exhausted by it.
Who do you talk to in R/L when Dh, friends, colleagues etc must be fed up with you moaning all the time? That's why I've given up and resorted to posting on online forums for support.

Moetandchandon · 03/07/2016 20:31

I have no advice. Just sympathy as I in more or less the same boat here. Haven't seen dd since Friday. Staying at bf's and she cannot even spare 10 seconds to text me to let me know what's going on. Except when she needs a lift home, then I'm expected to drop everything and go and collect her. Not a chance.

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