Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

[Ledkr]

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far

It doesn't help that I had with a mother of a perfect DD tonight. Who seemed to delight in telling me awful tales she'd heard about mine.

Bah. I'll shut up now.

Night all!

Evening all , I feel your pain and just want to say don't give up , things will get better.

I had a hellish time with my DD from age 14-16 . Drugs, violence , she was arrested and eventually expelled from school. I had a total breakdown , I even took a half hearted overdose as I thought I was such a shit parent.

Anyway, I now have a lovely 18 year old. I have no idea what changed but she is working and has just got a promotion. She did no work whatsoever towards her GCSE's as she wasn't allowed in school for 4 months before the exams. She managed to pass them all at C grade !

Adolescence can be a truly awful time for some kids and their parents but it does pass . Hang on in there .

Thanks Doinmummy I needed to hear that.

DD is starting to be more pleasant, but still does no revision or clearing up after herself. I try to be glad of the small things.

That's the answer - don't sweat the small stuff . It's an incredibly tough time for them what with exams and friendship issues and the transition of adolescence . They need more love at this time than any other even if you feel like throttling them!

Hey Peebles I'm hearing what you say. I was lurking on the year 12 education thread hoping to find a lazy sod doing nowt and partying instead of revision but mine was the only one!
I totally do not want to spend time with smug "friends" with perfect dds. That's why I flounced away from Facebook coz I was sick of people going on about how wonderful their dcs were. Heave!!
Hang in there. It will be over soon and its bank holiday so every reason for .

Thanks Moët. I was a little tipsy last night, hence the rant. Felt bad about slagging off that thread!! I'm just jealous of course. Feeling much more chilled now. Though she's meant to be coming home today to revise (been out since Friday) and still hasn't materialised. She's keeping Vampire hours again.

That was nice of you to take the time to write that Doinmummy. Gives me some hope! I do feel things will work out fine eventually, it's just a bit hard when you're in the thick of it - as I'm sure you know!

Oh thank god I've found my people!
DS is driving me nuts, His school year should have ended on Friday, but thhey do have to go in for revision classes, which is a good thing because he does none at home.
All he wants to do is go out with his mates drinking, copping off with girls and god knows what else. and he doesn't understand why he has to have a curfew (10:30 school nights, 11-12 weekends) "All his friends are allowed to stay out 'all night'"
We've told him he just needs to knuckle down for 3 more weeks and get his exams done, but he thinks we're the worst parents ever ™
I'm really hoping that he get's through this like your daughter Doin

Welcome Bonita!!

How old is your DS? GCSEs or A-levels? I know how you feel. Our neighbour popped in tonight and asked DD if she had any revision classes. Her reply? 'Not that I know of'

Lord above, I despair!!

She's home tonight and revising, having slept most of the day. But announced she's off to see the bf tomorrow night 'but I'll do lots of revision first'. Hmmmmmmm.

I've given her another little pep talk. Same as you: 2 weeks and it'll be over. Not long to put in the effort.

At least she's doing something.

Is twelve too young for this? My Dd and I had a terrific row because I wanted her to do homework before I took her clothes shopping and let her see her friend. When I challenged her for not doing it, got told to shut the fuck up and she banged the mouse on the desk. She's creeping around me now because I ended up screaming at her then bawling my eyes out. I cancelled shopping and still in two minds re friend. She has done one piece of homework and is still in her dressing gown. All my confidence in.my parenting has gone too

Hiya Peebles he's 15 and doing GCSES, He thinks we're terrible parents because we " never let him do anything" that's not quite true.
Gandalf I'm sorry you're having a rough time, it really does knock your confidence doesn't it

Gandalf my DD 'started' (!) at 12. I remember a huge row where we didn't speak for 24 hours. I was terribly upset. I'm not from a family where that ever happens, and it'd never happened with her two older brothers. I eventually made the first move (thinking she didn't give a damn) and she broke down in tears and said everyone in the family hated her. I realised she was just a child underneath it all. Big hugs ensued!

I'm sure your DD is feeling just as upset. Her behaviour suggests as much - doing the homework etc. You're not a rubbish parent AT ALL. Sometimes they just need telling. They're all over the place and full of hormones at this age. You're in for a possibly rocky ride, but keep your chin up and post on here if it helps!

Bonita - sounds familiar! 'Everyone gets a car for their 17th' was one classic from my DD. They just love to try it on! Keep it up, exams will soon be over!

Thanks. It's just she seems so young still. She is small for age too so wasn't expecting it just yet

Gandalf I think 12 was worse than 13-14 for us, so you are welcome to join in.

So it can only get better hopefully. I really hope so. I have a couple of friends with fourteen year olds having a terrible time

Just checking back in. I need to re-read this as there is some good advice here and it helps too to feel that I am not alone. I don't post much about DS as it depresses me to write it down. Had such a bad day on Thursday I was up all night. Lost my temper.

Had to get through a day at work with no sleep. Exhausted. Won't go into details as just too tired. Will post later in the week.

Sorry you're having a bad time Blue Jug I really hope thing start to get better for you.

It's all gone quiet on here. How's everyone doing?
How are the exams going Peebles? Over soon I hope.

Dd has been off for nearly 3 weeks just chillin. She has not lifted a finger at home coz "it's the summer holidays" she says. She tidied out one of her drawers and that exhausted her i think! I don't know why I am even saying this because she does not lift a finger anyway. Overall though things have been ok and that's because I haven't been hassling her about revision or anything tbh. She's back to college for 2 weeks next week for transition into year 13 then off again till end of August and then we will start again.

Ds back from uni for the summer and eating me out of house and home but it's nice to have him back.

Hi Moët! Things sounding nice and calm at yours, which is great. Chuckling about your DD exhausting herself by tidying a drawer!

Things have been like a f**ing roller coaster here. Truly hideous.

Good : she finished with the emotionally abusive, drug taking bf. Her exam went well this week (2 to go). She is revising and wants to get in to uni.

Bad : the bf has kept ringing, threatening to harm himself, totally upsetting her the night before or morning of exams, so she can't concentrate on revision for worrying about him. Her best friend is going through a terrible time and leaning on DD for support but DD is in no fit state. She might, like in the past, go back to the bf.

So not much fun. Thought of posting but to be honest everyone's mood changes from hour to bloody hour.

I too am looking forward to my two DSs coming home and eating everything! DD likes their company too.

How's everyone else doing??

Hi just seen these posts about teenagers ! I am at my wits end as DD age 16 is in the 'she-devil' tunnel ! Meant to be home but
then just says staying at friend ... Happens all the time ... Give her a time either comes later or then says staying at friends house - I have even gone round to collect her ...from the friends house - or
Where she said she was ! No one opened door ... I get texts
And she is abusive over the phone ... I am so exhausted by it
And her behaviour .. Even exams very little revising has gone on ... Had very 'sassy' attitude ... Had anyone got any advise on how to manage a 16 year old ?? Thanks

Peebles I am up and down all the time with dd. Things have only been better because I haven't been hassling her about anything but once college starts again I'm sure it will be business as usual!
Good that your dd had dumped that idiot bf but awful that he continues to hassle her. I bet you feel like going over and giving him a good slap. Hopefully once the exams are over she will have more of a clear head and will finally see him for the loser he is and not take him back. She will also be better able to cope with her friend.
SJL my sympathy. I used to hate all the last minute requests to sleep over at friends. We told dd that it was fine as long as we were given plenty of notice - not 10 minutes before she was due in - and I used to ring the parents just to make sure. Not sure if its possible to manage a feisty 16 year old. Its hard work.

Hi again.
Things are on a low simmer here at the moment, so it's not too bad.

GCSE revision is a no-no though. DS seems to be convinced that he doesn't need to do any, although there is a slightly panicky look on his face on the mornings before each exam takes place! Only 3 more exams to go and then it's just the couple of months of sweating before the results!! I can't physically MAKE him sit down and revise, so all I can do is occasionally encourage him. But not too much because apparently "going on about it stresses me out Mum!" Ha! I'm probably more stressed than he is.

Not looking forward to the summer holidays much. Although I suppose I can carry on with my life while he spends his time in a darkened bedroom

and to all us stressed parents!

I'm late to the party, and I'm a Dad rather than a Mum, but dya have room for a little one?

Hi snailracer - the more the merrier in my opinion. What are your teens up to? Or teen singular?

Thanks Moët. Always nice to hear some sympathetic support. Things are a lot calmer now. She's busy cramming for tomorrow's exam. Was heard to say: 'should've done this months ago' (well durrrrr!!). You just enjoy the peace while it lasts - September will come around all too soon!

Girlandboy I remember watching DD sit all night the night before one of her GCSEs and do nothing at all. Despite the fact she'd done nothing all year. Very frustrating. As you say, you can't make them. Anyway, she got pretty decent results. I think if they're bright enough they can wing it at GCSE when you add in what the school does with them. So your DS might be fine. Wait till he does A-levels

I'm looking forward to end of exams too - hang on in there. Not long to go!

SJL massive sympathies from me re: your situation. Totally been there with DD but she was 17. No magic answer from me I'm afraid. Just keep the lines of communication open. In a way we had to 'let her go' in order for her to come back (told her if she wanted to leave college, get a job, live with bf, she could. But she didn't want to and settled a bit after that). But I don't think I would've said that when she was a year younger like your DD. Can her friends not stay at yours sometimes instead? What's the draw to stay at theirs?