Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

[Ledkr]

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far

I've just googled it:

"But the teenager didn't take just one Pringle. He took a selfie of himself pouring a whole tube of them into his mouth, before sending it to his best mate, along with the letters LOL!

The bestselling authors of We're Going on a Bar Hunt and The Very Hungover Caterpillar bring you another hilarious parody of a much-loved children's book, this time turning the spotlight not only on modern teens, but firmly on their parents too.

When the doorbell rings, just as Sophie and her Dad are sitting down for their tea, they're half-expecting a visit from a tiger, but what slouches in through their doorway is even more curious than that... a teenager."

LOL

That sounds funny!

I have taught myself to ignore the room! If she wants to live like that then that's her choice.
It's the rest of the house that concerns me.
She opened a pack of mashed potato earlier, heated it, had a spoonful then slung it back in the fridge with no lid!
She shouted at me when I asked about it!

How're the exams going folk?

DD being a complete pain. Told me she didn't need to go to lessons as it was all self directed revision and half the teachers weren't there. Complete bollocks of course - had a concerned email from her tutor today. Anyway, only three days left till study leave thank god.

She hasn't done any revision since Friday. She's either sleeping, socialising or seeing some friend in desperate need.

She's also not sleeping overnight coz of stress. Got two hours last night. Sent her to GP today and she got sleeping pills to see her through the exams, thank God.

Two weeks till her first exam. How are your DCs doing?

Dd had her last AS exam today. Hooray! She has done nowhere near enough work but I'm glad they are over.

Poor DS has just finished his first year uni exams and had a migraine attack in the middle of one of them so had to leave early. He might have to resit that one but hopefully they will be a bit lenient and take his illness into account. Of course this has sent me into panic mode and I've been getting myself into a bit of a state about it. He is ok though. So laid back he is almost horizontal. He certainly doesn't get that from me!

So here we go into the long summer holidays and whatever they may bring. Hope it's glorious in all aspects.

Ooh that must be a nice feeling re: your DD Myhair. I'm looking forward to that!

Hope your DS does ok, and glad he's not too stressed about it.

Not long now Peebles. Hang on in there.

Dd also finished here. Pleased but no doubt she will be driving me nuts in other ways before too long .

Ah that's good Moët, bet you are relieved. Hope she did OK. Let us know in August.

Can I join in please.

I am at the end of my rope with dd2, 15. I'm so embarrassed at her sense of entitlement and her rudeness.

Things have been a bit shit recently. I've just been in hospital for an op to remove a tumor. Obviously this must be affecting dd (although you would never guess) but she's been acting up for a long while now so it's not just my health affecting her.

I don't know where to start but Ledkr a lot of what you say sounds all too familiar.

Dd is permanently attached to her sodding phone. It's ridiculous. She walks to school even with her face stuck to the screen. Dh bought her a new phone for her birthday cos it was the easy option and I normally buy the gifts but cos I've been unwell it got left to Dh. The other items on her birthday list were Mac or Urban Decay or Charlotte Tilbury make up items, so Dh plumped got the fucking phone!

So whilst I'm in hospital Dh is working abroad so my sister comes to teen sit. She arrived by train and taxi and had no car. The whole time I was in hospital 8 was getting texts from dd asking if she could go here there and everywhere. Could aunt Jo just use my car anyway to take her and friends to macdonalds and the cinema. Could she have some money to go here and there etc. It was endlessential. Not once did she say hope you're okay.

My sister had to go home to her own family and so dd was told to look after me. I am fine but weak. I can't speak very loudly due to my op so I can't holler up the stairs. I need help with lifting and stretching like hanging out washing. Unloading dishwasher - not massive things. Well she's hardly looked at me. Asked repeatedly what's for tea. Not even offered to make a cuppa. She's spent 99% of her time shut in her bedroom plugged into her phone with earplugs. It's more effort than its worth for me to keep going up to ask for her help so I've just made do.

She never talks to me unless it's for money or a lift and at the moment I can't drive so she's not bothered with me at all. Since Monday morning all she has said to me is:
"Uurrrgghh I can't be arsed with school"
"When's tea ready? "
"Huff puff where's my charger?"
"Cannot drive me to X on Saturday"
" Can I have £10 for tomorrow?"

In between I have tried normal conversation but just get eye rolls and blanked as she stares at the screen if her phone!!

Just nothing.

Tonight she came in from school 20 minutes later than usual. No hello. No explanation . Just upstairs and door slam. Even when she came down for tea we sat in silence as we ate. The silence broken with the odd odd heavy sigh and eye roll.

MyLlamas - so sorry to hear you've been ill. Sending all good wishes.
My DS has been acting like a teenager for the last year even though he is still a few months away from turning 13. Just unbearable attitude towards me and DH... frequent rants, always telling us to shut-up if we have an opinion. I feel I get it wrong most of the time and I've got years of this to come. Oh gawwd..

'ignore the attitude, respond to the action' is good advice. Might try this and see how far we get.

It's awful. When do turned 25th I just looked at dh and said we'll that's another year down. Five more to go.

It's so depressing. If I look back at photos I just want to cry. I'm grieving fir my smiling happy funny enthusiastic daughter that's been replaced by a morose entitled and frankly sometimes nasty person.

This morning she came shouted down "I need a polo" "where's my polo". She only has 3 and I washed 2 last night so assumed she had one in her bedroom. It was in fact still hanging on the clothes horse under a shirt but before that I went upstairs to help her loom for it as I was sure it must be in her room (a total mess) and she just shouted at me the whole time. I snapped and shouted back donto speak to me lime a sack of sh....! Didn't say the whole word. She just kept ranting no where's my polo it's not here get me a polo etc etc. I put one I washed last night (half dry) in the tumbler before finding the other one which I threw half way up the stairs for her.

She usually leaves for school at 8am to meet friends but today she left at 8.15 (still plenty of time to get to school). I was in the kitchen when I heard the front door slam. She left without saying goodbye. I am seething!!!!!!!!

Dd turned 15 not do turned 25th. Sorry I'm typing with fury here and not checking my phones auto correct.

How do your teenagers all deal with the school dynamics? I wonder if this affects my ds although he does seem to have some really good friends. The popular crowd seem like they're on quite a destructive path and i know from older relatives their friends who were very cool at school seem to be flagging a bit ow.

I think my dd is in the "popular" crowd. So bloody fake. The effort and stress she puts herself under to make the grade. She gets up at 6am to do her hair and make up for school. She leaves at 8. Spends 2 mins eating breakfast. She can't take certain things for school lunch cos it's uncool.

She used to have her own sense of style which people used to compliment but now is like a bloody clone of her friends.

She generally works hard but does have attitude with teachers sometimes because obviously it's not cool to be too good and smart.

I find it exhausting just looking at the lengths she goes to just to fit in.

It's v sad. I feel bad as a mum that I didn't do more to give her enough self esteem to just be herself. I don't know who the hell she is these days. She's whatever she needs to be to fit in.

Body image is something that worries me hugely. She exercises and does watch what she eats in between the Costa coffees/hot chocs, KFC's and McDonald's. She has a lovely figure but I know she feels under pressure (from herself and possibly peer group) to be perfect!!

The ridiculously expensive make up and brushes she has is joke. She has better stuff than me.

We moved house twice in the past 2 years thanks to my dhs job in the army so she's had 2 new schools in 2 years(3 since year 7) so she has had a tough time of it and it's almost as if she has got it down to a T how to fit in and be popular.

I worry so much whether she is actually happy despite how popular she us and the crowd of friends she has.

I'm sorry for monopolising this thread. I found it last night when I couldn't sleep worrying/posses off about her and now I've started I can't stop!! I'll try and shut up for a bit

That's very interesting MyLlamas I once read that the reason why a lot of the popular crowd don't go on to succeed outside school is because the time they spend worrying about fitting in affects their grades and they become accustomed to compromising their personalities in order to stay in the group. Once they're out of school they then find it hard to make an impact.

It's so depressing. If I look back at photos I just want to cry. I'm grieving fir my smiling happy funny enthusiastic daughter that's been replaced by a morose entitled and frankly sometimes nasty person.

I hear you Llamas My friends laugh when I say I'm looking forward to DD moving out (I do have a dark sense of humour).

Pirate DD doesn't cope well with the social dynamics of school, she was well liked at primary but secondary just seems like a minefield.

Somewhere along the line, we as a family have gone wrong. DH has just gone back to the GP for help with depression, I'm struggling with anxiety and DD has certainly had her fair share of anxiety issues too. 5 years ago we were fine and it all seems to have gone to shit.

It has to get better soon, it really does.

mylamas how awful for you. I must admit although dd does precious little to help, she is at least kind and concerned if I'm ill.
It sounds as if she is getting everything she wants despite a shitty attitude.
I am not shy in using sanctions.
We ground, take phone or wifi,

Posted too soon.

She did ask for designer make up and brushes for Xmas but I said no (I'm a qualified make up artist so was able to persuade her to go for cheaper brands) I told her if she wanted 30 quid foundation she can use her Christmas money (she didn't)
Our biggest issue is coming off the phone to go to bed, the app has helped but she still tried it on with the I pad then gets really nasty when we insist on her handing it over.

We feel powerless when in fact we are actually quite powerful with all the stuff they want which they can only have if we can provide it.

I'd start showing her how much she needs you!

Husband (who apparently was the perfect teen who never answered back or was moody) at loggerheads with 14yo son whose behaviour is not even that bad! Just moody, bit of mouth, knark, pushing boundaries etc Husband thinks behavior is TERRIBLE. No one is speaking to one another, we're all off for half term. I am pig in the middle, our 9yo DS is just fine. I want to run off a hide for a week, as the thought of yet again trying to be peacemaker when no bugger will give just saps me of all energy and hope. Just suggested a trip out for food and a walk, met with mong-faces and tuts all round (youngest already out at a party). Seriously WTF the for the rest of helf term with all this going on.

Reading this thread fills me with hope and dread and reassurance all at the same time.

Cheshire maybe you could go away with the teenager and tell dh you're going to help him sort out his attitude. That way you'll all have a fun week.

Cheshire my DH is exactly the same and I know just how you feel about being piggy in the middle when trying to keep the peace. I was talking to a friend about it in the week - she has 3 girls in their 20s so has seen it all. She has suggested that rather than try and intervene I should just absent myself without saying a word. Mealtimes are a particular trigger point for us. She has suggested I set up a little bistro table in the garden and take my plate out there if/when they kick off. Children are away for a few days and DH working this bank holiday so having a lovely peaceful time right now. But I'll let you know what happens if I put it into practice

I've been in this situ too, it's easier when they get older. I did eventually find that sometimes it was better to go away, then they were forced to get on. It's a tricky one coz once my DD said she'd wished I'd stuck up for her more. Which made me very

Also I hate the 'continuing year 13' thread in education (bear with me, I've had ). I keep reason it hoping some kindred spirit will pop up and post 'WTF. DC is out partying all the time. They need 3 Ds to get to uni and they'll be lucky to scrape that. Help help help!' But no. Nothing but A* over there, and 'well DC is out tonight but I suppose one day off revision won't hurt'. ONE DAY OFF??!!! How about six days off, one day on??!

Sorry. Just feeling alone in A2 world!!!

*reading it

Not 'reason'!