Hello please can I join this group?.not sure where to begin so apologies if this turns into a.long vent. I have 3 teens -1dss (16) 1ds (15) and 1dd 13 next month. Dss lives with us every other week. He suffers from uclerative colitis and is currently having a particularly nasty flare up. He can be argumentative and stubborn about food (he won't eat - didn't before the colitis but he is now more fussy and we are worried because he is underweight). Dss is very introverted at school, was bullied at primary school. He has been very wary of.making friends and has not participated much in school life. The colitis over the last two years hasn't helped.
Ds2 is the vvv stroppy teenager. Rude, unsympathetic. Sense of entitlement, doesn't care how.much he upsets everyone so long as he can do what he wants at anyone time. He has a very engaging personality - he is popular at school with students and teachers alike..although teachers are frustrated by his lack of focus (as are we). However he rarely bothers to turn on the charm at home either with us or his dad and sm.
My dh is at the end of his tether. He is fairly old fashioned. He sets very tight boundaries, which worked when they were younger especially as all 3 had not had an easy time because of our failed marriages (both my xh and his xw walked and we met some time later to give you some context). We recognise that so called blended families (or liquidised may be a better term sometimes) have their own challenges. However I don't think we factored exactly what living with teenagers would be like. Dh cannot let a single rude comment, gesture or smirk go by without chastising the "perpetrator" - usually Ds2. I am more of the pick your battle school of thought and try and ignore the low level rude mumbling. I also tell myself it's perfectly okay to have to ask five times before anyone designs to get up off their arse and do a basic chore 
But dh doesn't so we get to the point where dh and Ds2 are having a stand off where they are as rude as each other and I am telling dh off as much as Ds2 and I end up retreating to my room. This cannot be good for our marriage.
Both Ds2 and dss are doing their gcses. After years of bare minimum engagement Ds2 has realised he does care after all so is cramming like mad. Dss is more academic than ds2 but also not really focused very much. This may be down to his illness but getting him to do anything before he was ill was a battle. We have encouraged him to keep working as much as he could with his illness because there is nothing more stressful than having to do an exam you haven't prepares for. Anyway the upshot is that it is stress city in our house usually culminating in a screaming match almost every mealtime. I am exhausted by it and my dh and I are also snapping much more at each other.
On the upside our dd is lovely and is the peacemaker. My concerns about her are around her body image and her obsession that she is by far from perfect. She has yet again grown out of her clothes - she is tall and broad and a very different build to me. She takes after my mother's side of the family whereas my frame is much smaller, like my dad's side. She became very subdued earlier this week when I took one of the tops she has "grown out" of for myself. I have been kicking myself ever since at my thoughtlessness - it was a top from a high end high street store that she begged me to buy. I don't normally indulge her but I had had a little windfall that week and she had worked particularly hard on a project at school and cooked us dinner (yes teens can be lovely too!). Anyway she has only worn it once and I'm afraid my thrifty side took over and I thought I'll. Have that without thinking about her feelings at all. I haven't worn it and won't when she is around but I am now really worried she is going to develop a body image problem and worse. How do I help her recognise that it's okay to look like you do and be happy about it without overdoing it and making her more self conscious than she was in the first place.
God it's a.mindfield isn't it. Babies and toddlers were so much easier. Sorry this is so long. I know.others have.much more pressing issues with their teens than I do buts the relentlessness of their emotions and mini dramas that are wearing me down!