Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

[Ledkr]

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far

Moet, I feel for you. My DDs have not quite got to this stage yet, and I am not looking forward to it, if and when it does happen. I guess you have to decide which battles are worth having, and it doesn't sound like it would go well to try and stop it now. Of course you can keep on giving your opinion and advice and some of it will filter through and be heard, even if it seems like it's being ignored (I think i read that somewhere). I think it would make me feel better to meet the boyfriend's parents, so if it was me I would try to engineer that somehow. They might not be quite so ok with it as you think, and you might be able to find some common ground.

Summerwood I'm really sorry to hear this story. How sad for you. I hope that there is a way you can repair your relationship, if at some stage you want to. You definitely deserve to get some support for yourself. Have you considered counselling or contacting victim support?

Readin all your messages has given me some strength to carry on but at the moment I'm pretty broken tbh.

DD15 is just the root cause of all arguments, swears at me, door slamming, is rude to just everyone beyond belief, we have the floor drobe, a self belief of entitlement that I reckon even the queen knows is a step too much ...... this week I've reached rock bottom - we r on holiday skiing except today I'm not because she has clashed with her instructor and has been removed from the class for being rude disruptive and well just too princessy. DH is beside himself and fed up to the point I think our only way forward is to split so he doesn't have to deal with it (he is stepdad for last 7/8 yrs ). Anymore.

I'm now stuck in my hotel room with her in hers ado can't just leave her here to do what she wants and will have to miss my ski lessons too for rest of week. Now it has all unravelled DD is now saying she is sorry and won't be rude ever again .... I just want to go home stare at the wall and wonder what I've done do wrong to get such a difficult child that has caused hell for the last few years on a daily basis. She is child 2 out of 4 .... dS is older and pretty much sailed through his teenage yrs.

I can't stop crying :(

I'm so sorry your holiday had been spoilt I really am. My dd spoilt a holiday for me when she was 15 too and I swore I wouldn't take her again and I never did. It had got to the point where she actually spoilt everything

Why don't you just continue with your ski lessons ? She is old enough to be left

Aaaargghhh. I need to calm myself down before I go and have a rant at dd which will not turn out well. Hardly seen her for days and she has only just surfaced from her room now. Its after 4! So obviously up all night again so she won't sleep tonight and therefore won't be able to get up tomorrow for college! Wtf is wrong with her? She's got no bloody sense!
Is it worth getting into an argument again?
Its probably best I say nothing until I calm down a bit. Is it too early for . I think I need it .
Rant over

Don't worry wardrobe I'm in exactly the same position but somehow I'm feeling calm and detached (could it be the wine I had with Sunday lunch?). Haven't seen her since Friday (to be fair she's using a dodgy temperamental phone as hers is away being repaired). She texted at 5am to ask if I'd ring her at 2pm today to wake her up (she's not home). I've ring ten times since 2pm So she'll be awake all night and we'll have hell on in the morning. Why don't I care today? Must be the sunshine. Oh and she's done 2 pages of work all hols. 8 weeks till A-levels. Lol

Yes, AS exams in about 5 weeks here and she has done a tiny bit of revision, although she avoids the subject she really needs to work on. I wonder what the hell is going on in her head. I often think I don't even know her at all tbh.
So sod it. The is out

Good for you It's funny, my DD is also avoiding the one subject she really needs to work on. I think she's overwhelmed by it all, but that's coz she hasn't kept on top of it all year. Anyway, I'm going to enjoy my laid back attitude today, there'll be plenty more stress in store. Roll on end of exams!

Yes. Roll on end of exams. One less thing to stress about

So how's everyone doing with the first day back at school/college/school refusal stuff this morning?

DD got about two hours sleep. Apparently has a test/mock this morning (revealed this last night). Starts at 9am. Is just leaving the house now. 20 minute journey.

At least she's gone in I suppose.

Yes same here. Not sure what time dd went to bed but she didn't get up till lunch time as she had a late start. Saw her strolling down the road to college, last minute as usual, so she will have been late again. It drives me mad that she is late for everything and is not bothered as there are no consequences. I wish her college would kick her arse or threaten to kick her out so she gets her act together, but they don't seem bothered.
Anyway, as you say Peebles at least she has gone in.

I'm struggling with the concept of detaching from dd. I'm not sure I know what it means tbh. Do you just stand back and let them get on with things? Say nothing and thus avoid confrontation and arguments?
It looks like I'm doing all the compromising here and trying to be all laid back etc while dd basically carries on as before and does what she wants. I feel like I'm just giving in to her and letting her have her own way all the time.
I'm but at least we are not fighting all the time.

Sorry for randomly jumping in there. Dd is doing my nut in!

I'm in too :) Hi ladies

Sorry, I'm back after a hiatus.

I feel I'm walking on eggshells in my own home, just so DS (15) doesn't get upset.
But his sister (20) has wound him up, he's slammed upstairs. I have enough trouble getting him calm, and this didn't help.

I had to drive him into school this morning instead of him catching the bus, because he was "stressed", but he didn't seem to have too bad a day. And now this......

Just plucking up the courage (in my own home again) to go and see him.

I could cry, I really could.

Sorry, I just thought it might help if I wrote it down.

All he's going on about lately is getting a new phone.

It's only £649! Now to give him his due, he is trying to sell stuff that he no longer wants, but they're not really selling. His 16th birthday is coming up at the end of May, so his reasoning is that he'll get some money for his birthday and he's got £475 in his building society. I've been telling him that the building society money should really be for helping towards driving lessons next year etc, but of course he wants it now. And yes, is is his money. So perhaps I should let him have it?
He also knows that his Dad and I gave his sister £100 recently towards a new tablet that she bought herself. So he's reckoning that all being fair, we should give him £100 as well.

Now my logical brain says that yes it's his money, let him do what he wants with it. My other logical brain says that his Dad will go ape when I tell him DS's plans.

I'm now stressed about broaching the subject with DH!!

FFS, you could buy a second hand car for £649!!

I really really really want to leave home and let them get on with it

And yet, I love him.

And I can't even mention his forthcoming GCSE's!!

DD has this week off school too, she stayed at my parents last night so I'm just off to work after a lovely peaceful evening and breakfast and won't see her again til after work (tempted to stay til she's in her bedroom lol)

I've just seen this thread and God do I need some support.

I am losing it with my 15yo dd and right now I will happily pack her bags and kick her out on her 16th birthday.

Sometimes she can be lovely and nice but the majority of the time she is calling me a fat twat and other insults, several times a day. Yesterday she spat in my face because I giggled when she was walking up the stairs funnily. I never meant to upset her, thought she might giggle as well!

This morning she was shouting for me from her bedroom. I went in and asked her what she wanted "I can't do my top button up you fat twat" was the answer! I picked a pair of knickers up which were on her bed and smacked her over the head with them. Not great but obviously a pair of knickers isn't going to hurt her.....it was literally just the fabric. I was so bloody cross! I turned round and walked out her room. I just can't stand her at the minute.

Oh dear Who. That sounds awful and I don't really know what to suggest. My dd is a pain in the arse and drives me mad with all sorts of stuff but doesn't speak to me like that, although I have been in tears over her behaviour many times and I often just want to run away from it all.
Would she listen to you if you sat down and had a conversation about how unacceptable this is?

We haven't spoken since she came home from school. I'm hoping for an apology and I doubt im going to get one. She woudlnt come down for dinner so she actually hasn't eaten anything today apart from a very small salad for lunch.

She knows how upsetting and unacceptable it is to talk to me like this because ive had the conversation with her before. Shes always calling me a fat twat and other delightful insults.

Hope things are a bit better today who.

Thanks, sadly they're not. Ive tried talking to her this afternoon, got a load more abuse and shouted at.

She's not eating, hadn't had anything to eat for 48 hours now.

Hi all I haven't posted for a while so thought I'd update anyone who is intrested. Ds is still living at home and as far as me and dh are aware has been drug free since. He is cooperating with everyone. This is not to say he doesn't have his moments. But he is trying hard. He still won't seek mental health support as he feels he doesn't need it. I think now would be a good time to start with it before things get too much for him and he goes down his old routes of dealing with things.
He is being investigated for epilepsy now too after his fit. We saw a neurologist last week and ds was fine until he said the dvla probably wouldn't let him drive as he was hoping for his licence and some lessons for his birthday on Saturday. He got quite annoyed with the Dr and walked out. He calmed down about it after.
So just to let you all know there is some light at the end of the tunnel. How long it lasts for we have still yet to see. Xx

Nice to hear from you Foxy. Hope things continue well for you all.

DD1 has come on and is quite delightful to be with (still her Easter hols) ..... reckon this is our good week and the next 3 will ramp up to the point we were at last week, which makes me believe she isn't really horrible but held ransom to hormones raging (??!!)