Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 ··· 38 39

Original poster

Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

975 replies

Ledkr · 27/11/2015 09:01

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far

OP posts:

Curiousflannel · 06/02/2016 19:04

Yes Jean it drives me nuts. Dd wants to be treated like an adult but how can I if she can't be trusted to even lock up the house or take care of her possessions. Even when she has her keys she either does not put the alarm on or forgets to lock the door!

I've just noticed a burn mark on her carpet as well from her hair straighteners. It was an accident she says! I'll have to hide it from dh as he won't be too pleased. Not that he ever goes in her room as the mess is too much for him.

Don't think things are too trivial to post about. I feel guilty doing so when it is clear that others have a lot more serious problems in their lives. I think some people must read my rantings and say "wtf has she got to be worried about?" but sometimes its good to get together and know its not just your kid who is a lazy selfish so and so.

time for me too

Original poster

Ledkr · 06/02/2016 19:32

Dd is also totally chaotic and never picks up after hersekf, she even leaves her pads in her knickers!!
On the bathroom floor.
She doesn't switch off lights or pick up towels or clear up after making food and drink.
Utter tit.

OP posts:

JeanPadget · 06/02/2016 21:08

Thank you Curious and Ledkr. As you say, simply sharing the frustration helps. XH has removed himself from our lives, so it's just the two of us which is a bit claustrophobic at times.

DD hasn't realised yet that there are no clean towels in the airing cupboard

KikiTheFrog · 07/02/2016 14:49

Another one here who doesn't take care of her possessions. Dd has lost one of her shoes. Went to a party and arrived back with one shoe! Obviously took them off coz her feet were hurting and its disappeared. Omg whatever next

Chocolateislovely · 07/02/2016 19:13

So yes, dd was fine to go partying on Friday and well enough for sleepovers. But she comes home today feeling ill, temp of nearly 102, moaning like crazy, chills etc. Gave her medicine and packed her off to bed. But would you believe if, BF, who is not her BF, rings and wants her to go out so she's feeling OK again! 3 hours ago she was dying! No bloody way is she going out

Chocolateislovely · 07/02/2016 19:15

And I've drunk all the

febel · 07/02/2016 19:23

YES YES YES....we need support ...I find my YD as a teenager the most challenging she has ever been, and more so than her sisters. She has had me in tears, suicidal, hating myself and her behaviour and wondering what we have done wrong in bringing her up that she feels it's ok to push, push, push boundaries all the time, to lie and to have no respect for others belongings.....

Chocolateislovely · 07/02/2016 19:40

Yes Febel. Mine has had me in tears so many times this past 18 months or so.

Thank goodness for MN and all you lovely ladies who support each other. Even if the things we are posting about are sometimes a bit trivial ( mine are anyway), there is always someone there who makes you feel less alone. Thank you

Toots16 · 07/02/2016 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanPadget · 07/02/2016 21:54

DD and I are now in a standoff . I have refused to tell her where the towels are, and she has taken my duvet. I'm not fussed, because the spare bedroom is smaller and warmer than mine, and I quite like sleeping there. Anyhow, she will need driving somewhere soon, I'm sure, and I won't do that until my bedding is returned.

We both know this is ridiculous and are quite enjoying it.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 09/02/2016 21:45

I like the idea of a towel/duvet stand off Jean

I'm quite mad tonight (understatement) but not at my own teenager, someone else's. DD had a boyfriend last year git they've split now thank god and to be quite frank he did a real good job of messing with her head the entire time they were together (and still tries now to be honest). Anyway, a few months in, she had a terrible time at school with bullying. A horrible, nasty rumour went round for a good month and eventually school got involved and the few spreading the rumour were roundly told off. Except she's now told me that it was her (now ex) boyfriend that had started the rumour in the first place.

Little turd. Nasty manipulative fuck.

If it wasn't illegal and I wasn't a fat middle aged woman, I'd beat the shit out of him.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 09/02/2016 21:49

That last bit came out a tad aggressive

I'm quite the pacifist normally

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 09/02/2016 22:24

That last post made me lol!

I have now moved all my make up from my bathroom and put it in a hatbox in my bedroom with my rampant rabbit on top of all the make up and since then, my thieving teenage dd hasn't touched any of my make up. Its great!

foxy6 · 09/02/2016 22:42

love the rabbit solution lol

the social worked hasn't had any luck finding ds a foster carer. he refuses to stay in the B&B they have for him wanting to go to another one where he know someone, she isn't happy to send him there for fear of what they might get up to together, i don't blame her. a hostel that he was in before have said they are happy to add him to their weighting list if he can bring down the debt he has with them from when he was there last. the debt is currently £790 for damages and a broken window. how they expect him to pay that i don't know. i might be able to pay some but not £590. she said everyone is flagging him up to CAMHS so i'm hoping to hear from them soon, but this is CAMHS!

Original poster

Ledkr · 10/02/2016 07:52

God foxy keep on hassling them.

I removed the phone on Monday morning. She tried to run but I caught her by the pony tail

A boyfriend of Dds mate was an abusive controlling arse and when my dd pointed this out he began to call her nanes everytime he saw her.
Unfortunately for him he neglected to remember she has 3 enormous older brothers who went to visit him one evening
He's been ok since.

OP posts:

kissafrog · 10/02/2016 10:31

I am probably far too late on this thread. I am really struggling with my DD 17 nearly 18. She is stroppy and her room is messy to the point I cannot stand. I know I should leave her alone and pick the right battles but sometimes I just can't. I understand she is pushing boundaries but she speaks rudely to me and I don't want her behaviour to affect her younger sister. It is upsetting me and making me very angry and unhappy. I feel my DD is not taking responsibility and I feel all my interactions are negative because it is me telling her off and she answering back asking me to leave her alone. She lost endless oyster cards and she wakes up late so she cannot take the bus and has to take the tube and then she runs out of money etc etc. If I cut her off financially with no pocket money I am worried it will make her borrow from friends or get into the wrong crowd. My DD went to a good school and in general she is very get up and go and is very smart and full of potential but I feel her teenage hormones are going to ruin her and our relationship. I also get upset with myself because I also cannot bite my tongue and when she shouts at me it makes me so angry and then I will be upset for the rest of the day. When will it end ? I wish I could learn to leave her alone and let her take her consequences. However somehow I cannot let it go and not be bothered by it. Any advice?

foxy6 · 10/02/2016 11:54

Well the little shut has just been home, wasn't here for long, then went out for a couple on minutes, then back againg for even less. I noticed my purse had moved and my bank card was on top and not in it. I've checked the bank and someone has taken out 20 and it wasn't me I haven't left the house. The little shut just pinchjed 20 of me.

foxy6 · 10/02/2016 11:55

Bloody auto correct I ment SHIT not shut

Curiousflannel · 10/02/2016 14:35

Change your pin number foxy and hide your purse. It must be horrible to have to do this but you can't have him stealing from you.

foxy6 · 10/02/2016 16:26

i normally keep it on me when he's about but he wasn't in the house for five minutes. we know he cant be trusted.

Curiousflannel · 10/02/2016 16:31

Well at least if you change the pin number, even if he gets the card he won't be able to use it.

Have they found him anywhere to stay yet?

foxy6 · 10/02/2016 16:55

a B&B but he refuses to stay there, so is still staying with friends. they wont move him to the b&B he wants as there are already 2 boys there with similar problems as him. his social worker doesn't want to put all 3 together. hes not happy about this and doesn't seem to understand he has to accept whats offered. if he keeps on refusing to stay where they are paying for they will turn around and say you dont need our help. then he will be truly stuck up shit creak without a paddle.

foxy6 · 10/02/2016 17:06

kiss a frog it hard to let go and let then deal with the consequences of their actions. i still find it hard, with everything ds has put us through, part of me wants to go scoop him up, bring him home and tell him everything will be ok, mum's here to sort it out for you. but i know now that wont work. its just enabling him to carry on doing what he wants.
i would leaver her room to her and refuse to go in, so if she needs things cleaned she needs to do it herself. as for the getting up late and having to use more money for the train, then so be it, but don't subside her extra expenses she needs to learn that if she wants to spend more on the train then she needs to sacrifice other things she wants to spend money on, or get up in time and catch the bus.
that's all i can add at the mo. good luck xx

and there is light at the end of the tunnel ds2 who is 18 was a moody, miserable, messy, boy, then he got a girlfriend. i believe he has developed a sense of humor now. he keeps his room tidy, hes going to work every day and not just when he feels like it and is generally turning into a very likable young man, after spending years of moody suborn argumentativeness.

Bahamarama · 10/02/2016 19:34

I never bleedin know who is in my house. Dds friends seem to have lost the ability to ring the doorbell. She just lets them in - obviously they are texting or ringing when they are outside. I usually know people are here when I see shoes in the hallway.

What's all that about then? I think its very rude.

foxy6 · 11/02/2016 20:49

Yes it is theyvshoukd at least have the decency to ask first. Or the other option, walk around the house naked that will make them check in future lol.

Ds now officially has no where to stay as social services have cancelled his room at the B&B as he isn't staying there.

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 ··· 38 39