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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Anyone want a mum of teenagers support thread

975 replies

Ledkr · 27/11/2015 09:01

Thought we could swap ideas, sound off and generally help each other through it.
Lots of you will know from here I'm no shrinking violet but my nearly 14 yr old dd is slowly breaking my spirit, home has become a miserable place to be and I know I'm messing this up.
I've had 3 teen boys and have worked all my life with various types of challenging young person and I'm pretty well respected but my own child is draining the life out of me.
The thing is, it's not huge behavioural stuff, it's probably very normal. I need to learn to pick my battles I know but I simply cannot ignore blatant rudeness or pick up someone's knickers often still containing a sanitary towell and not react.
Is this the answer? Compromise my integrity and become a skivvy just for a quiet life?
I could go on, but I'll see if anyone wants to listen first.
Thanks if you read so far Smile

OP posts:
Mof2teens · 23/12/2015 15:42

I'm in got 2, and have to agree with so much of these notes, tag team, unreasonable, DD is just about out of the worst bur DS has no motivation for anything than gaming! Yip home is not a fun place to be :-(

PoppySeedRoll · 23/12/2015 20:12

I was waiting for the teenager at CAMHS the other day and there was a mother in there with triplet teen girls.

Three. Teenage. Girls.

Grace1467 · 23/12/2015 20:25

Oh my god poor poor woman think I'd leave home!

Original poster
Ledkr · 23/12/2015 20:26

Oh how hideous, she must be going demented.
My 4 yr old is beyond gorgeous but me and Dh know what the future holds Shock

OP posts:
PoppySeedRoll · 23/12/2015 21:16

She looked tired and grim faced. But I think all the mums waiting at CAMHS do, me included. Ninety minutes wondering what DD is telling them in there.

longtimelurker101 · 23/12/2015 22:19

Three ? At the same age? At once? Fuck that..

It was bad enough having 2 at different ends of the scale (and if you add in DS this went of for nearly a decade).

I just can't imagine the year 8/9 horrors multiplied by three.

Dreamgirls234 · 23/12/2015 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grace1467 · 23/12/2015 22:33

I was told year 9 was the worst but year 10 has so far topped year 9.
Yes the camhs waiting rooms are gloomy there's a poster (made by one of the kids) on the wall I our local camhs of a child on a bicycle running two people (presuming parents) with blood everywhere its a reassuring pic

longtimelurker101 · 23/12/2015 22:48

Doesn't sound nice Grace..

And oh God the "he said, she said" all over trivial stuff, I couldn't do it with three. I really hope year 10 gets better for you Grace, year 8/9 was the pits with both of ours, was compounded that one did year 8 at the same time one did year 13, that was not fun.

Grace1467 · 23/12/2015 23:17

I honestly don't know how people cope with more than 1 teen at a time I admire you. I'm hoping it gets better as I may win a bad mum award but I just don't like DD , haven't for a few months. Obviously I love her but she is hard work ALL the time. I've pretty much written off relationships for the foreseeable as its just all consuming. I hate that I can be in a great mood and try and chat or suggest doing something to be met by permanent negativity and angst. Not sure if that's the experience has by all or if it's so intense just the two of us but every time I take my eye just slightly off the ball something happens. Just feel utterly disrespected !

longtimelurker101 · 23/12/2015 23:28

That's called having a teen, don't worry, there have been several periods of time where I haven't liked mine.

Just remember, this too will pass, and also that if they were as lovely as they were when they were 10, you'd never want them to leave, adolecent behaviour is to make them, and us want them to leave eventually.

KikiTheFrog · 23/12/2015 23:50

Is it really worth getting into the same old argument with dd about her lack of just every thing? I am just so sick and tired of her selfishness. She does nothing in all aspects of her life, at home, college, relationships with the family. Zilch. I am desperately trying to see the good in her and trying not to let the little things get to me but they all mount up and I despair. Christmas is not going to be all warm and fuzzy like it is in the movies to start with so I guess I am going to have to bite my tongue once again. Dh is hardly speaking to her as well so don't want to make it worse. I just hope 2016 is better coz this whole year has been shit from start to finish.

SirChenjin · 24/12/2015 10:32

One of DH's colleagues has just had triplet girls - a few days before Christmas.

Can you imagine their future??? Shock The expense and the drama doesn't even bear thinking about...

PoppySeedRoll · 24/12/2015 12:09

I think you have to choose your battles. With mine, the bedroom may be a midden, but she's (mostly) attending school. She doesn't bother with her teeth but she's washing and messing with her hair again. She doesn't make any effort with local kids who were friends but she meets up with people online that she has more in common with (supervised by us). She may snarl at me every morning but we go to gigs together sometimes. I just want her to be happy and not so angry and difficult to live with...

Clare1971 · 24/12/2015 17:52

At the moment, I just keep telling myself that 2016 is going to be better than 2015. DD17 got up at 4pm today, having gone to bed at 5am. She has become completely nocturnal. I think it's her way of avoiding life.

mamas12 · 25/12/2015 09:06

Why is everything such a great big tradegy for them and about them?
Everything I do is wrong, I get criticised, patronised, blamed for everything and walked away from.
I have made mistakes who hasn't and I've apologised. But it festers with them
Apparently I don't love them when in fact I love them too much and think that I've accidentally created two spoilt brats who actually hate me and don't want to spend time with me.
Xmas eve was just shit, the worst I've ever had and I was so looking forward to it being just me and them after the first year of them both not being at home and i fucked up. I didn't buy the girlfriend a present the same time as I bought the boyfriend a present. I of course am planning on getting one but wanted to discuss what to get her and then get it before he he sees her at new year when he is giving her his presents. But omg he devastated that his girlfriend is left out and there has been a horrible bloody tantrums here
How do I make it better?

BigSandyBalls2015 · 25/12/2015 09:17

Triplet teen girls!!!!!! OMG. I'm barely coping with twin teen girls, one of whom is actually okish.

longtimelurker101 · 25/12/2015 11:41

Twin teens, ouch!

Both of my DDs are sound asleep, we went to a carol concert last night and then they went to a "friends" which I actually think was the local pub ( yes I know bad mother for turning a blind eye to the 16 yr old in the pub), but were back at 11 happy, singing as they came up the street. We had a glass of sherry and went to bed.

Hopefully we should have a good day!

PeaceOfWildThings · 25/12/2015 11:55

Happy Christmas all! Lots of teen drama here so far, we seem to be in a lull of working up to opening under tree gifts.

Hedgehoginthegarden · 25/12/2015 12:10

Oh dear mamas. It seems a bit over the top. Did you explain this to ds? I hope he calms down and realises its not the end of the world. Sympathy to you.
My two are still asleep. Hope we have no dramas but there are bound to be by the end of the hols.

Ezzymozzy · 25/12/2015 12:24

Am on
Got 3 teens

Grace1467 · 25/12/2015 19:42

Mine has actually been lovely today, thank the lord. Been dreading today after last few months but she has been polite , grateful and even made me a few drinks Shock. She also brought me a present for first time ever and has only just got on the phone.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/12/2015 09:28

My two were OK yesterday thankfully. A few grunts and eye rolls and they did very little to help out but they did humour their nana by sitting at the table playing board games when I know they were itching to get back to their phones/iPads. I even got a random big hug from DT2 who usually acts like she hates me and wouldn't dream of showing me any affection!

mamas12 · 26/12/2015 13:39

He did t believe Me sigh
Well had a truce yesterday as we had a guest but we'll see what happens tonight when it's just me and him
Wish me luck

Vobble · 27/12/2015 07:46

I'm terribly upset. Been awake most of the night.
Have had a lovely Xmas day and Boxing Day but dd went out last night and came back with a bag of lovely thoughtful presents from her boyfriend's mum. I'm so upset that she clearly has a lovely relationship with this lady, who thinks enough of her to buy so many presents but won't even let us meet her boyfriend, despite going out with him for ages. We have tried and tried to find a way for her to bring him home but she has always refused, saying she didn't like other people in her house, it was a bit embarrassing having him over etc. I offered long before Xmas to have him for meals etc, I said we would buy him presents (despite not knowing him) but that was met with "don't bother".
Anyway we broached the subject and it turned into an argument and I know the atmosphere will last days. Basically she doesn't want to bring bf here as we are always arguing or there's an atmosphere. Well yeah, quite a lot of the time there is, but because of reasons like not changing bed covers, not doing anything to help in the house, lounging around in bed while we go to work. Not because we pick randomly on her.
I'm embarrassed that we got her bf nothing. And now she is saying that she had (previously) planned to bring him around tonight but there's an atmosphere so there's no chance of that.
I don't know. I grew up in a domestic violence, odd relationship house and never wanted my relationship with my kids to be like that so have really tried with them because my relationship with my mother is poor and I didn't want that. I've failed, clearly. And I'm devastated that she is clearly using us for bed and board but happily "living" with another family. I'm really doubting my parenting skills.