DD's friends staying over mealtimes when not eating with us

[fessmess]

Just want to check what you guys think of this. My dd (15) thinks it's perfectly fine for friends who aren't staying for dinner (either we don't have enough or they're having dinner at home) to sit in our lounge or even at the table with us whilst we eat. Now, to me this is the height of bad manners and this would NEVER have happened when I was a kid. My dd says "nowadays people don't worry about this."

Am I alone in this? To clarify I am not about to change my rules and non-dinner guests will have to leave.

OP, I missed that your DD's friends refused to leave WTF?!

At the moment I meal plan and shop for exactly what I need for our family for those meals.

Parents of teens that welcome everyone, do you have a stock of extras in all the time just incase? Would you feed the friend your meal and eat something else yourself later on? How does it all work?

Also how big are all of your dining tables!! We only just fit round ours.

I keep a load of pizzas and other stuff teens like in the freezer/fridge and there are always snacks in the cupboard

I get that if you are on a tight budget this might be more difficult though.

Our kitchen/dining table easily seats 8 but can have the flaps on and seat 16 at a pinch.

As I said I usually have something in the freezer for emergencies. But if I didn't- I'd just say "Sorry, there's no spare food but you're welcome to come and have a chat while we eat."
But as I am Irish/Italian there is always food.

I hope when mine are teens I am welcoming. Pizzas are a good idea, almost everyone loves pizza and they are cheap enough to have a few spares in the freezer.

Duck, because we are very accommodating 99% of the time, when we have to say no friends sleeping over tonight or whatever, the teens are usually fine with that.

That makes sense Tilly ds is 10 and never asks friends over so when he does start I will be as encouraging as possible.

I don't find it all strange that my DS friends leave if they aren't going to stay for dinner- its the way I was brought up as well.
I always offer for them to join us but they are usually expected home for dinner and go home at that point. While they are more than welcome to stay I get the feeling that their parents like a family dinner around the table.
Lunch is different and a bit of a free for all- I don't make lunch for everyone ,we all pile into the kitchen and make our own.
DS will sort his friends out with pizza or toasties usually.

I should add that the reference to feeding 10 was to Maryz not the OP - sorry.
Although Im a bit confused how you feed 10 with 6 eggs ostrich eggs ??

Good grief !
Ok I can see why they are on their second breakfast

Unfortunately all DS friends are very sporty and go through the house like a plague of locusts !

I should add that DS has a PT job and loves buying food
If his GF is over they will go shopping for lunch things together like an old married couple

There is always bread, cheese, ham, bacon fruit etc but they will go and buy something special if they want it - DS made a beef noodle dish the other day .
Now how can I get them to clear up!

Teens eat with us or watch the telly while we eat.

My friends were always welcome and fed (if they wanted) when I was a teen - my parents are mid-60s now. My mum wanted them to feel very welcome so that we spent lots of time at our house and she knew where I was and what I was up to. It worked very well - I got up to considerably less mischief than most of my friends. I hope to do the same when my DDs are teens, provided I can keep the house tidy enough to have guests.

Oh and I agree with maryz, loads of teens in and out of the house and I let them get on with it tbh, much better that they are here where I know what's going on rather than hanging around getting up to God knows what.

If I am about to cook a meal and have (adult, but sometimes with DCs in tow) friends round I'd either ask if they wanted any if my planned meal would stretch, or say "sorry, don't think we have enough, hope you don't think I'm rude". As they are adults, I'd hope they'd take the hint and go. If it was going to be sandwiches but we were short on bread, I might try and stretch it with salad/soup/oatcakes or something.

I try to either invite them or explain but I wouldn't consider it obligatory to invite.

I don't mind if friends can't make their meal stretch either if we happen to end up visiting at a meal time. One thing that I do find odd though is inviting someone over literally just before a meal but then not to share a meal. We went to the park with friends and finished at 11.30 am and they said "do come back", we were offered hot chocolate and then at 12 they said "oh sorry, we need to make the kids lunch now". To be honest I'd assumed an invitation at that time included lunch and if I'd known it definitely didn't I'd have declined hot chocolate as it meant a rush home with children falling asleep and making them lunch while they were grumpy.
But I'll know next time and will plead dashing home to make lunch, only staying if they protest they'll feed us.

Ahhh I thought that when they were teens I would save money on childcare. I now see I will need that money to feed them and their mates

That's not far from the reality Duck. You need to pay for lots of food and petrol.

Ah lifts are where I will come unstuck, single mum with two younger children mean they will have to make their own way about.

Not to worry those with small children but I've found teens far more expensive than little ones

Maryz -1, teens -0

I love it.

I tend to be fairly directive with dd's friends (ds's friends are all virtually here nowadays, no feeding required). I'm happy to say when there is a meal on offer and when there isn't. dd virtually always asks in advance though, and her friends generally are very nice, happy to chat around the dinner table, eat what they are given and help cook and clear up. If they weren't then I'd be much more likely to tell them to go home/ that their lift is ready to go.

I really enjoy having her friends over, it's fun to get to know them and we have all sorts of chats about interesting stuff. I also like picking them up from places to listen to their conversations, like Maryz. I want to know what's going on in their lives and to be able to offer support when they need it too (dd seems to have a tendency to make friends with children who don't have the easiest home lives).