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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

OH MY GOD MY 14 YR OLD IS PREGNANT

157 replies

mummisery · 17/10/2006 21:56

My dd has told me she is pregnant things could not be worse and she wants to keep it. She cant keep this baby but i dont agree with abortion what can i do

OP posts:

theUrbanDryad · 27/10/2006 23:09

hi RK, didn't realise it was you!!

i'm sure you know this being a mum yourself (and i'm not, yet) but i found that dry, carb-y things like toast and crumpets worked wonders for 'morning' sickness! cream crackers, although they taste like a dry leper's scab, also work well.

to be honest, i would be inclined to just let her get on with it. for the first sixteen weeks or so of this pregnancy, i got up at about 8 then went back to bed for a lunchtime nap because i was so tired! sometimes i'd spend whole days in my pj's!!

so you know "nothing" huh? yeah, because you've obviously never been pregnant!! have you got her one of those pregnancy books which list the 'minor' ailments of pregnancy? i can heartily recommend dr miriam stoppard's "conception, pregnancy and birth". I borrowed it off a friend but i'm sure you can get it from the library. even though it does list these ailments, you might like to go into some finer detail about heartburn, constipation and spotty skin (three things that i've really struggled with, and this is a relatively easy pregnancy apparently).......

ooh, this turned into a bit of a ramble, sorry. hope you're keeping ok runkid, take care. xxx

runkid · 27/10/2006 23:19

Cheerz Urban am going to get her a book then she might take something in xx

webcrone · 27/10/2006 23:36

Runkid, you're not crap, just stuck. From what you've written, my guess is that you've tried most of what people have suggested already, and more I understand your frustration with not being able to find a way in.

Maybe you do need to stop trying so hard and be kinder to yourself. Sometimes doing nothing for a while is the right thing to do, and a few weeks of toast and cereal (with milk?) isn't going to do too much harm, even if it's not ideal. As the pg progresses it will all start to get much more real for dd and keeping her at a bit of a distance in the meantime might make her keener to close the gap.

winnie · 28/10/2006 16:58

runkid, it maybe that the antenatal team have more success convincing dd that she needs to do x, y and z for a healthy pregnancy. Hard as it is for you I do believe it is time to let her get on with it and find out for herself. Spend some time and energy on ds and yourself. Thinking of you, winniexx

webcrone · 28/10/2006 17:30

Runkid, saw the other thread. I hope dd is OK, and you too.

runkid · 28/10/2006 21:05

hi guys the bleeding seems to have stopped and dd seems ok

QuootieSpookypie · 28/10/2006 21:07

oh good xxx

winnie · 30/10/2006 10:15

runkid, how are things?

runkid · 30/10/2006 11:23

Hi Winnie the bleeding seems to have stopped and dd seems to have settled down and is getting ready to go back to school next week so we will have to see what happens she sees the midwife on thursday

fortyplus · 30/10/2006 11:38

Think it's great that everyone is giving such support. Just like to add I've got a good friend who's a HV. Teen mums CAN cope with support - but make sure you don't do everything for her.
I would also phone your Council's Housing Needs Office for advice - you may be able to sell your property to someone on the Council waiting list in return for a larger Council or Housing Association property. Though I do appreciate that you may not wish to give up owning your own home.
Hope things work out for you

runkid · 30/10/2006 11:51

Fortyplus thanks i worked hard for my own place so really do want to keep it but cheerz for the info.

fortyplus · 30/10/2006 11:54

I thought you'd probably feel that way - I would, too.

winnie · 30/10/2006 12:49

runkid, I am glad things have settled down and thoughts of going back to school sound positive.

runkid · 09/11/2006 21:01

Am i being unreasonable to expect my dd to get up and feed herself while i am at work and to at least do her washing she just doesnt do a thing and expects me to wait on her hand and foot,i no she feels rough but you still have to get on with things. Dont you?

CantSleepWontSleep · 09/11/2006 21:08

Haven't read the thread, so don't know all the history, but yes, she should be capable of doing that.

If she can't manage that then it doesn't bode well for her looking after the baby once it arrives - it will be a lot more hard work!

Mercy · 09/11/2006 21:16

Like Cantsleep, I haven't read the whole thread.

But agree your dd should be able to make some meals for herself and certainly do some washing. But you may need to show her how to do it, and take it gradually. She will have to learn to do these things soon, pg or not tbh)

(does your dd post on here, have I got the right person?)

runkid · 09/11/2006 21:46

Yes mercy she does

runkid · 09/11/2006 21:50

dd knows how to use washer and make simple meals and anyway i cook and freeze them or just leave her a meal to heat up or cook when i get home. She doesnt get out of bed or just lies on sofa all day i just feel like im nagging at her all the time but im worried thats all in case she makes her self ill

tegan · 09/11/2006 22:19

I have been following you're thread and wondered what kind of counciling has you're dd had since finding out she is pg?

runkid · 10/11/2006 08:52

Hi Tegan dd wont have councillind but is hopefully going to go to a under 18 pregnancy group at the hospital

prettymum · 10/11/2006 09:01

just been reading the thread. i think she does need to learn to look after herself, she will have a baby soon and she will have so much responsibility thrown out her. you cant be doing everything for her, dont fall into the trap of feeling guilty and doing everything for her.

i was pregnant with dd when i was 18, i wasnt living with my family, i didnt know how to cook, i used to blow all my wages on going out and drinking.

but once i got pregnant i realised i couldnt feed my child takeaways so learnt to cook, i started saving and i am so proud of myself of how much i have achieved by myself. im 21 now and have 3 mnth old son.

if i was still living at home i know id take advantage of my mum and make her look after my kids, but i havent and im proud that i have managed it with dp.

if was still living wi

runkid · 10/11/2006 09:17

Thanx prettymum i do feel guilty as i have to work 4 days a week to support us all but then i worry that i should be at home looking after dd and that unborn baby

prettymum · 10/11/2006 09:40

i just wrote a long message and my lovely daughter just deleted it!!

runkid, you are doing what any mother will do if their baby got pregnant, she is so young and to be pregnant when only a kid must be so frightening.

but she chose to keep the baby and all the responsibility that comes with it. if you keep treating her like a baby, she wont learn, be a bit tough and tell her she needs to learn to look after herself a bit more as she will have so much to learn ahead of her with a child.

she will obviously need your support which i know with no doubt that you will give.

she is a teenager and will make you feel guilty but dont let her get to you, be stern and let her see that you are not always going to be there to pick up the pieces, you also have your own life, so she will have to get on her feet and start helping out.

runkid · 10/11/2006 10:04

Prettymum i competely understand what you say and believe me i do not pander to my dd and have told her that she needs to start lookin after herself better and to think about her baby as well as herself eventually it may sink in

theUrbanDryad · 10/11/2006 12:28

she has still got a while to start to looking after herself - how pregnant is she now? it will start to be more real the more pregnant she gets - i know it was for me.

has she had the scan yet? how did it go?

thinking of you all. xxx

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