OH MY GOD MY 14 YR OLD IS PREGNANT

[mummisery]

My dd has told me she is pregnant things could not be worse and she wants to keep it. She cant keep this baby but i dont agree with abortion what can i do

thats statutory rape mummisery

Piffle i no but didnt have anyproof before i already had an order against him. Its a very long story but the police are aware its a bloody mess

are the police aware of the latest developments? althou that said I worry that any inclination of this man being taken away might push her towards him further?

(I had a relationshiop with a 22 yr old when I was 14, another story thou,) but from me thinging the way I felt then, it is possible she felt pressured into havign sex with him, and he told her he'd look after her/the baby as then they'd be together etc.

tbh I think both of you need to have councillling, I did for similar reasons (althou at 16) mum and I would go for a coffee after and talk the session thru - she was very open to all I had to say, and i'm sure a lot hurt her of how angry I was, would you be prepared to do something like that? - it's prob best for both of u to have independant councilling. down by mums they had an 'off the record' centre for under 25's to go to which was free and v good.

as for the baby, i'm afraid it's ultimatly her choice, all you can do is guide and hope for the best I think. if you say she's fully aware of the implications of what a baby entailes then it's her choice, however, make sure you let her know that under no circ will you allow her to go out all teh time etc leaving you holding the baby - the baby will be her responsiblity iycwim. I know you'll be doing your best what ever the outcome is.

also prob best to get to teh family planning clinic/dr's ASAP to discuss all options there as to how far she is etc.

good luck ((hugs)) don't forget MN is here for support - and for things for the baby if she chooses to keep it, i'm sure a lot of us can spare stuff to help out but that's the last of your worrys i'm sure.

so what has she planned for the future?

has she any ambition?

is she going to go to college?

what does she want to do ultimatley?

does she know how much a baby costs. does she know how much a household is to run?

and most importantly - why does she want the baby?

someone to love her?

well i think she needs telling - its not a puppy. its puke, shit and nappies for three years. no sleep. and no money for the next 18 years.

everyone is being very nice - and ultimatley it is her choice - but as her mother you have a massive influence.

if my daughter was pregnant at 14 - she would have an abortion and thats that.

oh and the lad would be arrested.

and my daughter would have an implant that lasted 3 years

morning mm. When is the appointment for the family support worker? xx

I dont have the experience or knowledge, as i dont have a child myself but i am pregnant myself and i found it really difficult to decide.
Do you know how long shes known? At first i wanted the baby, then i thoguht about all the negatives and then thoguht ooo i dont no. Mayb you could sit down with her and go through the positives and negatives, just to show her how it'll be.

Im only 18 almost 19 but my sister is 14 and i think if she got pregnant she just couldnt handel it and in the end she'll want to carry on her childhood and you'll be left with the baby.
I hope you dont think im being rude im just thinking out loud.

There was this programme on tv the other day about teenage mums, the youngest was 13 and she couldnt cope at all. But thats not to say ur girl wont, but in your eyes shes still your baby and shes having a baby.

I hope my veiws help in a way.

x

Hmm.. tend to agree with Custy... I'd go after the lad with all guns blazing. March the blighter into local cop shop and threaten to have him arrested for raping your well underage daughter.

I think you have to find a way to talk about the future with your dd and consider her picture of the present situation and the future. She is the one who has to make the decisions and take the responsibility with help and advice from those who can help her plan. Would anything be gained by pursuing the boyfriend? You need to take advice and counselling on that.

Priority number one is your dd health and welfare and that of the baby.

Haven't read all the posts, but my sister was a troubled teen and she got pregnant at 15. My mum wanted her to have an abortion, which has resulted in them not having a proper relationship for the last 18 yrs! My sister wanted and had the baby and my mum basically forced her out of the family with the babies father who treated her terribly. She ended up being a single parent on her own and my mum was too ashamed to help her - still. My sister is still on her own but with another 2 lo's.

All I can say is try and be as supportive as humanly possible. We all make mistakes and we all have to live with them, but it makes it easier to learn from them when you have lots of love and support from your family. Good luck

can't imagine how you feel - worst nightmare. sad to say but although this 'lad' (he's a MAN) is undesirable he has influenced your dd and he presumably has family. what do they think? is your dd still in touch or in a relationship with him? he is responsible for this and needs to be made to face up to it, even if its by telling your dd that he doesn't want it or anything to do with her. we always seem to let the men and boys off the hook.

i for one would report him as he should be on the sex offenders register for sex with an underage girl and she needs to know it is wrong so she can protect her children and her siblings as they grow up. you need to let her know that while our are supporting her regardless that she has to show that she is adult enough to deal with it and that starts by communicating with you. wish you so much luck.

If this was my dd I'd have her in for termination before she realised what had hit her, I would'nt tell anyone not even dh

But she is'nt... so you must talk and talk to her, if poss, not bunch of PC strangers within social services and decide yourselves what your going to do, then you do it with full support whichever path you choose I really feel for you

I read this last night and didn't know what to say, I just feel so sorry for you, and your dd. It must be a huge shock to you, I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I've been thinking about what to say, so apologies if it's a bit
daft.

First of all - it's not in any way your fault. It could have happened to any of us (and might well happen to some of us!). Your dd needs your love and support more than anything else, and it is obvious from your posts that she has that without question.

Personally - and this is a completely inexperienced and unqualified opinion - I wouldn't "make" her have a termination. I think that if it wasn't what she felt right doing, it could cause more damage in the long term than having the baby and muddling through with whatever support she can get. However if she does want a termination, and she's really positive in her own mind that that is the best option, then I think you should support her through that experience. If at all possible, some independent counselling to help her explore what she really wants to do might be helpful - I don't know how far along she is or whether that would be possible?

So many young girls go through this terrifying ordeal without a loving mum to lean on - your daughter has you.

Whatever you and she decide to do, it will be traumatic and difficult - but I wish you all the very best in whatever decisions you make.

I echo greensleeves post..

and on the termination it may be the right thing but unless your dd is certain preferably with counselling that it is what she wants then she needs help exploring her other choices

Sorry about my foul halloween name by the way

Please don't force her into anything. It HAS to be her choice. Even at 14. If you force her to do something she doesn't want she is very likely to resent you and it will affect your relationship now and in the future. You may never get that relationship back on track.

(I don't have personal experience of this but I do know of someone who went through something similar - it ruined the mother and dauughters relationship beyond repair, even now many years later)

A counsellor of some form is her best bet. Someone impartial who can listen to her and advice and support her, without emotions being in the way.

Good luck to your daughter and to you. You both have some difficult weeks ahead to start with.

Ok everyone. DD been out all dat with family support and wont consider termination and wont take it from me either. I cant make her have an abortion she has to give consent and i would lose her for ever.

This lad is going to pay and he is already on sex offenders register he has no family and was bought up in care his mum is dead and dad in prison and i have warned him before and so have police and i will be going for him all guns blazing but it doesnt make me feel good.

Now im trying to work out how i can manage this on my own on just my wages in a small house and still be able to live and not let my son suffer and give my support to dd and her child.

mummisery, it sounds like harsh action is the only think this man - he is too old to be a lad really now - will take heed off.

Do you currently live in a council or houseing assosiation property? I fyou do you could see if it would be possible to get a transfer or move to a bigger place once baby is born?

Money wise your daughter is under 16 you may beable to claim benifits for the baby untill she is old enough to do so for herself your best bet would to beable to talk to the local jobcenter or benifits office.

Your son will adapt and if you keep his routine as normal as possible and hard as it is try not to get to stressed as he will pick up on that more than anything.

It's also important to talk to your dd's school if she's going to arrange what will happen with her education and to get her to the g.p's to register her for maternity care.
It wont be easy but you being there for her will make her whole life alot simpler as she wont have to go through it one her own.

I own my house and i just cant afford to move
dd not in school because she has had a host of other problems over the last 4yrs

You have so much on your plate mummisery

You're supporting your dd - I hope you're getting enough support. Keep posting. xx

Will do septicstumps love the name by the way it made me laugh

Does anyone no if dd will get any financial help or is it all down to me

Really sorry to read about this mummisery - it's a lot to be dealing with. I don't have any reliable info on financial support - some, I think, depending on your income etc, and possibly for you rather than DD (as she's under 16) - but hopefully someone else will know more.

Thanx webcrone